The phonecall

I got through to Brazil on the phone last night. It has taken me a couple of days - including falling asleep with the phone in my hand - but I did it.
She was at home, taking a nap. I have this "fetish" about hearing her voice when she's just woken up, which I might add, she doesn't always appreciate!
All the sexy thoughts flew out of the window though, when she said that she was recovering from the car accident!
"What car accident???"
"Don't worry! It was nothing! I'm fine but a bit sore."
"What? When? How?"
"Don't worry! I'll write you an email"
My absent Portuguese and her poor English made it impossible to discuss the issue into further detail. I desperately need that teach-yourself book quick, along with a respite of the long work hours at the office.
On the plus side of things, it looks that she will be visiting here soon and I can't wait to see her again.
I feel like a silly teenager with a crush!
Perhaps it's true that "you are only as old as the woman you feel!" ;)

I could do with this right now

Ten or so years ago, while working in Africa, my friend M. and I decided to spend our leave in Myconos, the Ibiza kinda destination in the Agean. We were looking for a 24-hours-a-day party, and this Cycladic island is the full package.

We rented a scooter - I was the passenger, since vehicles with less than four wheels scare the living daylights out of me - and found a nice bungalow at Super Paradise on the rocks overlooking the beach at a very good rate.

We took a swim the following morning, and noticed a series of boats bringing in people to the beach. By 12.30 it was jam packed! There were people of all ages, bearing bathing suits or not! In fact, at some point I warned J.J not to even think about yawning, because God knows what could end up in his mouth!
Rave music was pumping from the humongous loudspeakes of the beach bar, inviting everybody for a drink and a dance! We gladly accepted the invitation, ending up being totally plasterred within a couple of hours. Super Paradise indeed!!!
By the time the sun started its decent into the horizon - a beautiful sight regardless of the alcohol intake - we were paraletic, but still in need for more! Took a sobering cold shower, dressed up for the evening (ie. jeans and T-shirts) and made our way to the main town in Myconos. Singing and laughing on the scooter during the thirty minure trip, we were laughed upon by overtaking large motorbikes, but we couldn't care less. We were where we wanted to be, doing what we wanted to do!
We found ourselves going in circles in the narrow streets of the main town, looking at the white houses, trying to get our bearings, yet constantly being distracted by loosely clad members of the opposite sex proudly displaying their tans among other things. It was going to be a long night!
We found a spot for some coffee and sat there, staring at the people walking by! It was 8.00pm! It was early even for dinner!
An hour or so of coffee drinking, and "sightseeing" later, we were off to grab a bite to eat, and some more alcohol to quench our thirst. We paid through the nose for a seafood dinner, in a nice restaurant, and went next door to a piano bar for a drink. We got hit upon a couple of times, and realised it was a gay bar. What the heck! The music was good and the coctails even better!
Come midnight it was time for hardcore partying. Lots of options available, but we first went to the Scandinavian bar. Cool beer, a very friendly barman and lots of people dancing and drinking.
We kept interrupting our beer drinking, having shot of Quantreau-Drambuie-Grand Marnier. Lethal stuff! Sweet taste in the mouth closely followed by what seems like a nuclear explosion in the stomach!
Two girls speaking English stood next to us at the bar, so I decided to get social. We bought them drinks, they bought us drinks, we danced, we talked. They had come from South Africa and were on the island for a week. As a group, ended up going from bar to bar until the sun started appearing in the horizon.
It was time for breakfast! We got some sandwiches, and sat on the beach, eating and watching the local people going about their daily routine. We were invited to the girls' bungalow to sleep -among other things - for a couple of hours, went home to change and hit the beach.
Seven days of this relentless schedule later, we were on the boat, making our way back to Athens, completely shattered, sunburnt, hung over, broke but extatic non the less.
We promissed ourselves a repeat performance the following year, and the year after....
We ended up going there four years in a row! It became a ritual to us, regardless of any other destinations we would visit each summer.

The long Choo-Choo ride

My dear friend hollygl invited me on train ride with some fellow bloggers. Epi never refuses an invitation from a lady, so here I am ticket in hand, getting on the choo-choo!
It took me some time to join as I was busy at my office disaster zone, but better late than never, I suppose!
I've invited some more passengers to join us in this trip.

***Start Copying Here***Here are the rules:
1. Write a short introduction paragraph about what how you found the list and include a link to the blog that referred you to the list.
2. COPY the Rules and ENTIRE List below and post it to your blog. To avoid duplicate content and increase the amount of keywords your site can accessible for, go ahead and change the titles of the blog. Just don’t change the links of the blog.
3. Take “My New Faves” and move them into the “The Original Faves” list.
4. Add at least 3 Blogs that you’ve just added to your Technorati Favorites to the “My New Faves” section. Remember to also add the “Fave Me” link next to your new blogs (i.e. http://technorati.com/faves?add=http://www.yourdomain.com)
5. Add Everyone on this list to your Technorati Favorites List by clicking on “Fave the Site.” (Please FAVE EVERYONE on the List prior to posting the list or a Kitten will Die Alone in a Dark Alley Tonight). Those who want good karma will fave you back. If not, you will for sure get the benefits of faves from the bloggers who continue this list after you.

