Full Moon

It must be the full moon! I used to grow hair all over my body, my teeth would become sharper, my nails would get longer, and I would get the overpowering taste for blood! Lately things have changed, though. No more long nails, no more hairs and teeth. If I could only get rid of this urge to draw blood when that white disc appears full in the evening skies! I am pissed off--or pissed, depending on which side of the big pond you are at! Annoyed with everything and nothing in particular. (I've behaved well, however, not snapping at the people around me who I know truly care).

Since turning 40 last February, I decided that there were issues in my life that needed to be fixed, and fast for that matter. I took pen to paper, drew up my list of goals, and decided that the time was right to concentrate on going for them. The line was drawn, and immediate action was needed to set things flowing in the direction I wanted them to go.

I've been single for all my life, eagerly wanting to start a family, and I've been working in a job that I hardly get any pleasure out of, underpaid and overworked as is the case with most jobs in Greece.

I sent an ultimatum type of message to my girlfriend, asking her to make her mind up as to what she was expecting out of our relationship. I tried to be as firm as I could without breaking her heart. Amazingly, she responded positively, and we have set the wheels turning for her to visit me here in Greece, to at least catch a glimpse of where I live, my friends and my family. We can then take it on from there.

Meanwhile, I decided to put a more serious effort in setting the wheels that will take me out of the shit hole I work at, spinning. I did! I did all the things in the book, to land another job. I'm not a dreamer expecting to find the perfect job, but there must be something out there that's better for me than this current daily disgrace. Well, if there is, I cannot find it!

Six months on, and I stand before you in the same damned place I was on the day of my 40th birthday! Talk about progress! "...so much for the golden future! I can't even start.."

That's why I'm pissed off! I get the feeling that life is overtaking me at such a rate that years from now I'll be at the same place, wanting the same things but getting the same results.

Sometimes I feel like letting everything go, vegetating in front of a TV, sunbathing on a beach, or sleeping for hours on end, hoping that this life will pass and I'll get another go as a frog, or a chicken or something. I get frustrated with myself for perhaps being that thick and/or blind not being able to identify other avenues to follow.

...and the need for blood remains! 'Till the next full moon...

It's Friday!

Don't tell me that there's someone out there who can not relate to this song?

The day I didn't need my friends

There seems to be a lot of dancing going on in the blogs I visit recently.
Though I love dancing, I take some prior convincing from my friends, be it Johny (Walker), Jim (Beam) and especially Jack (Daniels)!
It's not that I can not dance. I can do the odd figures, I can stay in the rhythm, and boy can I dance slow! It's that I get this feeling that all eyes are concentrating on me, judging my moves, perhaps even waiting for me to slip and land flat on my bum. I just feel really intimidated!
The second time I visited my girl in Rio, she had the fabulous idea to take me out samba dancing! There was no way I can say no to those beautiful eyes, even though I felt it was going to be a tough evening for me.
The club was jam packed and the music was blasting away from a live band in the corner. I've never seen such a congregation of beautiful women before or since. (It must be the water or something! If there's a scientific reason for it, I'm all ears).
She chose a table next to the dance floor for easy access. My knees had gone at the entrance! I was full of smiles, but deep inside was dreading the moment she would ask me to dance with her! I needed one of my friends, and I needed him badly!
But then the strangest thing happened! She stood up in front of the table and let her body flow with the music. Damn was she sexy! Without realising, I was next to her, my arm around her waist, actually keeping up with the rhythm and her! I seriously doubt that I was samba dancing at the time, but who cared. As far as I knew, people could be commenting, staring, having a laugh with the gringo's attempt to dance, but I actually didn't care!
When Jack came along, it was too late. I had already been dancing with her for a couple of songs, maybe more. It was actually one of the very few times that I danced without the prior consumption of alcohol! And my goodness, did I enjoy it!

Strange box for packing

My neighbours from downstairs--I live in a two storey building--are moving out this weekend. Among the boxes they have gathered for packing , I noticed one which seems rather inappropriate for the job.
Call me old fashioned, but isn't this a weird choice for a packing box?

Discoveries of Man and Woman

Man discovered COLOURS and created PAINTING

Woman discovered PAINTING and created MAKE-UP

Man discovered WORDS and created CONVERSATION.


Woman discovered CONVERSATION and created GOSSIP.

Man discovered PLAYING and created CARDS.

Woman discovered CARDS and created TAROT.

