Where's Epi?

It's been a fortnight since I last posted a single word, or since I last visited my friends' blogs.

In total embarrassment, I apologise for disappearing off the face of the earth as it were, but it really has been - and still is - pretty hectic.


If I were to sum up the goings on in my life in these days, it would be as follows:

WORK

Yes, that's where I've been! Working like it's going out of fashion!

Clocking an average of twelve hours a day, including - albeit reluctantly - participating in the relief for the victims of the recent wildfires.

That's pretty much it!

I've been spending most of my limited free time catching up on some Z's and trying to keep my house in a livable state.

Highlights of the past two weeks have been taking my car in for a service (and changing break ads) and voting on the general election! That's pretty pathetic for life content in any one's book. Right?

Unfortunately, I'm still not in a position to guarantee frequent posts, but I promise to put in a more concerted effort.

I miss you guys!

Talk to you soon!!!

Under Attack

Having disappeared for a few days, inundated with the demands at the work front, I return bearing apologies for my disappearance along with bad news.

For the past three days, Greece and in particular the Peloponese and Evia have been on fire! They even started a couple of fires at the remaining parts of green surrounding Athens, which were thankfully put out. Saturday morning, the skies over the capital were covered by thick smoke, and it was literally raining ashes!

With an approximate 200 odd wild fires over the past days, the situation is pretty desperate, and the whole country has been set in a state of emergency and assistance has been requested from our international friends. Greece is under attack!

The weather is on the arsonists side, since this time of the year the prevailing north-eastern winds keep the fires burning, while they consume tree after tree, village after village, leaving behind them chaos and disaster.

The authorities were once again caught with their pants down, unprepared and in a state of utter panic and disorganisation. Watching pictures of people fighting the fires with branches, buckets of water and garden hoses, trying in vain to save their livelihood from the ten meter high flames, just shows the desperation of the situation.

We are already mourning the deaths of 53 people, who were unable to flee their houses and were caught in the midst of the raging inferno. The charred remains of a woman were found in a car, along with her three children!

Fears that that there is some kind of sinister plan to destroy this country are enhanced by the simultaneous appearance of new fronts during the evenings - when the fire fighting aircraft can not operate - and the recovery of sophisticated incendiary devices. There's even a video of a couple of guys starting a fire at the forests near Athens!

At the time of writing these lines, the raging fire is steadily approaching the sacred ancient site of Olympia - the cradle of the Olympic Games - and it is yet unclear whether the museum has been consumed by the flames or not!

Over the past three days people have lost their houses, all their possessions, while beautiful forests have been reduced to ashes. The only hope is the spirit of these people!

As a country we have been through several disasters over the centuries and still have managed to recover and come back strong.

Let's just hope that the Phoenix will soon resurrect from its ashes and fly high in full pride!

Doing Nothing

I thoroughly enjoyed today, and it isn't over yet!

As I mentioned in my previous post, today is a public holiday in Greece. It is Holly Mary's Assumption day (thanks rebecca for the terminology) and every thing in Greece is closed.

I woke up late - at least by the standards of the past couple of weeks - at around 8.30, had some breakfast and listened to some music while taking a long hot shower.

Stood in front of the mirror and looked at my reflection for some time and noticing my "love handles" have significantly reduced. Even in my grossly overweight days, I never did have a pot belly. For some strange reason, I've always expanded laterally. I was what you would call two-and-a-half-dimension fat!

The black circles around my eyes have reduced, too, since, I started applying a soothing lotion, and though unshaven for a day, the stubble on my face had some "designer" quality to it.

I felt comfortable enough with my appearance to be in the public view!

We spent the day at my Uncle and Aunt's place in the north suburbs of deserted Athens. We had a barbecue lunch and a good laugh. I hadn't seen them for weeks, and even then it was in a hurry!

Returning home, I decided to make yet another significant donation to the mobile phone company, and rung up my girl in Rio. I've been trying to get through for the past couple of days, but it was all in vain. Today was different! Though I didn't succeed in waking her up - I believe I've mentioned how much I like her sexy, freshly awoken voice - it was a sexy discussion nevertheless! My non existent Portuguese flowed effortlessly from my mouth, and she made sense of it! I do improvise well, I suppose.

She will be visiting soon for what she describes as a "lua de mel" (moonlight of honey = honeymoon) vacation, and I'll reciprocate with a "lua de mel" visit to Brazil soon after. A hell of a lot of "mel" coming my way, and, boy-oh-boy do I have a sweet tooth!!!