My New Faves:

Foulbastard - Fave the Site
Rebecca - Fave the Site
Michelle - Fave the Site

Original Faves:
Gazing Into The Abyss - Fave the Site
Goldy World - Fave the Site
Analysing It - Fave the Site
Holly GL - Fave the Site
Meleah Rebeccah - Fave the Site
Blur ting - Fave the Site
The Domestic Minx - Fave the Site
Gary Lee - Fave the Site
Amber - Fave the Site
Mariuca - Fave the Site
JeanChia - Fave the Site
Janice - Fave the Site
Bobby Revell - Fave the Site
Wonder Woman - Fave the Site
Steve Olson – Fave the Site
BlogoSquare – Fave the Site
Dosh Dosh - Fave the Site
Nate Whitehill - Fave the Site
Ms. Danielle - Fave the Site
Jeff Kee - Fave the Site
Scribble on the Wall - Fave the Site
Jimi Morrisons Head - Fave the Site
Jon Lee - Fave the Site
SiteLogic - Fave the Site
Julies Journal - Fave the Site
Tea & Slippers - Fave the Site
Pencil Thin - Fave the Site
Garry Conn - Fave the Site
Stephen Fung - Fave the Site
eWritings - Fave the Site
Mommy’s Getaway - Fave the Site
GR8 Egypt - Fave the Site
Divya Uttam - Fave the Site
Sean Dinner - Fave the Site
O Salepito - Fave the Site
Kyle Beabo - Fave the Site
Six Degrees of Inspiration - Fave the Site
Randa Clay Design - Fave the Site
Failure is the key to success - Fave the Site
Tech Bold - Fave the Site
*** - Train Engineer** - Last Wagon***End Copying Here***

That was the week that was

Fourteen days without break, and I have the Sunday off! Fourteen really long and eventful days, that, come Monday are sure to be followed by more of the same.
I am tired, angry and frustrated that somebody is using my staff and I as beta testers and Guinea pigs for a stupid, pointless project while ruining three years' worth of hard work of organising a department to virtually run itself.
The "brain" - and I use the term loosely - behind the project, even had the audacity to complain about my staff's performance and adaptability to me. I didn't dignify him with a response - which would probably have been the Greek equivalent of a torrent of four letter words - and instead opted to give a piece of my mind to my boss the following day. As they say about people of my size: "Good things come in small packages, but so do potent poisons"!
You do not destroy something functional because you cannot carry out basic project planning and because you want somebody else to do all the hard work for you, and then turn around and insult them! It just isn't on!
I have good relations with all of my staff, and I'm actually proud of their work, development and effort! No, incompetent ass, no matter how far up the "food chain" will be allowed to speak a bad word for them, and expect to get away with it. I am a vengeful sod, and I'm in the process of gathering information for a detailed report to the MD about this sorry excuse of a project.
Why then do I commit myself into this work so much as to sacrifice my personal time on it? It's not because of job security purposes, I can ensure you. I can stay without work for a number of years, during which time I'll surely encounter something better. It's not because I'm expecting comments of gratitude and appreciation from this lot. It's simply because I don't like seeing three years of hard work crumble to pieces in a fortnight! Most importantly, I cannot sit there and watch a perfectly good team of people being used as pawns in some moron's project wet dream!
I know I am ranting and raving - perhaps not even making any sense - and you don't deserve to be reading this crap. I just need to vent out the frustration of the past few days.
This blog, however, is dedicated to at least providing a smile on the face of the people reading it. Judging by the ladies' comments on my previous post, there is quite an interest in jokes about guy's "members" - for need of better expression - so I hope you enjoy what follows below.

A guy walks into the Gents' and notices a rather tanned gentleman standing next to him bearing a huge "dingaling"."I wish mine could be as long as that" said the man, unable to hide his admiration."No problem", said the coloured gentleman. "All you have to do is tie a bit of string to a brick, tie the other end to your willy, and walk with it dangling between your legs for a week".The next week they meet up in the same toilet in the same bar."That treatment of your is fantastic. Look!" he said pointing at his willy. "It's already turned black!"

Two guys are enjoying a beer at the bar.

Noticing a dog, lying on the floor, licking it's genitals, one guy says to the other:

"Oh! How I wish I could do that!"

"Give him a couple of biscuits and perhaps he'll let you"

Stavros

It's been a long 14 hour day and I just got in from work. I am too tired to post anything serious tonight - as if I ever do - but I'll share with you a joke I heared today.
This Greek guy full of himself, lets call him Stavros, takes his wife to the maternity clinic to give birth. He is a scruffy looking kinda guy, with a long moustache, sideburns, and greasy hair. He is wearing a shirt with only one button done, at the level of his belly button, a large belly, bearing a hairy chest and a large cross hanging from his neck on a large golden chain.
His wife is taken to the operating theater - or whatever it is called - and soon after the doctor comes out to speak to Stavros.
Doctor - "Your wife is expecting triplets, sir!"
Stavros proudly responds - " Well, of course doc! With Stavros' tool being as big as a hosepipe, what did you expect? And I bet you they are all going to be boys!!!"
The doctor, in shock from Stavros's answer, shakes his head and goes back to attend to his wife.
A couple of minutes later he comes back outside.
Doctor - "What do you know! The first one is a healthy boy!"
Stavros proudly responds - "I told you doc! With Stavros' tool being as big as a hosepipe, what did you expect? And I bet you the two are going to be boys, too!"
Shocked again the doctor returns to the theater.
He emerges a couple of minutes later.
Doctor - "The second is a boy, too!"
Stavros proudly responds - "I told you doc! With Stavros' tool being as big as a hosepipe, what did you expect? I'm sure the third is male, too!"
Once again, the doctor returns to the theater, shocked with this crude guy.
Comes back outside for the third time.
Doctor - "The third one is a boy as well!"
Stavros proudly responds - "I told you doc! With Stavros' tool being as big as a hosepipe, what did you expect?"
Annoyed by now with Stavros's cockiness, the doctor responds.
"Well, my dear friend Stavros, it's high time you started cleaning your hosepipe because all three boys have come out black!"

Gangbanged!

My dear fellow bloggers, this is not an X-rated themed post, although the odd profanity may make its way to the text. Instead, it's a pretty accurate description of how my co-workers and I feel after this weekend at work.