Man discovered the EARTH and created FOOD
Woman discovered FOOD and created DIETS
Man discovered FEELINGS and created LOVE
Woman discovered LOVE and created MARRIAGE
Man discovered WOMAN and created SEX
Woman discovered SEX and created HEADACHE
Man discovered TRADE and created MONEY
Woman discovered MONEY and...
fucked everything up!!!!!!



Ladies please be lenient and consider that the above is only a joke! Further more, please take into consideration all the time and effort put into placing all these GIF's into place (and they still don't seem to function!).

Canon

Trying to go to sleep last night my mind drifted to the memories of my favourite of my grandparents. My mom's father, my grandfather whom we nicknamed "Canon" due to the uncanny resemblance to the detective from the '70 series.

At 5 foot nothing he had a personality to compensate for his lack of height. Born in Asia Minor, in current Turkey, he was orphaned at a young age and taken care from a Turkish lady until 1922 when, during the population exchange, he came over to Greece to build his life.

He got married to my grandmother, who was three years his elder--unusual for those times--and was the only married guy at his platoon when he enlisted for his national service.

A strong minded, forward thinking man, ahead of his days, he encouraged and supported my mom to go through school and pursue her dream of getting a University degree.

Never a rich person, he worked hard throughout his life, as a construction worker and a night watch, and made sure that his family of seven was catered for. He had a lot of love for all of his grandchildren, always teasing us, playing with us, telling us stories, and making toys for us. I loved him a lot! I still do; and believe I was his favourite grandchild. We had a special bond, it seems.

Perhaps it was that I ate a lot. I would finish a milk bottle and straight away demand a second one. When I stayed with him, I'd wake up in the mornings, go to his bed and slap him on his bald patch demanding to be fed!

He'd take me for walks to all the tourist attractions, proudly displaying his chubby grandchild to all. He seemed very proud of the amount of food I could consume, without exploding, and the physical strength I would display by lifting a wooden chair using one hand.

In the afternoons, when he wanted to take a nap, he'd take me with him and tell me the story of Tarzan walking his 300 sheep across the jungle. The flock would reach a narrow bridge, where only one by one could get past. "Count the sheep until they are all safely across, and then we'll continue" he'd say. He would doze off, while I was counting, snoring way.

He liked canaries! He would keep them in a cage, take care of them and talk to them as if they were humans. Once, he found ants in one of the cages, and decided to spray the cage with insecticide! Needless to say that within minutes the canary dropped like a brick off its perch! He really got some stick for that move! For years!

He liked wearing a tie, and his beret and go to "school". That's what he called the coffee shop he went to meet with other retirees, have a Greek coffee, play cards and talk politics. Then on his way home for lunch, he'd pass by our house and inform us on the goings on in his favourite TV series "Dallas"! He loved that show! He could talk about the nastiness of JR for hours!

The most characteristic of his possessions wass his car! The famous Greek built, three wheeled, fiberglass "Attica"! He used to go hunting in it. He'd leave at dawn on a Sunday morning, two barrel shotgun in hand, and return in the afternoon, with a couple of loaves of bread, a bag of greens and perhaps a couple of birds.

When he got sick--prostate cancer that evolved to bone marrow cancer--he suffered a lot of pain. I remember looking at him in bed, and he was like a baby. He had really shrunk! I had come back from the UK where I was studying and rushed over to see him. Although he was too tired to speak to anybody else, he stood up in his bed, and told me stories of the war. He could not let me see that he was suffering!

He's been one of the people who made a big mark in my life. To date I catch myself thinking "what would "Canon" say about this?". The thought of him makes me feel more confident and loved, determined and stronger to face difficulties of life.

There is no way I could be writing about my life, without dedicating a post to "Canon". My favourite grandfather, my friend; the person who took a little child and nurtured him to becoming a man.

Heatwave? What heatwave?