My next task in this do-as-little-as-possible day, will be to listen to the football match on the internet and hope that ManU don't fail to score again today!

Tomorrow is back to the old daily routine! Doesn't time fly when you're having fun?

Back to "Normal"

Just a brief post to thank you all for your kind words of support and encouragement for this philosopher who was feeling a bit overawed by life last night! I truly thank you all!

As of the time of opening my eyes this morning I've been in a great mood! Perhaps it was just a phase of the moon the affected me - I do fit in the category of those affected by the lunar cycle. The lunatics! - or perhaps it was the fact that today I have the day off! Not just me. It's the whole of Greece. It's the commemoration of the death of Holly Mary, and it's a public holiday!

It is also my mom's name day - a celebration on the day of the saint somebody is named after - and, typical me, I will present her with just a hug and a kiss! I once again forgot!

Work today was actually pretty good. The typical daily shambles, but I just seemed to be in a cloud of my own the whole time.

On my way back home, I had a close encounter with a hearse - I keep drawing them to me it seems - in somewhat of a hurry! I mean, I was doing sixty and was barely keeping up! Count Dracula must have been thirsty for some young virgin's blood. He must be new in town, because there's hardly any young women of that variety left. The only virgins in Athens are the Caryatids at the Erechthion at the Acropolis, and even those are plaster cast fakes!

I got home safe and rewarded myself with some Haagen Das, Belgian chocolate ice cream!

I have the opportunity to sleep in tomorrow and that is worth a calorie abundant celebration!

Tired

A doodle prepared between several phone calls

Driving to work each morning I pass through a junction with a little memorial in the shape of a Greek Orthodox church on one of the corners. It was placed there by the family and friends of a poor 25year old who was killed -run over by a truck - on that particular spot.

It always makes me think of the cliche "Live each day of your life as if it were your last one".

Have I done that today? Have I in fact done so in the past weeks and months? The answer is "No"!

I even wonder sometimes whether I actually have a life!

Going through the daily routine of getting up at 5.00am and being at the office until 8.00pm or 9.00pm hardly constitutes having a life. (Keep in mind that it's a job that I do not like, for a company I like even less)!

Returning home exhausted with enough energy to only prepare a bowl of corn flakes for dinner, trying to steal some minutes to write a post so that I don't alienate myself from new friends - I have not seen your childhood friends for almost a year now! - perhaps make a phone call to my girlfriend half way across the globe, getting a shower and five hours sleep before I hit this vicious circle again, hardly constitutes having a life!

I ask the Big Guy upstairs to cut me some slack, knowing deep inside that I should be grateful for my health, my family, my friends.

Yet, I still know that there is more to life than this!

There must be a better job out there for me! There must be some way of making a family with my girl! There must be some way of filling up my life!

All I am asking for, BIG GUY, is Cut Me Some Slack Already!!!

Strange Dream

Standing in front of a hospital bed, looking at my father laying there, fresh out of the operating theater, my mother sitting next to him, holding his hand, with a worried look on her face.
I woke up in a cold sweat and spoke aloud: "Please God not my Dad"! It was October '99 and I was in Ghana.
A week later my sister informed me that dad had and appendectomy on the day I saw that dream!
I didn't think about it until December the same year, when my dad was admitted to the hospital for a second time, for another operation since it seemed that the cancer was not completely cleared the first time.
It was the afternoon after the operation, while standing over my dad's bed, that it struck me. I had lived that moment before!
I looked around the room, and everything was so familiar. The layout, the postures of all present, even the name of the old gentleman recovering in the next bed!
I didn't speak about it with anyone for months to come, fearing derision or strange looks at the very least!
I've had some deja vu kind of experiences before, but nothing as strong or freaking out as this!

Here goes another one

...flying over the cookoo's nest!

This seems to be the best description of office life these past couple of weeks.

Thankfully, I'm not the only one in there desperately trying to keep up with what seems to be a long lost plot!

It has now become painfully obvious that our ERP and WPS systems are not best of friends, they hardly ever communicate with each other, except for human intervention. We have therefore changed our job titles to "Human Interfaces", constantly transferring data from one to the other.

Meanwhile, we try to put some discipline into the two spoilt kindergarten brats, only to be thrown back by some new surprising behaviour by each of them. The use of pen and paper has become mandatory, to such an extent that we seem to go through a dozen of trees' worth of paper a day!

Deep inside, all of us are aware that we are completely and utterly screwed for the next few months! It'll take a lot of time for the two brats to reconcile their differences and become the friends we all hope and pray they become. Time that we don't have since the Earth revolves around itself every twenty for hours!