A more accurate description would by "gangbanged by a Viagra overdosed horde of elephants, freshly released from a ten year sexual drought". Yes! That's more like it.

I find stock taking a tedious, boring, but nevertheless important part of working life. It comes once or twice a year, and everyone is mentally prepared for getting bored senseless of trying to find stuff and accounting for any kinds of variances. So how do you make it more interesting to the staff?

Well, our gracious employers, always considering the best way of maintaining the spirits of the staff high during such periods, this year came up with an alternative plan! At the end of it, they planned the live introduction of an additional software package, designed to make our lives easier, and reducing the manual input of data to our ERP system.

It has been a project going on for the past four, perhaps five months. There have been meetings upon meetings, discussions upon discussions covering the length of the project, including a whole one hour (!) training session for the people who are going to be using it. It was during that training session, that we all realised we were dead meat! We raised questions about the procedures, the input method and so on and so forth. The software company representative who was giving us the training had an answer for each of our questions.

Yet answers of the type: "They didn't mention you need this!", "We were not requested to cover that kind of situation", "Is that what actually happens?", are hardly reassuring that all is well in the western front!

Come last Sunday every tiniest fear we had that we were totally screwed, was finally realised!

We finished our stock taking by 09.30am and then it was a matter of going live on the new system.

To be fair, the first couple of tests gave excellent results. We were cooking with gas!

Were we f..k!!! When it came to linking to our ERP, you could actually smell the foul scent of shit, while listening to the deafening sound of it hitting the proverbial fan! 11.45am the whole process ground to a halt, while the IT guys were trying to sort out the issue.

It was a slow and painful experience that went on and on. Five coffees later, hours and hours of SQL-what the hell it is I don't even want to know-we were getting a dim bright spot at the end of a quite long tunnel! In the meantime, several of the staff were excused to leave and join their families, for whatever was left to them of the Sunday afternoon. I went around the premises seeking for the dog - she has not been seen since Saturday and I fear she has met with some kind of ill fortune from the mongrels in the vicinity of our offices - then watched a helicopter do water drops on a rubbish pit fire 300 yards away, and then sat on my desk and doodled some tropical island scene.

The sun descended into the horizon, but we were still there, by now struggling with the communication between the software packages. To cut a long story short, some kind of a breakthrough came by 11.45pm, and we all decided to call it a day.

Monday was going to be better, we reassured each other, while getting into our cars. Was it f..k?

Come Monday morning we realised that although the two systems were communicating, they were exchanging information of no use to each other! Wait! Wait! It gets better!!!!

Lots of IT fiddling going on, the whole premises ground to a halt, and the phones starts to ring. Our inter company customers were calling to find out whether our logistics department was going to meet their needs! Ha! Fat chance! Not in your lifetime dude! Not with this kind of project preparation!

It turns out that our new super duper package can do virtually anything you ask it to do. It's a real pity, though, that during all these months of running the project, nobody considered looking at our procedures, nobody thought it would be worth their while to if not ask, at least sit in a corner and take notes of how the department works.

As a result, we are now three days into the system going live, we have managed to cover about 20% of our work, and the paperwork raised requires a small army of personnel for data entry alone! It is like someone came to your house, decided to use your stove to bake you a cake, and demolished your kitchen while doing it!

This is a big mess that will take some time to set straight, especially with virtually half of the people due to go on leave in August! Perhaps the Chinese proverb says "may you live in interesting times" but this is pretty much ludicrous. Bloody Greeks, taking things to extremes again!

Helicopter putting out fire across our offices

My island retreat doodle

Weekend tune

A sweet little country song for the weekend!

I wish you all a better weekend than mine!!!!!



PS. I've not managed to stop the Parajito song from autoplaying, so please wait until it finishes before listening to this tune.

Mutt Update

It turns out that Mutt is actually a female! Slap my thigh! It was a pimple after all!
Yes! It has been officially checked and confirmed - and cost me a fiver on a wager. The methodology used was pretty scientific! We gave him...her something to eat, and then stroked her - got it right this time - while she was lying on her back.
(I suppose a little rehash of the birds and bees story is pretty darned necessary in our offices. After all, even the ladies got the gender wrong! It seems that as far as a sex life goes, we are a pretty miserable, useless bunch in there. People reading this blog will know my excuse. I wonder what theirs is).
On the positive side, at least it's not a stray, skinny dog with a pimple sized willy!
Since obviously Mutt is an inappropriate name for a female dog, we now need to come up with a new name. There was a big debate during lunch, and the final options are:

1. Bitch - my choice (both a female and cost me a fiver!)
2. Lady - I find it pretty pedestrian.
3. Bones - Might give her a complex (you know, with all this Anorexia halabaloo going on)
4. Tart - I just came up with that! (similar to Bitch but sweet, too!)
5. Some other pretty lame, finger-in-throat kinda name.

PS 1. I believe this post has cost me ALL my female audience!

PS 2. She still eats as if it's going out of fashion!

Just a Thursday

I woke up late this morning. No particular reason, but fancied an extra snooze. By the time I got my breakfast and got into the car, it was thirty minutes later than the time I usually leave home.

I ended up arriving to work the usual time! This is why I absolutely love the summertime! The period between mid July to end of August, population in Athens - and traffic - reduces dramatically. With people living for their summer holidays, Athens virtually empties - to such an extent that during mid August there's more tourists in the town centre than locals - and shows her true, beautiful colours. No smog, no traffic, no people rushing around. It's just you, the picturesque city corners, the little parks and the ancient ruins. Simply beautiful!

Returning to my journey to work, I had a hearse in front of my for the hole duration. I'm not particularly superstitious, but hearses give me the creeps,. So, following one for the whole journey, gave me the sence that this was going to be one of those "why did I get out of bed" days.