Well, since you asked Buggsy, I am f... hot! (and I don't mean "fairly").
It's the topic of the day! There's a heat wave going on, and all of the sudden, all other issues have disappeared from people's thoughts. Our sole concern these days is whether it is 43 degrees in the sun or in the shade! Big difference if you ask me! I feel as if I am melting away! (Just a note for our newscasters. I spent the best part of my life in Africa, and unless you are referring to the desert-but even there, temperatures drop at night- please avoid using the term "African temperatures" to characterise this heatwave, because you are WRONG!)
Putting a positive perspective on it, all this heat and perspiration is working wonders with my physique. At this rate, when I hit the beach, I will be totally fat free and proudly displaying my six pack (no! not the beers)!
I don't care about all the complaints I hear on the media, I don't care whether we are breaking twenty year old records here. No! This is a sign from Him, that I should bite my lip for a few days, and at the end I will have something to show for it.
This is the kinda weather that suits Greece, anyway!
It makes it official for people to skive off work and hit the beach. Even public sector workers have a good excuse for not working efficiently.
It is a good excuse for the Electricity company to put all the blame for years of neglect to scorching temperatures damaging the grid.
It's a good opportunity for taxi drivers to charge extra for turning the air conditioning on.
The Water company raised rates a couple of months ago, and all of us were complaining. Little did we know that they had a look in their crystal balls, and saw this coming. We should be grateful, because this kind of foresight simply didn't exist a few years back. The country is actually progressing!
If only we could convince everyone on the benefits of using a deodorant, perhaps our public transport system could prove useful, too.
Heck! Thinking about it this heatwave is a blessing!

For my Girl

P'ra a minha menina!

Here's to a happy weekend

In the scorching heat of the heat wave upon Greece these days, I found a couple of cool clips of one of my favourite comedians, Billy Connolly, the hilarious, foul mouthed Scot. I hope you enjoy them!

Animal Cartoons

Giraffe: "I never think about sex"
Bird: "It's because your head is too far from your d**k!"

Male rabbit: "You whore! The whole forest knows that you been cheating on me!"
Female rabbit: "Evil accusations! I swear on our children!"

Fourteen phrases for living

1. I love you not for whom you are, but who I am when I’m by your side.
   
   


2. No person deserves your tears, and who deserves them won’t make you cry.
   



3. Just because someone doesn’t love you as you wish, it doesn’t mean you’re not loved with all their being.
   



4. A true friend is the one who holds your hand and touches your heart.
   



5. The worst way to miss someone is to be seated by their side and know you’ll never have them.
   



6. Never stop smiling, not even when you’re sad, someone might fall in love with your smile.
   



7. You may only be a person in this world, but for someone, you’re the world.
   



8. You may only be a person in this world, but for someone, you’re the world.
   



9. Don’t spend time with someone who doesn’t care spending it with you.
   



10. Maybe God wants you to meet many wrong people before you meet the right one, so when this happens, you’ll be thankfull.
    



11. Don’t cry because it came to an end. Smile because it happened.
    



12. There will always be people who’ll hurt you, so you need to continue trusting, just be carefull.
    



13. Become a better person and be sure to know who you are before meeting someone new and hoping that person knows who you are.
    



14. Don’t struggle so much, best things happen when not expected.

-Gabriel García Márquez

It's Awards night!

....and the Thinking Blogger award goes to.....: "Epimenides" for his outstanding performance in his blog "Analysing It"!

An uneasy quiet in the hall. That was definitely a surprise to all!


A relic of a man, dressed in what looks like a bed sheet, jumps out of his seat, yelling his head off: "Yes sirree Bob!"


He grabs the award off the presenter's hands and walks to the microphone.


"This comes as a great surprise to me" he says.


"I would like to thank Michelle for tagging me for this award for, and I quote: "making me laugh as well as think""!

It is actually both a great surprise and honour, because I don't consider myself a thinking blogger. Far from it!


Now, now people! That's rude of you! No, it's not beyond my capacity to think! How can you even think that!!!


I just want to share with whomever reads my stuff, things that make me smile and forget about the daily grind for a couple of hours.


My choise of thinking blogs has aleady been tagged for the award, and are listed on Epi's favourite reads on the left!

8 random facts about me

Michelle, tagged me to provide you with 8 random facts about me. I made an effort, in an earlier post, to provide you with some information about me, but I guess I can have another go!

1. Had an argument with Mick Hucknall the lead singer of Simply Red.
   Friday night in the Hacienda club in Manchester. I'm making out with a girl at the bar - I had my lucky nights too, alright! - until she decides to answer nature's call. I lose sight of her, but her friend is smooching on the dance floor with Mick. I go next to them, trying to get her attention. Mick notices.
   Mick - "What your problem mate?"
   Epi - "I need to talk to the lady"
   Mick - " Fuck off mate!"
   Epi - "Fuck yourself Mick!"
   And since I know you are nosy so-and-so's, yes I did get lucky that night!