To make things more interesting, the majority of the people are taking their annual leave around this time, leaving behind a couple of heroic fighters trying desperately to joggle a few hundred of daily tasks between them.

What is surprising though, is that this state of affairs has brought up the best of the previously untapped humour hidden in each and every one of us!

No action occurs without somebody making a funny remark about it! Especially when there some kind of a cock up involved. And believe you me, there's a heck of a lot of cock ups these days!

The hours we spend at the office, carrying out our "interface" duties are building up to such an extent, that today we even ordered out for a pizza for dinner. Other co-workers go out for drinks or food. We bring it to the office!

With September being the busiest moth in the year for our company, and the proverbial light-in-the-tunnel of our current software mess being months away, we have all resigned to the idea that the trend of pizza dinners at the office is going to become a status quo.

Anyone care for a slice?

The phonecall

I got through to Brazil on the phone last night. It has taken me a couple of days - including falling asleep with the phone in my hand - but I did it.
She was at home, taking a nap. I have this "fetish" about hearing her voice when she's just woken up, which I might add, she doesn't always appreciate!
All the sexy thoughts flew out of the window though, when she said that she was recovering from the car accident!
"What car accident???"
"Don't worry! It was nothing! I'm fine but a bit sore."
"What? When? How?"
"Don't worry! I'll write you an email"
My absent Portuguese and her poor English made it impossible to discuss the issue into further detail. I desperately need that teach-yourself book quick, along with a respite of the long work hours at the office.
On the plus side of things, it looks that she will be visiting here soon and I can't wait to see her again.
I feel like a silly teenager with a crush!
Perhaps it's true that "you are only as old as the woman you feel!" ;)

I could do with this right now

Ten or so years ago, while working in Africa, my friend M. and I decided to spend our leave in Myconos, the Ibiza kinda destination in the Agean. We were looking for a 24-hours-a-day party, and this Cycladic island is the full package.

We rented a scooter - I was the passenger, since vehicles with less than four wheels scare the living daylights out of me - and found a nice bungalow at Super Paradise on the rocks overlooking the beach at a very good rate.

We took a swim the following morning, and noticed a series of boats bringing in people to the beach. By 12.30 it was jam packed! There were people of all ages, bearing bathing suits or not! In fact, at some point I warned J.J not to even think about yawning, because God knows what could end up in his mouth!
Rave music was pumping from the humongous loudspeakes of the beach bar, inviting everybody for a drink and a dance! We gladly accepted the invitation, ending up being totally plasterred within a couple of hours. Super Paradise indeed!!!
By the time the sun started its decent into the horizon - a beautiful sight regardless of the alcohol intake - we were paraletic, but still in need for more! Took a sobering cold shower, dressed up for the evening (ie. jeans and T-shirts) and made our way to the main town in Myconos. Singing and laughing on the scooter during the thirty minure trip, we were laughed upon by overtaking large motorbikes, but we couldn't care less. We were where we wanted to be, doing what we wanted to do!
We found ourselves going in circles in the narrow streets of the main town, looking at the white houses, trying to get our bearings, yet constantly being distracted by loosely clad members of the opposite sex proudly displaying their tans among other things. It was going to be a long night!
We found a spot for some coffee and sat there, staring at the people walking by! It was 8.00pm! It was early even for dinner!
An hour or so of coffee drinking, and "sightseeing" later, we were off to grab a bite to eat, and some more alcohol to quench our thirst. We paid through the nose for a seafood dinner, in a nice restaurant, and went next door to a piano bar for a drink. We got hit upon a couple of times, and realised it was a gay bar. What the heck! The music was good and the coctails even better!
Come midnight it was time for hardcore partying. Lots of options available, but we first went to the Scandinavian bar. Cool beer, a very friendly barman and lots of people dancing and drinking.
We kept interrupting our beer drinking, having shot of Quantreau-Drambuie-Grand Marnier. Lethal stuff! Sweet taste in the mouth closely followed by what seems like a nuclear explosion in the stomach!
Two girls speaking English stood next to us at the bar, so I decided to get social. We bought them drinks, they bought us drinks, we danced, we talked. They had come from South Africa and were on the island for a week. As a group, ended up going from bar to bar until the sun started appearing in the horizon.
It was time for breakfast! We got some sandwiches, and sat on the beach, eating and watching the local people going about their daily routine. We were invited to the girls' bungalow to sleep -among other things - for a couple of hours, went home to change and hit the beach.
Seven days of this relentless schedule later, we were on the boat, making our way back to Athens, completely shattered, sunburnt, hung over, broke but extatic non the less.
We promissed ourselves a repeat performance the following year, and the year after....
We ended up going there four years in a row! It became a ritual to us, regardless of any other destinations we would visit each summer.

