Analysing it

Where's Epi?

2007-09-17T20:58:00.000+02:00

It's been a fortnight since I last posted a single word, or since I last visited my friends' blogs.

In total embarrassment, I apologise for disappearing off the face of the earth as it were, but it really has been - and still is - pretty hectic.

If I were to sum up the goings on in my life in these days, it would be as follows:

WORK

Yes, that's where I've been! Working like it's going out of fashion!

Clocking an average of twelve hours a day, including - albeit reluctantly - participating in the relief for the victims of the recent wildfires.

That's pretty much it!

I've been spending most of my limited free time catching up on some Z's and trying to keep my house in a livable state.

Highlights of the past two weeks have been taking my car in for a service (and changing break ads) and voting on the general election! That's pretty pathetic for life content in any one's book. Right?

Unfortunately, I'm still not in a position to guarantee frequent posts, but I promise to put in a more concerted effort.

I miss you guys!

Talk to you soon!!!

Nature lovers

2007-09-02T19:39:00.000+02:00

You may recall, from reading this blog, that about a month ago there was a fire that reduced 20% of the forest around Athens to to ashes.

It seems that this country is "blessed" with numerous "nature loving" individuals, who want to be as close to the forest as they possibly can, perhaps in an attempt to stop such an occurrence from happening again.

To significant personal expense, they have rushed to be the first to show their love for nature, and the way for future generations.

I am disgusted being a law abiding, tax paying citizen in a country with people of such mentality!

We are a third world country with no hope of development!

The Phoenix has no hope of resurrecting. It's ashes have been covered with concrete!

Disgusting concrete structure in the midst of the burnt trees

Disgusting concrete structure #2 in the midst of the burnt trees

A third concrete monster bearing it's ugly head

And a fourth one!

Nice...Naughty but Nice

2007-09-02T19:14:00.000+02:00

Michelle has awarded me with the Nice Blogger Award award for, in her words, being "nice...naughty but nice".

Experience has shown me that being called a nice guy is not always a good thing!

For xample: "You're a nice guy but I'd rather we stay good friends"....you know what I mean. ;)

Anyway, a great thanks to Michelle - I'm proud she called me naughty, too! - and to all of you out there.

The facts, the figures and the usual suspects

2007-08-28T21:02:00.000+02:00

Although some of the wildfires are still raging in some places in Greece, things have - with the grace of God - improved significantly over the past twenty four hours.

It is now that the size of the destruction - devastation, would be the most operative word - is becoming evident.

A few numbers to give you an idea of what has happened here:

68 dead people.

3,000 homeless families.

1,900,000 acres of woodland reduced to ashes.

Tens of thousands of dead animals.

150 villages wiped out of the map.

Financial cost approximately 2% of the GNP.

This is the worst disaster to hit this country since WW II!

What has become clearly evident, however, is the gross inefficiency of government and local authorities. We are talking about people who cannot organise themselves to go to the bathroom!

It has been the heroics of poorly trained, ill equipped fire fighters, who quite literally threw themselves in the flames along with common folk who were fighting against the odds to save their livelihood.

The sacred site of Olympia was just about spared, although the historic hills surrounding the site were badly burnt. It is embarrassing to know that no harm came to that beautiful site our ancestors selected to hold the Olympic games and feed the Olympic ideals, was burnt during our generation.

It will take decades for nature to recover, which raises the question of what will these people do during that time? Their livelihood has been destroyed! People who were working the land, growing olive trees, vines, goats and sheep are left with nothing! Even if their houses were spared during the raging inferno, everything else around them has been reduced to cinders!

In the midst of this - keeping in mind that there's a general election on September the 16th - political parties are making a circus of this calamity by trying to achieve political gains out of the situation, arguing over the ashes, over the pain of the people caught in this disaster.

Enough is enough! It is these blithering idiots who are the main reason for the utter chaos and disorganisation in the government, in the authorities.

We all know who they are! They are the blood sucking leeches, who will do and say anything to gain a government post, not to do an ounce of good to this country, but instead fill their pockets and those of their lackeys.

Don't they know that you only need one coin for the ferry man to take you across the river Styx?

Under Attack

2007-08-26T17:00:00.000+02:00

Having disappeared for a few days, inundated with the demands at the work front, I return bearing apologies for my disappearance along with bad news.

For the past three days, Greece and in particular the Peloponese and Evia have been on fire! They even started a couple of fires at the remaining parts of green surrounding Athens, which were thankfully put out. Saturday morning, the skies over the capital were covered by thick smoke, and it was literally raining ashes!

With an approximate 200 odd wild fires over the past days, the situation is pretty desperate, and the whole country has been set in a state of emergency and assistance has been requested from our international friends. Greece is under attack!

The weather is on the arsonists side, since this time of the year the prevailing north-eastern winds keep the fires burning, while they consume tree after tree, village after village, leaving behind them chaos and disaster.

The authorities were once again caught with their pants down, unprepared and in a state of utter panic and disorganisation. Watching pictures of people fighting the fires with branches, buckets of water and garden hoses, trying in vain to save their livelihood from the ten meter high flames, just shows the desperation of the situation.

We are already mourning the deaths of 53 people, who were unable to flee their houses and were caught in the midst of the raging inferno. The charred remains of a woman were found in a car, along with her three children!

Fears that that there is some kind of sinister plan to destroy this country are enhanced by the simultaneous appearance of new fronts during the evenings - when the fire fighting aircraft can not operate - and the recovery of sophisticated incendiary devices. There's even a video of a couple of guys starting a fire at the forests near Athens!

At the time of writing these lines, the raging fire is steadily approaching the sacred ancient site of Olympia - the cradle of the Olympic Games - and it is yet unclear whether the museum has been consumed by the flames or not!