As it turned out, it wasn't. The usal chaos and mayhem of another office day, but no major disasters.

In fact, the day had a surprise for us all at the office! A cute little stray dog had decided to pay a visit to our premices. It must be only a few months old. Skinny - you can count each and every bone one his body - and constantly with its tail tucked between his legs.

We gave Mutt - that's what I named him - water, milk and a couple of sandwiches from the vending machine. We always doubted the quality of those things, so this was the acid test. To our relief he copiously ate them!

By the end of the day, he grew accustomed to us, and as a token of his appreciation he pissed and crapped all over the floor of our warehouse!

Mutt

Camera shy

No wonder his a skeleton considering that his butt is so productive!

Creative Too?

These walk to the podium will kill me, either of embarrassment of exhaustion. I'm a 2,500 year old fart, after all!
Seriously, though, jyankee of New Beginnings fame, has honoured me by awarding me with the Creative Blogger Award!

I suppose I am being creative in developing new spelling for simple English words, or for absolutely murdering the syntax and grammar of the language!

The sntence. Twenty years of blogging without parole!!!

I don't know what to say. Thank you all!!!

I want to pass on the honour to some special people out there:

1. My friend David of Foulbastard fame for the award for having a very creative imagination and an excellent sence of humour!
2. My New Yorker friend Rebecca of Pixels from the Edge fame for giving us an inside look into her daily life in the Big Apple!
3. My friend for the Far East, Blur Ting for the fascinating stories and gorgeous pictures she provides us with.
4. My friend Wolfgang for writing great posts full of great quotes!
5. My Chicago - hopefully soon to be South Cali - friend Hollygl for her great posts and her sweet poems!

I know the majority of you already have the award, but all the same take it as a token of appreciation for your good work out there!

The rules are:

1) If you have received an award simply choose either the dark or light background image and save it to your files, then post it proudly on your blog!

2) Pass the award on to five other people, you can choose any of the awards from the series, you do not have to pass out the exact award you received. Choose whichever of the awards below that you'd like to give out. You can give out one of each or five of the same one, whatever you prefer.

3) You can change the size and color of awards to suit your blog, that's up to you, it's your blog, just leave the titles the same.

4) Please link back to this post so that people can read these rules and so that the meanings of the awards will not be lost.

Parajito - with sound

To all you kind friends out there reading this blog I dedicate this - especially the ladies!
A minute long love song - in perfect broken English - by one of the cutest little creatures I've come across!




http://www.irlmeier.de/bird.swf

Mom's plants

What can I say? The next place they'll start a fire in this city, will most probably be my mom's balcony! She's got a couple of plants there, so what the heck!
The ARSEonists hit again yesterday, setting fire to a hill about 7km from the centre of Athens!!!! (As I'm writing this, there's a new fire about 15km from the center! Go figure!).
At this rate, the dogs will have to go to the toilet on our legs and finding a tree in the vicinity of Athens will become the new Treasure Hunt - it will most probably be broadcast live on television, as the new reality game craze, so stay tuned!
For the life of them, the authorities can not catch a single one of these guys for the past thirty years! Simply catch him and let him to the hands of the mob. The only justice their sort deserves!
What the heck is wrong with these people? It must be true that when god was handing out genitalia, they rushed to jump the cue, but when he started handing out brains, they were busy playing with what they already got!
Words coming to my head are of the "decorative" type adjectives about the bunch of lunatics inhabiting this arm like piece of land, so I gather this should be the best place to end this post and promise to return to my blogging routine tomorrow with a happier theme!

A song for the ARSEonists:




PS. Next time you visit this country, please bring your own tree!!!

My encounter with Speedy Gonzales

Returning from work, a couple of years ago, I was driving along enjoying the ride, especially since I'd just finished a horrible 18 hour day at the office.
There I was, heater on - it was November or December - and the music pumping on the stereo.
Paid at the toll booth, and proceeded to enter the motorway! Indicated, got into the far left speed lane - I belong to the scarce minority of Greek drivers who indicate when changing lanes - and off I went.
That particular stretch of motorway goes up a mountain, and the speed limit is 100km (60m). There I am doing 130km (70m) - don't forget we are in Greece, where speed limits are taken with a pinch of salt.
Suddenly, I see in my rear view mirror, a guy about 200 yards away doing what seemed like 100m, flashing his headlights. I indicated, and tried to get in the stream of cars in the slower lane on my right. They wouldn't let me!
Speedy Gonzales - driving the latest Christine model - in the rear is now right on my tail, flashing his high beams on me and blowing his horn. Since I couldn't move over, I stepped on the gas and accelerated, trying to save myself from getting run over.
Gonzales accelerates with me, so you have two raving lunatics, doing 120m going up a bleeding mountain! Just what the doctor ordered for a return trip home!
It was getting pretty desperate out there, so I turned my indicator on and squeezed into the traffic on the right, earning myself the kindest comments in the Greek vocabulary from the drivers I had just cut into!
As Gonzales was now overtaking me, his passenger thought it wise to comment on my driving through an open window. Call of wrong move!
I wound down the window and through a fully stretched arm, I delivered to him the birdie!
So, now we have the even better situation of two raving Greeks driving next to each other, complimenting each other, enhancing in the process the other drivers' vocabulary.
Not my proudest moment, I must admit, but it had been a long and difficult day. All I wanted was to get back home, and instead I'm getting chased up a mountain by a nouveau riche rear end orifice, who decided he had to check the limits of his turbo charged manhood extension.
Through tunnels we went, through turns we drove, shouting abuse at each other - I just could not let go - until I saw a parked police car on the hard shoulder at the end of the tunnel.
Drove right behind the police and slammed on my brakes! Gonzales, thought I wanted a fight - apparently didn't notice the police - stopped right behind me. BIG mistake!
"Is everything alright?" said the policeman.
"I believe these guys are chasing me officer!" I responded.
"Leave it to me, sir! I'll take care of this!"
We all got out of our cars and startedtelling the officer what had happened.
"Ok, sir. You can leave now" he said to me, bringing out his ticket book, and preparing to deliver some of his autographs to Gonzales and his friend.
It felt soooooooooooooooooooo sweet!