That was the week that was

Fourteen days without break, and I have the Sunday off! Fourteen really long and eventful days, that, come Monday are sure to be followed by more of the same.
I am tired, angry and frustrated that somebody is using my staff and I as beta testers and Guinea pigs for a stupid, pointless project while ruining three years' worth of hard work of organising a department to virtually run itself.
The "brain" - and I use the term loosely - behind the project, even had the audacity to complain about my staff's performance and adaptability to me. I didn't dignify him with a response - which would probably have been the Greek equivalent of a torrent of four letter words - and instead opted to give a piece of my mind to my boss the following day. As they say about people of my size: "Good things come in small packages, but so do potent poisons"!
You do not destroy something functional because you cannot carry out basic project planning and because you want somebody else to do all the hard work for you, and then turn around and insult them! It just isn't on!
I have good relations with all of my staff, and I'm actually proud of their work, development and effort! No, incompetent ass, no matter how far up the "food chain" will be allowed to speak a bad word for them, and expect to get away with it. I am a vengeful sod, and I'm in the process of gathering information for a detailed report to the MD about this sorry excuse of a project.
Why then do I commit myself into this work so much as to sacrifice my personal time on it? It's not because of job security purposes, I can ensure you. I can stay without work for a number of years, during which time I'll surely encounter something better. It's not because I'm expecting comments of gratitude and appreciation from this lot. It's simply because I don't like seeing three years of hard work crumble to pieces in a fortnight! Most importantly, I cannot sit there and watch a perfectly good team of people being used as pawns in some moron's project wet dream!
I know I am ranting and raving - perhaps not even making any sense - and you don't deserve to be reading this crap. I just need to vent out the frustration of the past few days.
This blog, however, is dedicated to at least providing a smile on the face of the people reading it. Judging by the ladies' comments on my previous post, there is quite an interest in jokes about guy's "members" - for need of better expression - so I hope you enjoy what follows below.

A guy walks into the Gents' and notices a rather tanned gentleman standing next to him bearing a huge "dingaling"."I wish mine could be as long as that" said the man, unable to hide his admiration."No problem", said the coloured gentleman. "All you have to do is tie a bit of string to a brick, tie the other end to your willy, and walk with it dangling between your legs for a week".The next week they meet up in the same toilet in the same bar."That treatment of your is fantastic. Look!" he said pointing at his willy. "It's already turned black!"

Two guys are enjoying a beer at the bar.

Noticing a dog, lying on the floor, licking it's genitals, one guy says to the other:

"Oh! How I wish I could do that!"

"Give him a couple of biscuits and perhaps he'll let you"

Gangbanged!

My dear fellow bloggers, this is not an X-rated themed post, although the odd profanity may make its way to the text. Instead, it's a pretty accurate description of how my co-workers and I feel after this weekend at work.

A more accurate description would by "gangbanged by a Viagra overdosed horde of elephants, freshly released from a ten year sexual drought". Yes! That's more like it.

I find stock taking a tedious, boring, but nevertheless important part of working life. It comes once or twice a year, and everyone is mentally prepared for getting bored senseless of trying to find stuff and accounting for any kinds of variances. So how do you make it more interesting to the staff?

Well, our gracious employers, always considering the best way of maintaining the spirits of the staff high during such periods, this year came up with an alternative plan! At the end of it, they planned the live introduction of an additional software package, designed to make our lives easier, and reducing the manual input of data to our ERP system.

It has been a project going on for the past four, perhaps five months. There have been meetings upon meetings, discussions upon discussions covering the length of the project, including a whole one hour (!) training session for the people who are going to be using it. It was during that training session, that we all realised we were dead meat! We raised questions about the procedures, the input method and so on and so forth. The software company representative who was giving us the training had an answer for each of our questions.

Yet answers of the type: "They didn't mention you need this!", "We were not requested to cover that kind of situation", "Is that what actually happens?", are hardly reassuring that all is well in the western front!

Come last Sunday every tiniest fear we had that we were totally screwed, was finally realised!

We finished our stock taking by 09.30am and then it was a matter of going live on the new system.

To be fair, the first couple of tests gave excellent results. We were cooking with gas!