2. Met Prince Philip (Queen Elizabeth's husband. You know, the Greek guy!)
   This was in Ghana 1999-2000. The Royal couple were visiting the country, and it was decided that Prince Philip was to tour a couple of British company factories. Well, one of them was the factory that I was managing at the time, so I ended up giving him a guided tour of our facilities.




3. I once smoked a joint (Yes! Just once!)
   First year at University. There were four people in the house at the time. I still don't know what it was. It was a brownish ball, they heated it with the lighter, and scraped some on the tobacco. They rolled it and smoked. I was not interested. They went to the pub, leaving the thing behind. Bored and smokeless, I smoked it whole! Could not stop laughing, and neither could they when they found me sleeping under the table the following morning.



4. I rejected an offer for a threesome
   C'mon guys! You should have seen the second girl! No way I could go there!


5. Embarrassing moment No1
   Needed to visit the loo, at thirty thousand feet, while flying to Nigeria. Walked to the toilets, opened the door and... there is a lady, nickers on the ankles spending a penny.



6. Embarrassing moment No2
   21 years old, dancing with a girl at a nightclub in Manchester, I notice a couple of elderly people staring at us. She looks at me and says "Do you want to meet Mom and Dad?". I broke the 100m world record!!!




7. I swear
   I don't get annoyed easily, but when I do, I lose control! Since I want to avoid getting a stroke at this tender age, and not wanting to resort to physical violence, I shout and swear! It's actually rather funny for the others, because my face goes through a spectum of red shades, my voice goes up a pitch, and a couple of minutes later I'm all smiles again.



8. Falling apart?
   I wonder this myself sometimes, since I can crack my fingers, my toes, my neck, my elbows and my waist! Terminator IV - the attack of the rust!
   

I guessI'll have a go at tagging a couple of folks.

David, the real mother hen, and rp. (I don't know if they have already been tagged)

Swedish Chemist

British comedy at its best! From the team of the "Not the nine 'o clock news", please enjoy.....

THE SWEDISH CHEMIST SKETCH

A bar of gold?

No, today's issue is not about investments. It's about more down-to-earth issues, or, depending on the mood, up-in-the-sky.

What the heck is he on about, I hear you think. (I've got this knack, too, but that's a different subject altogether).

What I am talking about is a survey. Yes, a survey that I found from reading Holly's blog. It is on a site called human for sale, where you enter figures and they calculate your worth.

I took the survey, ok, but there is a question which I found very complicated in answering.

The question reads: "How big is your penis" and has a selection of numbers from 3 to 10 inches.

Instinctively reaching for the measuring tape, I realised that there is a number of problems that needed to be addressed here. Educated as a Chemist, I find that the matter of measurements is not one to be taken lightly. Accuracy is of the essence!

To provide the accurate response, dear surveyors, I need some further information:

1. Which measurement are we referring to?
   Length, diameter, circumference? Well, the answer to this is pretty straight forward, I suspect, since the question is addressed to humans.


2. What are the ambient conditions that should prevail during this measurement?
   It is a well known fact that ambient temperature greatly influences the size of the subject in question! Further more, contact with water tends to also have adverse effects in the accuracy of the experiment.


3. What mood should the owner of the subject be in?
   Not to wanting to put too fine point to it - there is a pun in there, I'm sure - mood also influences this particular measurement. Consider the words of Adam when he first saw Eve: "Stand back! I don't know how long this thing can get!"


4. What state should the owner be in when measuring?
   Is it expected that the owner takes some "preliminary action" prior to measuring?
   Is the measurement expected to be taken in the morning or evening hours?
   Is the owner expected to carry out the measurement while surfing the net (if so please indicate suitable sites), or at his own leisure?
   Before watching Drama or Comedy on TV?
   

(In the list above it is assumed that the person carrying out the measurements is the owner of the "subject" being measured, otherwise measurements could go completely off scale).

Why the fuss, you ask. Potential purchasers could be ripped off tens of thousands of dollars for a couple of inches!

Well, as I said I DID take the survey answering ALL questions, and my worth is in the region of $1.8 - $1.9 million! (And NO I did not lie in this particular question)!

I find it appropriate at this juncture to close with one of my favourite Elephant jokes:

What did the elephant say to Adam when he first saw him in the Garden of Eden?

"Dude, how can you eat with that thing?"