God of War

I killed hundreds of undead warriors, I fought against the wildest monsters of Greek mythology. The Hydra, the Minotaurs, the Gorgons and the Cyclops yielded to my strength, my skill in the use of the Blades of Wrath, and the special powers gifted to me by the Olympian Gods.

I travelled through the Desert of the Lost Souls, and retrieved Pandora's box from the temple on Kronos' back- the once leader of the Titans.
I was killed by Ares, the blood thirsty God of War, but fought my way out of Hades. I fought against myself, in a battle to save the souls of my wife and child.

I fought my way up from the realms of the dead to confront Ares in the final battle.
There, amongst the ruins of the once proud city of Athens, I took his life and his throne among the Gods.

I am Cratos, the new God of War!

This was six or so months ago, and the sequell (God of War II) is out. I am soooooo buying it!

I've never enjoyed a video game as much as I did this. Maybe it's the story that is slowly unfolding as you go on, maybe it's the great graphics those guys made for the monsters of mythology, or maybe it's the blood that seems to be flying all over the place with every move the character makes.

Whatever the reason, this is quite an addictive game, and yes I am fourty years old!

What can I say? I've got some time to kill!

The block that wasn't...

Three seconds to the final whistle, they were down by nine baskets and the opposing guys were preparing to add insult to injury by slam dunking! Perhaps it was only a two-on-two game, but he could not allow that to happen! It was bad enough that they were going to pay for the beers at the bar, but to also have to live through the taunts of a double-score defeat was simply not on.
His eyes on the ball, he summoned all his energy and run behind the attacking centre, poised to make the block. Almost in slow motion, they both lifted up in the air, the ball landed into the basket, and Epi on the guy's calf.
First to speak was Snap. He spoke loud, with his electric voice rushing through Epi's right leg! Upon hitting the ground, Crackle decided to have a word as well. His message was clear and made it's way to Epi's brain in a flash!
He collapsed on the floor in agony. His best friend V. rushed over to see what happened.
"Oh! It's nothing! I think I twisted my ankle! Nothing that a little cold water can not make good." Epi responded.
Couple of minutes later, they are driving back to the house, discussing what went wrong with the game and, perhaps most importantly, which watering hole to visit for the evening. No problem with the legs. No pain on either of them as Epi was pressing on the gas, or the clutch while shifting gears.
They got to the house within ten minutes. V. got out first while Epi was preparing to place the sun screen on the dashboard. He tried to get out of the car, but on touching the flood with either foot, he felt the electricity flow through his body. Those bastards, Snap and Crackle were still around. Good job Pop missed the party!
He was taken for X-rays, where it was confirmed that he had broken a bone in his left foot and one in his right leg. 100% success! As the radiologist jokingly exclaimed, almost falling of his crutches - he had met with Snap only the previous day on the football field.
Another half an hours drive to the nearest hospital, and Epi was flat on his stomach, with both legs up in the air, and plaster applied to them.
It definitely was not the kind of "plastering" they had in mind when they were making plans for the evening with his mate V!
All that was nothing compared to the phone calls the twenty seven year old guys would have to make to their folks, telling them what had happened. They would go ape with worry, and all kinds of questions would have to be answered.
Phone calls made, the complicated trip to the bathroom handled with success, they sat on the front balcony of V's summer house, staring at the sea, drinking and having a good laugh about life!
At least it meant that Epi was going to be two weeks late going back to work in Nigeria!

Friday's research

Ever the researcher, Epi has been busy today, gathering important information to share with his reading public.

Please allow me to present to you the fruits of my labour, for your pleasure and entertainment.



I wish you all a happy weekend!

Change your life

So there I am tired and fed up with my shopping spree, and decided it was time to take it easy, by taking a stroll through a bookstore.

It had been almost three years since I last was in Manchester, and wanted to relive my days there as a student. I did the whole tour of the city, visiting all the places I used to frequent with the guys while students there, walked in the rain, and as you can imagine, had a couple of pints of bitter in the pub across UMIST, the Lass O' Gowrie.

Ah yes! So, I'm in the bookstore, browsing the isles, and trying to find any interesting stuff to quench my thirst for reading - the beer part had been taken care of.

I'm pretty lazy I guess, so I either go for books with action and intrigue, or subjects about professional matters. This time, however, my eyes were drawn to a self help book with the catchy tittle "Change your Life in 7 Days" by Paul Mc Kenna. "Just the book I need " I thought , and dashed to the cashier to pay for it.

I wanted a book like that, because as you may have noticed, I'm going through a patch in my life where I don't know what to do next. I'm not satisfied with much of what I'm doing now, and really needed the help - especially if it can be swift and effective!

To date, I've read it three times! It's a nice book, easy and pleasant to read, with good quotes from famous people and some pretty useful exercises to make you more targeted, confident and more relaxed. It also has a CD where the author takes you through a half an hour meditation/relaxation session.

He recommends making the exercises, and listening to the CD a daily routine. It's kinda like training your mind and spirit on being positive and having a good attitude about things. Teaching yourself how to succeed in what you want.

I've decided to take some action on that once again, and have promised myself to follow his instructions, even if that means getting up earlier in the morning, or going to sleep half an hour later. I mean, bugger-all else has worked so far, so there's not much to lose really!

I've also promised myself to go out and at least buy a set of "Teach Yourself Portuguese", as I've been postponing it for quite some time now!