Were we f..k!!! When it came to linking to our ERP, you could actually smell the foul scent of shit, while listening to the deafening sound of it hitting the proverbial fan! 11.45am the whole process ground to a halt, while the IT guys were trying to sort out the issue.

It was a slow and painful experience that went on and on. Five coffees later, hours and hours of SQL-what the hell it is I don't even want to know-we were getting a dim bright spot at the end of a quite long tunnel! In the meantime, several of the staff were excused to leave and join their families, for whatever was left to them of the Sunday afternoon. I went around the premises seeking for the dog - she has not been seen since Saturday and I fear she has met with some kind of ill fortune from the mongrels in the vicinity of our offices - then watched a helicopter do water drops on a rubbish pit fire 300 yards away, and then sat on my desk and doodled some tropical island scene.

The sun descended into the horizon, but we were still there, by now struggling with the communication between the software packages. To cut a long story short, some kind of a breakthrough came by 11.45pm, and we all decided to call it a day.

Monday was going to be better, we reassured each other, while getting into our cars. Was it f..k?

Come Monday morning we realised that although the two systems were communicating, they were exchanging information of no use to each other! Wait! Wait! It gets better!!!!

Lots of IT fiddling going on, the whole premises ground to a halt, and the phones starts to ring. Our inter company customers were calling to find out whether our logistics department was going to meet their needs! Ha! Fat chance! Not in your lifetime dude! Not with this kind of project preparation!

It turns out that our new super duper package can do virtually anything you ask it to do. It's a real pity, though, that during all these months of running the project, nobody considered looking at our procedures, nobody thought it would be worth their while to if not ask, at least sit in a corner and take notes of how the department works.

As a result, we are now three days into the system going live, we have managed to cover about 20% of our work, and the paperwork raised requires a small army of personnel for data entry alone! It is like someone came to your house, decided to use your stove to bake you a cake, and demolished your kitchen while doing it!

This is a big mess that will take some time to set straight, especially with virtually half of the people due to go on leave in August! Perhaps the Chinese proverb says "may you live in interesting times" but this is pretty much ludicrous. Bloody Greeks, taking things to extremes again!

Helicopter putting out fire across our offices

My island retreat doodle

Mom's plants

What can I say? The next place they'll start a fire in this city, will most probably be my mom's balcony! She's got a couple of plants there, so what the heck!
The ARSEonists hit again yesterday, setting fire to a hill about 7km from the centre of Athens!!!! (As I'm writing this, there's a new fire about 15km from the center! Go figure!).
At this rate, the dogs will have to go to the toilet on our legs and finding a tree in the vicinity of Athens will become the new Treasure Hunt - it will most probably be broadcast live on television, as the new reality game craze, so stay tuned!
For the life of them, the authorities can not catch a single one of these guys for the past thirty years! Simply catch him and let him to the hands of the mob. The only justice their sort deserves!
What the heck is wrong with these people? It must be true that when god was handing out genitalia, they rushed to jump the cue, but when he started handing out brains, they were busy playing with what they already got!
Words coming to my head are of the "decorative" type adjectives about the bunch of lunatics inhabiting this arm like piece of land, so I gather this should be the best place to end this post and promise to return to my blogging routine tomorrow with a happier theme!

A song for the ARSEonists:




PS. Next time you visit this country, please bring your own tree!!!

