Friday, 20 July 2007

Mutt Update

It turns out that Mutt is actually a female! Slap my thigh! It was a pimple after all!
Yes! It has been officially checked and confirmed - and cost me a fiver on a wager. The methodology used was pretty scientific! We gave him...her something to eat, and then stroked her - got it right this time - while she was lying on her back.
(I suppose a little rehash of the birds and bees story is pretty darned necessary in our offices. After all, even the ladies got the gender wrong! It seems that as far as a sex life goes, we are a pretty miserable, useless bunch in there. People reading this blog will know my excuse. I wonder what theirs is).
On the positive side, at least it's not a stray, skinny dog with a pimple sized willy!
Since obviously Mutt is an inappropriate name for a female dog, we now need to come up with a new name. There was a big debate during lunch, and the final options are:
  1. Bitch - my choice (both a female and cost me a fiver!)
  2. Lady - I find it pretty pedestrian.
  3. Bones - Might give her a complex (you know, with all this Anorexia halabaloo going on)
  4. Tart - I just came up with that! (similar to Bitch but sweet, too!)
  5. Some other pretty lame, finger-in-throat kinda name.

PS 1. I believe this post has cost me ALL my female audience!

PS 2. She still eats as if it's going out of fashion!

16 comments:

rp said...

Ok, none of the names you suggest will do, in my opinion. How about Ista mulier. It means that woman in Latin. Apparently quite the insult, really. But it sounds better than kargiola. Never let be said that I don't appreciate good profanity :)

HollyGL said...

Any name will do. Just take good care of her.

Kate said...

I see there are a few women left in the world who will speak to you...Be sure to tell her she's SVELTE, not skinny. She'll like you better. What about "Flaka"? That means "skinny" in Spanish, but she'll only be insulted if she understands the language.

JYankee said...

hmm gotta do better Epi!

Random Magus said...

I like Lady...

Blur Ting said...

Don't tell me you only have 2 classification of women in your life - bitch or tart. Then where do we fit?

I have several male dogs at home and I forgot to tell you that it's easy to tell they are male. They pee everywhere, by the pillars, on my car tyre...

Epimenides said...

rp - aah! I never thought of the lating option! Btw "Bitch" in Greek is not necessarily as profane as the synonym you've got there!!! ;)

hollygl - we are taking good care of her, I ensure you! We've bathed, fed her and gave her a couple of toys, too!

Kate - Yes! "Flaka" is quite catchy!!! :)

jyankee - we're working on it! :)

random - We wanted something more special for her. :)

ting - No! This has nothing to do with my human female friends!!!! We simply want a simple, unusual and descriptive name for a cute and lucky stray dog! :)

"Wolfgang" said...

I vote for Flaka as well.

Epimenides said...

Well! The issue was finalised by the ladies at work. Frida it is!

David said...

RP: Way to go; breaking out the Latin curse words always shows style!

I can think of a few other classifications for women but really you won't appreciate them after the vicious tongue lashing you've already received for bitch and tart.

Let me just say that while there are many classifications for the female of the species one of my favorites is surely the Bitchy Tart. And there's always her counterpart the Foul Bastard. Two perfect dog names right there. Free of charge. ;)

Epimenides said...

David - You must have a good repertoit of foul latin words, being from FLA, right?
BTW they say that in order to speak a foreign language it is absolutely important to learn how to swear! (Probably a foul bastard theory) ;)

Blur Ting said...

Just kidding...but Frida is a nice name!

rp said...

I like the name Frida, Epi. I Twittered you the Web site where I picked up that little gem. It gives you the swear words of MANY languages. I was less successful finding that actual term for female dog than i was finding the most vulgar form of the word. Go figure!

Anonymous said...

i have agood suggestion, call her emilia

Uncle Phatato said...

I've got three girls myself, and non of them would appreciate the name bitch...

Anonymous said...

Das Bettelarmband existiert als thomas sabo online Schmuckstück bereits seit Jahrzehnten. sabo schmuck Ursprünglich wurde es getragen, um sich von nahestehenden thomas sabo charm Menschen Anhänger „zusammenzubetteln“ und dadurch ein Schmuckstück zu besitzen, thomas sabo glaube liebe hoffnung das eine ganz persönliche Geschichte erzählen konnte. Nicht selten wurde es weiter vererbt thomas sabo und immer wieder in jeder Generation mit neuen Anhängern erweitert. thomas szabo Auch heute noch ist das Bettelarmband ein sehr beliebtes Accessoire. thomas sabo armbänder Und auch heute noch verbirgt es oftmals schmuck thomas sabo ketten Geschichten in sich, die eine ganz persönliche Bedeutung für seinen Träger bzw. seine Trägerin haben. Die einzelnen thomas sabo onlineshop Anhänger, die man an das Bettelarmband anbringen kann, können ganz unterschiedlichen Ursprungs sein. Einige thomas sabo ohrschmuck kauft man sich vielleicht selbst, andere lässt man sich von lieben Mitmenschen schenken und verbindet so mit dem Anhänger immer eine schöne Erinnerung.