I did some thinking in the past days (and that doesn't include the piss-up day obviously) and have decided that I really want to make things work out with my girl, more than anything else right now. It's shouldn't be a difficult ask if we really love each other, although maybe the practicalities of our relationship seem complicated.

So there you have it! Epi has made two commitments to himself, and is pretty darned determined to make changes in his life!

Elemental Chemistry 101

HOMME

A Chemical Analysis

Element: Man

Symbol: Ma


Discoverer: God


Atomic Weight: Accepted as 150 but is known to vary from 125 to 300.


Occurrence: Usually found in close proximity to alcohol.


Physical Properties:

1. Surface often rough, although can be made smooth if deemed necessary.
2. Found in various states but rarely pure.
3. Non-magnetic.
4. Appears to be repelled by any quantity of coin.
5. Very strong attraction to fast cars and bikes.
6. Low melting and boiling points, hence often unstable.
7. Physical size prone to change - see chemical properties

Uses: None

Chemical Properties:

1. Able to absorb vast quantities of alcohol, although saturation can have disastrous effects on reactivity.
2. Shrinks in contact with cold water.
3. Highly volatile if left alone with a female.
4. Specimen not affected by light, although often more reactive in the dark.
5. Often prone to gross exaggeration.

Tests:

1. No test yet devised for purity.
2. Turns yellow if placed beside a bigger specimen.

Caution:

1. Larger specimens should be treated with extreme care.
2. Smaller specimens should be treated with sympathy.

FEMME

A Chemical Analysis

Element: Woman

Symbol: Wo

Discoverer: Adam

Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118 but is known to vary from 100 to 160.

Occurrences: Surplus quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:

1. Surface usually covered in painted film.
2. Boils at nothing and freezes without reason.
3. Melts if given proper treatment.
4. Bitter if used incorrectly.
5. Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Non-magnetic but attracted by coins and sports cars.

Uses:

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Most powerful money-reducing agent known.
3. Can be great aid to relaxation.

Chemical Properties:

1. Possesses great affixity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones.
2. Able to absorb great quantities of excessive sustenance.
3. May explode spontaneously if left alone with male.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
5. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
6. Leaves red deposit to china and cigarettes.

Tests:

1. Pure specimens turn rosy tint if discovered in natural state.
2. Turns green if placed beside better specimen.

Caution:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands, and must be used with great care if experiments are to succeed.
2. It is illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen, though a certain amount of exchange is permitted.

- Manchester and Salford Students' rag mag 1988

Night out

Sincere apologies my friends for not posting anything last night. Unforeseen circumstances!

To be more specific, I went out and got absolutely paraletic.

It all started when I came back from the gym. The phone range and it was a good friend who I hadn't seen for ages. He just got back from a few days off work and could not get into the climate of working again.

We decided to go out for a quick beer-with it being a working day, and all-and went to a nearby bar which we frequented as youngsters.

To cut a long story short, we ended up drinking about a keg of beer each, while our dear barman friend was buying us shots of tequila and some watermelon concoction!

Plastered, wasted, pissed (call it what you will) I treckled back home by 4.30am, got a shower and a coffee, and off to work.

I'm in the office now, posting these words while feeling that I'm floating, living through a dream. It pretty surreal! I haven't done this for quite some time, so last night was a shot in the arm!

Back to work

"Tell me why I don't like Mondays. I wanna shoot the hole day down!" the Boomtown Rats, of Bob Geldof fame, used to sing and was it appropriate for me today!!!

Having spent two weeks off work, this morning was a wake up call. Reality doesn't change, it's just our perspective on things!

Reality slapped me in the face this morning in the rudest way possible. It was not the early (5.30am) wake up, it was not the traffic driving to work, none of these usually frustrating things. It was the realisation that it's now almost four years that I have been doing a job I don't enjoy a single bit, for employers that I've grown to dislike for their ineptitude, disorganisation and bigotry! (I am not trying to be an arrogant sod, nor am I claiming to be God's gift to management here).

"Congratulations Epi, you've invented the wheel!" I hear you cry out in unison. "As if it is the only company in the world that works that way".

I am fully aware that it is not- philosophers know such things you know. It is just that I got weak at the knees because all my efforts to leave there and improve my working life, have to-date proved futile.

Patience and perseverance I know- You see! You jumped the gun again -is the name of the game, and believe me I'm making valiant efforts to improve on that. Sometimes, however, I get scared with time and life passing me by! Could I be going about things wrong? Possibly! Am I spending too much time worrying about things? Certainly! Should I be concentrating on my personal life more than my career? Most definitely. (After all, I sacrificed a good career in search of personal happiness). Could I get through to you-know-who in Brazil over the weekend? No! QED!!!

Anyway. I don't want to pass the negative feelings of my return to work, on to you.

I would like instead to share with you some of the photocopies I got scanned the other day that perfectly describe what I've been ranting about. (I don't know if it is possible, but feel free to make copies of them, as I'm sure they apply elswhere, too).

Have a good week!

Wish you were here!

Ah! Sunday morning! I don't usually wake up early on Sunday's, but I did today. I am going back to work tomorrow after a two week break, and I wanted to get back into the habit of waking up early.

I jumped into the shower, and then, with not much to do, I listened to some music. Staring at the ceiling, thinking about all kinds of things, I felt calm and relaxed.

My Mom called about noon and asked if I fancied the idea of going out for a bite of lunch. Why not! It's a glorious, sunny day, and we were going to one of the restaurants by the sea. Sounded ideal!

I got into the car and off we went! We found a little "taverna" by the beach, overlooking the sea, and the ruins of the ancient city walls. Wonderful! Just think that thousands of years back, other Greeks would have been doing the exact same thing. I find it fascinating!