My encounter with Speedy Gonzales

Returning from work, a couple of years ago, I was driving along enjoying the ride, especially since I'd just finished a horrible 18 hour day at the office.
There I was, heater on - it was November or December - and the music pumping on the stereo.
Paid at the toll booth, and proceeded to enter the motorway! Indicated, got into the far left speed lane - I belong to the scarce minority of Greek drivers who indicate when changing lanes - and off I went.
That particular stretch of motorway goes up a mountain, and the speed limit is 100km (60m). There I am doing 130km (70m) - don't forget we are in Greece, where speed limits are taken with a pinch of salt.
Suddenly, I see in my rear view mirror, a guy about 200 yards away doing what seemed like 100m, flashing his headlights. I indicated, and tried to get in the stream of cars in the slower lane on my right. They wouldn't let me!
Speedy Gonzales - driving the latest Christine model - in the rear is now right on my tail, flashing his high beams on me and blowing his horn. Since I couldn't move over, I stepped on the gas and accelerated, trying to save myself from getting run over.
Gonzales accelerates with me, so you have two raving lunatics, doing 120m going up a bleeding mountain! Just what the doctor ordered for a return trip home!
It was getting pretty desperate out there, so I turned my indicator on and squeezed into the traffic on the right, earning myself the kindest comments in the Greek vocabulary from the drivers I had just cut into!
As Gonzales was now overtaking me, his passenger thought it wise to comment on my driving through an open window. Call of wrong move!
I wound down the window and through a fully stretched arm, I delivered to him the birdie!
So, now we have the even better situation of two raving Greeks driving next to each other, complimenting each other, enhancing in the process the other drivers' vocabulary.
Not my proudest moment, I must admit, but it had been a long and difficult day. All I wanted was to get back home, and instead I'm getting chased up a mountain by a nouveau riche rear end orifice, who decided he had to check the limits of his turbo charged manhood extension.
Through tunnels we went, through turns we drove, shouting abuse at each other - I just could not let go - until I saw a parked police car on the hard shoulder at the end of the tunnel.
Drove right behind the police and slammed on my brakes! Gonzales, thought I wanted a fight - apparently didn't notice the police - stopped right behind me. BIG mistake!
"Is everything alright?" said the policeman.
"I believe these guys are chasing me officer!" I responded.
"Leave it to me, sir! I'll take care of this!"
We all got out of our cars and startedtelling the officer what had happened.
"Ok, sir. You can leave now" he said to me, bringing out his ticket book, and preparing to deliver some of his autographs to Gonzales and his friend.
It felt soooooooooooooooooooo sweet!

The block that wasn't...

Three seconds to the final whistle, they were down by nine baskets and the opposing guys were preparing to add insult to injury by slam dunking! Perhaps it was only a two-on-two game, but he could not allow that to happen! It was bad enough that they were going to pay for the beers at the bar, but to also have to live through the taunts of a double-score defeat was simply not on.
His eyes on the ball, he summoned all his energy and run behind the attacking centre, poised to make the block. Almost in slow motion, they both lifted up in the air, the ball landed into the basket, and Epi on the guy's calf.
First to speak was Snap. He spoke loud, with his electric voice rushing through Epi's right leg! Upon hitting the ground, Crackle decided to have a word as well. His message was clear and made it's way to Epi's brain in a flash!
He collapsed on the floor in agony. His best friend V. rushed over to see what happened.
"Oh! It's nothing! I think I twisted my ankle! Nothing that a little cold water can not make good." Epi responded.
Couple of minutes later, they are driving back to the house, discussing what went wrong with the game and, perhaps most importantly, which watering hole to visit for the evening. No problem with the legs. No pain on either of them as Epi was pressing on the gas, or the clutch while shifting gears.
They got to the house within ten minutes. V. got out first while Epi was preparing to place the sun screen on the dashboard. He tried to get out of the car, but on touching the flood with either foot, he felt the electricity flow through his body. Those bastards, Snap and Crackle were still around. Good job Pop missed the party!
He was taken for X-rays, where it was confirmed that he had broken a bone in his left foot and one in his right leg. 100% success! As the radiologist jokingly exclaimed, almost falling of his crutches - he had met with Snap only the previous day on the football field.
Another half an hours drive to the nearest hospital, and Epi was flat on his stomach, with both legs up in the air, and plaster applied to them.
It definitely was not the kind of "plastering" they had in mind when they were making plans for the evening with his mate V!
All that was nothing compared to the phone calls the twenty seven year old guys would have to make to their folks, telling them what had happened. They would go ape with worry, and all kinds of questions would have to be answered.
Phone calls made, the complicated trip to the bathroom handled with success, they sat on the front balcony of V's summer house, staring at the sea, drinking and having a good laugh about life!
At least it meant that Epi was going to be two weeks late going back to work in Nigeria!

Change your life

So there I am tired and fed up with my shopping spree, and decided it was time to take it easy, by taking a stroll through a bookstore.

It had been almost three years since I last was in Manchester, and wanted to relive my days there as a student. I did the whole tour of the city, visiting all the places I used to frequent with the guys while students there, walked in the rain, and as you can imagine, had a couple of pints of bitter in the pub across UMIST, the Lass O' Gowrie.

Ah yes! So, I'm in the bookstore, browsing the isles, and trying to find any interesting stuff to quench my thirst for reading - the beer part had been taken care of.

I'm pretty lazy I guess, so I either go for books with action and intrigue, or subjects about professional matters. This time, however, my eyes were drawn to a self help book with the catchy tittle "Change your Life in 7 Days" by Paul Mc Kenna. "Just the book I need " I thought , and dashed to the cashier to pay for it.

I wanted a book like that, because as you may have noticed, I'm going through a patch in my life where I don't know what to do next. I'm not satisfied with much of what I'm doing now, and really needed the help - especially if it can be swift and effective!

To date, I've read it three times! It's a nice book, easy and pleasant to read, with good quotes from famous people and some pretty useful exercises to make you more targeted, confident and more relaxed. It also has a CD where the author takes you through a half an hour meditation/relaxation session.

He recommends making the exercises, and listening to the CD a daily routine. It's kinda like training your mind and spirit on being positive and having a good attitude about things. Teaching yourself how to succeed in what you want.

I've decided to take some action on that once again, and have promised myself to follow his instructions, even if that means getting up earlier in the morning, or going to sleep half an hour later. I mean, bugger-all else has worked so far, so there's not much to lose really!

I've also promised myself to go out and at least buy a set of "Teach Yourself Portuguese", as I've been postponing it for quite some time now!

I did some thinking in the past days (and that doesn't include the piss-up day obviously) and have decided that I really want to make things work out with my girl, more than anything else right now. It's shouldn't be a difficult ask if we really love each other, although maybe the practicalities of our relationship seem complicated.

So there you have it! Epi has made two commitments to himself, and is pretty darned determined to make changes in his life!

Night out

Sincere apologies my friends for not posting anything last night. Unforeseen circumstances!

To be more specific, I went out and got absolutely paraletic.

It all started when I came back from the gym. The phone range and it was a good friend who I hadn't seen for ages. He just got back from a few days off work and could not get into the climate of working again.

We decided to go out for a quick beer-with it being a working day, and all-and went to a nearby bar which we frequented as youngsters.

To cut a long story short, we ended up drinking about a keg of beer each, while our dear barman friend was buying us shots of tequila and some watermelon concoction!

Plastered, wasted, pissed (call it what you will) I treckled back home by 4.30am, got a shower and a coffee, and off to work.

I'm in the office now, posting these words while feeling that I'm floating, living through a dream. It pretty surreal! I haven't done this for quite some time, so last night was a shot in the arm!

Back to work

"Tell me why I don't like Mondays. I wanna shoot the hole day down!" the Boomtown Rats, of Bob Geldof fame, used to sing and was it appropriate for me today!!!

Having spent two weeks off work, this morning was a wake up call. Reality doesn't change, it's just our perspective on things!

Reality slapped me in the face this morning in the rudest way possible. It was not the early (5.30am) wake up, it was not the traffic driving to work, none of these usually frustrating things. It was the realisation that it's now almost four years that I have been doing a job I don't enjoy a single bit, for employers that I've grown to dislike for their ineptitude, disorganisation and bigotry! (I am not trying to be an arrogant sod, nor am I claiming to be God's gift to management here).

"Congratulations Epi, you've invented the wheel!" I hear you cry out in unison. "As if it is the only company in the world that works that way".

I am fully aware that it is not- philosophers know such things you know. It is just that I got weak at the knees because all my efforts to leave there and improve my working life, have to-date proved futile.

Patience and perseverance I know- You see! You jumped the gun again -is the name of the game, and believe me I'm making valiant efforts to improve on that. Sometimes, however, I get scared with time and life passing me by! Could I be going about things wrong? Possibly! Am I spending too much time worrying about things? Certainly! Should I be concentrating on my personal life more than my career? Most definitely. (After all, I sacrificed a good career in search of personal happiness). Could I get through to you-know-who in Brazil over the weekend? No! QED!!!

Anyway. I don't want to pass the negative feelings of my return to work, on to you.

I would like instead to share with you some of the photocopies I got scanned the other day that perfectly describe what I've been ranting about. (I don't know if it is possible, but feel free to make copies of them, as I'm sure they apply elswhere, too).

Have a good week!

My top 15 songs

I love my music! I cannot live without music! Almost in everything I do, I have music playing in the background.
My first job when I get in my car-actually second, since I have to put the key in the ignition-is to turn the music on. When I take a shower, the music is on. There's nothing better than a good singalong when taking a shower, though my neighbours I'm sure will disagree.
But there are some songs that have become part of me, closely linked to good and bad memories alike. You will notice that of the songs I'm listing, most have sad, or even depressing lyrics. That's me! Even when I listen to music, I need to think!