The food was great, too, and pretty reasonably priced (which was a surprise, since we are in the tourist season). Mouth watering delicacies like grilled calamari, octopus, and fish. Accompanied of course by the inevitable Greek salad and greens. Mmmmmmmm.....bloody Greeks! We can cook some seafood dishes!

It was very relaxing eating there, staring at the inviting blue of the sea-blue and glittering like a mirror-and watching the ships go by. The little joys of life, I guess.

It was a good closing for my two weeks of freedom, before returning to the daily grindstone tomorrow.

I hope you all enjoyed your weekends as much as I did!

It seems I'm a Schmoozer too!

HollyGL has tagged me for a second Thinking Bloggers Award along with a Schmoozer award.

I had to look it up at Wikipedia! ( Schmooze: to converse informally, make small talk or chat).

Thanks HollyGL! I don't know what to say. Just that it's all you people out there bring out the schmoozer in me! I thank you all!!!!

Without further ado, I will pass both these honours to some people who make my hobby of blogging a pleasure. People whose posts are a pleasure to read:

1. Foulbastard


2. Rambling Rebecca


3. Wolfgang


4. The Real Mother Hen


5. Jyankee
   

Here are the rules:
1. If, and only if, you get the Thinking Blogger Award or The Power of Schmooze Award, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think, or have scmoozed you into submission.
2. Link to this post and Mike so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the ‘Thinking Blogger Award’ with a link to the post that you wrote (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn’t fit your blog).

A sincere thank you to all of you guys!

Friday morning in Athens

I couldn't get to sleep last night, so I took my drawing pad and started doodling, while listening to soft music and drinking water. I know, not much excitement in drinking water, but it is still quite hot over here.
The result was something that looks like snoopy and his little bird friend, whose name, for the life of me, I cannot remember. Behold the evidence:

I didn't wake up until nine this morning-I wish it was ten or eleven since I am not working today, but alas, once I opened my eyes, that was it. So, what better excuse to go to the city centre for a walkabout, take some pictures and buy some contact lenses. (Perhaps I've omitted informing my audience that Epi is blind as a bat, and without contacts he would be walking into furniture or even worse, walls).
Equipped myself with my iPod, tickets and patience for the bus, and started off into my Friday morning adventure. I always find it an experience taking the bus. Thankfully, these days they are air-conditioned, but still remain rather "vibrating" -for need of a better word - and with the added bonus of standing, you get to thoroughly enjoy the drivers' impressions of Nikki Lauda! I'm sure it must be quite an experience for all the ladies on board, if you know what I mean.
The excitement only lasted for about ten minutes-suggesting that quite a few folks have started leaving the city for their summers holidays-and we were there!
Since some of you requested photos of Greece, what a perfect opportunity to oblige by mingling with the tourists and going to the change of guard in front of our parliament house. I missed the change of guard by a couple of minutes-damn-but got a couple of photos of the soldiers, the square and the parliament house itself. As far as mingling with the tourists is concerned, I stuck out like a sore thumb, being the only one there without a camera!
Its been such a long time since I last went to that side of the square. I remember my grandpa, Canon, used to take me the to feed the pigeons and the swans in the National Gardens further down. (Great! Now I feel a thousand years old).

Syntagma (Constitution) Square, with the Parliament house in the background

And again.

Parliament House

National Guard in summer uniform

By the end of this excursion down memory lane, it was time to buy my contacts which were packaged for me in a bag bearing a rather odd-as far as optical products are concerned-advert on it. No wonder my eyes water every time I wear my contacts!

Will I grow more eyes in a few months?

My top 15 songs

I love my music! I cannot live without music! Almost in everything I do, I have music playing in the background.
My first job when I get in my car-actually second, since I have to put the key in the ignition-is to turn the music on. When I take a shower, the music is on. There's nothing better than a good singalong when taking a shower, though my neighbours I'm sure will disagree.
But there are some songs that have become part of me, closely linked to good and bad memories alike. You will notice that of the songs I'm listing, most have sad, or even depressing lyrics. That's me! Even when I listen to music, I need to think!

1. Blue Monday - New Order
   My all time favourite song, of my all time favourite band!
   "How does it feel to treat me like you do?" - The story of my relationships
2. Shake the Disease - Depeche Mode
   "...you know how hard it is for me to shake the disease
   that takes hold of my tongue in situations like these..." - I asked my first love to go out with me by playing this song on her walkman. I was too scared to ask!
3. Diamonds and Rust - Judas Priest
   Yeah, I know it's a Joan Baez song, but I prefer the Priest version.
   "...yes we both know what memories can bring,
   they bring diamonds and rust..."
4. Touched By The Hand Of God - New Order
   "...and now I'm down here all alone, with every feeling that I own,
   you can't take that away..." - what can I say?
5. Subculture - New Order
   "...what do I get out of this?
   I always try. I always miss..." - Applicable on many periods of my life!
6. Heart - Pet Shop Boys
   "...if I didn't love you, I would look around for someone else,
   but every time I see you, you have the same effect.
   My heart starts missing a beat!" - For my certain someone
7. Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd
   "...when I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse out of the corner of my eye.
   I turned to look, but it was gone. I can not put my finger on it now..." - It always brings tears to my eyes. The solo guitar at the end goes through to my bones!
8. Appetite - Prefab Sprout
   "...I don't want to sell you lies,
   I only mean to do you right..." - That's me!
9. What Difference Does It Make - The Smiths
   "...heavy words are so lightly thrown..." - For all my ex's.
10. Landing in London -3 Doors Down
    "...and all these days I spend away,
    I'll make up for it. I swear!..." - reminds me of my girl! (I always keep my word)
11. Take It Easy - Eagles
    "...don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy..."
12. Missing - Everything But The Girl
    "...and I miss you, like the desserts miss the rain..."
13. P.S. -James
    "...You're falling, you're falling, falling from your god-like distance.
    You're fashion, just fashion, fashion doesn't keep.
    You're sour, so sour, all is hope and trust is misplaced.
    You're sour, now you are alone..." - I was playing this song when I resigned from my previous job
14. Five-O - James
    "...if it lasts forever, hope I'm the first to die..."
    "...are you here for the party, or are you here for the pain?..."
15. Alaskan Pipeline - James
    "...oh, you say life's so unfair,
    ooh, you can ill afford to hold to this views,
    ooh, you need something to blame.
    But it's you! It's your truth!" - Helped me through so many difficult times!