1. Blue Monday - New Order
   My all time favourite song, of my all time favourite band!
   "How does it feel to treat me like you do?" - The story of my relationships
2. Shake the Disease - Depeche Mode
   "...you know how hard it is for me to shake the disease
   that takes hold of my tongue in situations like these..." - I asked my first love to go out with me by playing this song on her walkman. I was too scared to ask!
3. Diamonds and Rust - Judas Priest
   Yeah, I know it's a Joan Baez song, but I prefer the Priest version.
   "...yes we both know what memories can bring,
   they bring diamonds and rust..."
4. Touched By The Hand Of God - New Order
   "...and now I'm down here all alone, with every feeling that I own,
   you can't take that away..." - what can I say?
5. Subculture - New Order
   "...what do I get out of this?
   I always try. I always miss..." - Applicable on many periods of my life!
6. Heart - Pet Shop Boys
   "...if I didn't love you, I would look around for someone else,
   but every time I see you, you have the same effect.
   My heart starts missing a beat!" - For my certain someone
7. Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd
   "...when I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse out of the corner of my eye.
   I turned to look, but it was gone. I can not put my finger on it now..." - It always brings tears to my eyes. The solo guitar at the end goes through to my bones!
8. Appetite - Prefab Sprout
   "...I don't want to sell you lies,
   I only mean to do you right..." - That's me!
9. What Difference Does It Make - The Smiths
   "...heavy words are so lightly thrown..." - For all my ex's.
10. Landing in London -3 Doors Down
    "...and all these days I spend away,
    I'll make up for it. I swear!..." - reminds me of my girl! (I always keep my word)
11. Take It Easy - Eagles
    "...don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy..."
12. Missing - Everything But The Girl
    "...and I miss you, like the desserts miss the rain..."
13. P.S. -James
    "...You're falling, you're falling, falling from your god-like distance.
    You're fashion, just fashion, fashion doesn't keep.
    You're sour, so sour, all is hope and trust is misplaced.
    You're sour, now you are alone..." - I was playing this song when I resigned from my previous job
14. Five-O - James
    "...if it lasts forever, hope I'm the first to die..."
    "...are you here for the party, or are you here for the pain?..."
15. Alaskan Pipeline - James
    "...oh, you say life's so unfair,
    ooh, you can ill afford to hold to this views,
    ooh, you need something to blame.
    But it's you! It's your truth!" - Helped me through so many difficult times!

Out of the cave and into the 21st century

Am I thrilled or what?
Yesterday, having nothing better to do with my time, I decided to finally setup my scanner cum copier cum fax machine. I say finally, because I got it for free when I bought my PC about two and a half years ago!
The first task was actually finding the blasted thing! Not an easy task I might add. It involved the use of ladders, shifting boxes, cleaning up wardrobes, etc. You get the picture.
The setup itself was pretty straight forward, as it usually is with such equipment these days. The exception was looking for the USB cable. It took me ten minutes, and a variety of Greek words, to find the original packaging of the PC and digging it out.
Ten minutes for the software to install and we were cooking! All that sweat-it is still quite hot over here-rearranging of boxes, cleaning and tidying up wardrobes, had paid off! I then went through some photocopies of fun stuff that I've been keeping in a folder, and scanned them through to my PC. If you behave yourselves, I'll share them with you in due course.
I also scanned some drawings I had made all those years ago, while I was bored senseless, in an empty house, when I first started working in Nigeria! Those, are not really worth sharing with you because they are pathetic!
It is only the one below that is perhaps worth showing. I drew it looking at the image on a promotional packet of Camels (there's one good thing smoking did for me). Feast your eyes world:



PS. For all my American friends out there, Happy Independence Day!

Words

As I was leaving home to go to school, my mom would always tell me: "Have a good day, and remember to be careful of traffic, women and drugs".
Wise words, that have followed me through my life! So long, I've only had a single encounter with drugs, and never had an accident in the streets (though I've come close to, twice). It is just the part of women that I haven't mastered yet, and never believe I will! What can I say. It is not as if I'm the only man on the planet who has not mastered the art of reading a woman's mind.
But I digress! The issue for writing this post is to share with you the words of a not so famous Greek expat in West Africa. Words that I return to on difficult times.

The gentleman has called a subordinate to his office to give him a piece of his mind for something that was done contrary to his instructions.

The subordinate is trying all sort of excuses to cover up for his mistake in a vain attempt to pull the proverbial wool over the manager's eyes.
Frustrated for not being able to find the cause of the breakdown in communication, at the end of his tether with listening to stupid excuses the manager lashes out:

"You think I know fuck nothing? I know fuck all!"

True words of wisdom! Words that are etched to my mind forever....