Out of the cave and into the 21st century

Am I thrilled or what?
Yesterday, having nothing better to do with my time, I decided to finally setup my scanner cum copier cum fax machine. I say finally, because I got it for free when I bought my PC about two and a half years ago!
The first task was actually finding the blasted thing! Not an easy task I might add. It involved the use of ladders, shifting boxes, cleaning up wardrobes, etc. You get the picture.
The setup itself was pretty straight forward, as it usually is with such equipment these days. The exception was looking for the USB cable. It took me ten minutes, and a variety of Greek words, to find the original packaging of the PC and digging it out.
Ten minutes for the software to install and we were cooking! All that sweat-it is still quite hot over here-rearranging of boxes, cleaning and tidying up wardrobes, had paid off! I then went through some photocopies of fun stuff that I've been keeping in a folder, and scanned them through to my PC. If you behave yourselves, I'll share them with you in due course.
I also scanned some drawings I had made all those years ago, while I was bored senseless, in an empty house, when I first started working in Nigeria! Those, are not really worth sharing with you because they are pathetic!
It is only the one below that is perhaps worth showing. I drew it looking at the image on a promotional packet of Camels (there's one good thing smoking did for me). Feast your eyes world:



PS. For all my American friends out there, Happy Independence Day!

Words

As I was leaving home to go to school, my mom would always tell me: "Have a good day, and remember to be careful of traffic, women and drugs".
Wise words, that have followed me through my life! So long, I've only had a single encounter with drugs, and never had an accident in the streets (though I've come close to, twice). It is just the part of women that I haven't mastered yet, and never believe I will! What can I say. It is not as if I'm the only man on the planet who has not mastered the art of reading a woman's mind.
But I digress! The issue for writing this post is to share with you the words of a not so famous Greek expat in West Africa. Words that I return to on difficult times.

The gentleman has called a subordinate to his office to give him a piece of his mind for something that was done contrary to his instructions.

The subordinate is trying all sort of excuses to cover up for his mistake in a vain attempt to pull the proverbial wool over the manager's eyes.
Frustrated for not being able to find the cause of the breakdown in communication, at the end of his tether with listening to stupid excuses the manager lashes out:

"You think I know fuck nothing? I know fuck all!"

True words of wisdom! Words that are etched to my mind forever....

Speechless

I could write about the forest fires of the past few days-305 fires in 3 days-which consumed large amounts of the precious little green left on this rugged land.
I could write about the bitter squabbling of the politicians, firemen, and forestry department on all media, on who's fault this disaster is.
I could write about the ugly pictures of burnt carcases of forest animals caught in the inferno.
I could write about the findings of incendiary devices at the scenes where the fires started.
I could write about the temperature rise, the flash flooding, the landslides, or the unbearable smog. Threats looming over us, after we failed to protect the forest surrounding the concrete maze of Athens.
I will not!
I will quietly mourn the deep scars we inflicted on our host land!
Mourn the death of dignity in this country!

Please Mom! I want one!

Ooooh, yes! I'm getting me one of the beauties!
A die hard gadgeteer, I started on these little machines when I first got myself the Palm Pilot about six months from reading an article on hand writing recognition. What a ride it was! I spent hours on end on my new acquisition, writing stuff with the stylus, getting a feel of what 20th century technology is like! Even had it on the dresser on my bed, like a ten year old, when I went to sleep.

I don't consider myself an impulse shopper, but when it comes to gadgets of this sort, I get this itchy feeling in the palm of my hand. I never get bored with them! I don't have the time to, anyway, since they tend to upgrade and develop at neck breaking speed. Then it's a case of giving the old one to Dad--everyone else in the family loathes my generosity since he is not the most hi-tech person in the family, always asking operational instructions from other family members. More often than not is my niece who pays the price, having to explain how to set up a new ring tone, how to add a new background picture, how to switch the thing off etc--and getting the next model.

The buggers are not making it easy for me either. Whenever I got off the plane in Switzerland on the way to Greece for holidays--with invariably 4 to 6 hours to kill--I'd find myself in the electronics' stores checking out what's new. I would never buy from there though! It was always a case of noting down the model of the gadget I liked and buying it from Greece, or have my uncle buy it and send it over from Singapore or Taiwan. Then I'd go to the newsagents next door and buy me a chocolate treat to celebrate the upcoming new purchase! I can assure you that there have been countless such chocolate celebrations over the years!

The latest such purchase was when I was last in the UK in December '06. Following a string of business meetings, a visit to Old Trafford--you must know Manchester United's ground--and a sentimental walk down memory lane at the University of Manchester campus, I was left with a day to kill. I found some very helpful people at the Apple store who wanted to fill my time by showing me various ways of getting rid of that bulge in my pocket. (Now guys! I am referring to my wallet here. Please don't drop the standards!) Ten minutes later I'm the proud owner of an iPod, with still lots of time to spare.

Now is the turn of the iPhone. It is going to be my present for quiting smoking, which in turn is going to be the source of the budget for it! I've got it all sorted out! The fall is approaching and the itchy feeling in my palm is getting more intense!