Over the past three days people have lost their houses, all their possessions, while beautiful forests have been reduced to ashes. The only hope is the spirit of these people!

As a country we have been through several disasters over the centuries and still have managed to recover and come back strong.

Let's just hope that the Phoenix will soon resurrect from its ashes and fly high in full pride!

Born on the 13th of February

2007-08-21T21:10:00.000+02:00

My dear friend Steph has tagged me for this meme. A meme about what other important events (appart from the birth of yours trully) happened on February 13th through history. Let's have a look see shall we?
Instructions: Go type in your birthday in Wikipedia (month and day). Write down three events, 2 births, 1 holiday and tag 5 friends.

Events

1633 - Galileo Galilei arrives in Rome for his trial before the Inquisition.
1894 - Auguste and Luis Lumiere patent the Cinematographe, a combination movie camera and projector.
2004 - The Harvard-Smithsonian Center of Astrophysics discovers the universe's largest diamond, white dwarf star BPM 37093!

Births

1950 - Peter Gabriel, British musician (Genesis)
2974 - Robbie Williams, English singer.

Holiday

None, but it's St. Beatrix day!

Tagees, please slot yourself right on the last slot and bump everyone up. And the list: Are We There Yet?, Gran’s Memory Keeping Corner, Teacher Julie, Mommyness is Happiness, This is a miracle, Blur Ting, Remedial Rumination, Epimenides

And now, brace yourselves for my "13 of 3's", the second instalment of the meme:

Three things that scare me

Roller coasters.
Women with PMS!
Isolation

Three people who make me laugh

Rowan Atkinson
Billy Connolly
My girl, when she says "I'll do you in the street" (which means: "I'll take you out tonight" you dirty minded so-and-so's)

Three things I love

My family and my girl.
Manchester United.
Laying on a quiet beach under the sun, listening to the sound of the waves.

Three things I hate

Pretentious people
Dishonesty
Seeing children starving and suffering

Three things I don't understand

What was there before the big bang
Thousands of foreign languages and dialects
Why this particular question is limited to only three things

Three things on my desk

My PC monitor
A cup of coffee
My feet when blogging at home

Three things I'm doing right now

Boring you to tears
Sweating! (A third heat wave this summer!!!)
...and blogging, I suppose.

Three things I want to do before I die

Have a happy family of my own
Travel the world
Retire a filthy rich person next year!

Three things I can do

Liven up a dull party
Put a foot in my mouth
Cook and iron pleats!

Three things I can't do

Retire a filthy rich person next year!
Speak Portuguese....but I'm working on it!
Stop boring you to tears, I guess.

Three things I think you should listen to

A pregnant woman's belly
The sound of the sea
Your gut feeling

Three things you should never listen to

Yourself criticising you
My elephant jokes
Politicians

Three shows I watched as a kid

Stingray
Dallas (and later on, Debbie doing it)
Bonanza

Please feel free to participate as I will cheat again and not actually tag specific people for this meme!

Just planning ahead

2007-08-20T20:41:00.000+02:00

I've been tagged by Wolfgang for this meme about what I do with $1,000,000.00!

Hmmm! Interesting proposition!

I can't say that I'm totally prepared for this, but I have to admit that I've asked myself this question on several occasions.

Here goes then:

Make a fund to ensure my folks have enough to take them through old age without needing anything.
Buy a second house, and rent my current one out.
Buy me a beach house in Salvador de Bahia in Brazil. A luxurious love nest for my girl and I.
Buy some sun tan lotion, swimming trunks, hawaianas and a beach towel. I somehow don't think I'll need to work a lot after getting my $1,000,000.00!!!
Invest a large chunk through a trusty stockbroker, in a guaranteed capital, high return investment. (This is a fictional scenario anyway,is it not?)

Visit all my blogging pals around the world, introduce them to me and you know who, and at least buy you guys dinner in the restaurant of your choice.
Three weeks after giving no sign of life, I'd walk into the office to return my keys, and wish them all a good life!
Find some kind of a job/work to at least keep the blood flowing to my brain.

My tagees are the following:

Instructions :

**Start Copy**Proposition: If you Have $1,000,000.00…………………………

Requirements: continue above sentences

Tag Mode: 5 bloggers

Link: Add your anchor and post link below.

What They Do With Their $1 Million1.

1.SYH will spend for Family

2. Miche will give to the needy

3. Montessorimum will keepsake

4. Lovely Mummy will spend & save

5. MummyInVain will fully utilise

6. Babyfiona will buy house and open business

7. MonkeyWong will go for a long vacation

8. Emila Yusof will realise her dream

9. Mariuca will open a Perfume Gallery

10.Janice Ng will upgrade house and go for long vacation

11.Hin will blog to donate for charity

12.Bobo will invest in property and let her parents go on a holiday.

13. Adrian will spend it all!

14. Brad will spend all of his money on foolish gadgets

15.Danielle will buy a cottage in the woods and never look back

16. Brown Baron will hold a $17,500 blog contest.

17. Bobby will be on a World vacation forever.

18. Arsenal Marketing will Tithe 10%, use 10K for advertising, Invest the rest

19. Barrett will do ALOT of Traveling

20. Mommibee will Give, Pay Loan and Education Fund

21. Sean will go for family

22. Seiche would Fix you but good

23. HollyGL will invest, invest, invest in herself and others

24. Epimenides will invest, build a lovenest and live on the beach.

Simpsonized

2007-08-16T21:25:00.000+02:00

I was wondering what a cartoon character of me would look like, and decided to have some fun by uploading a picture of mine for the "simpson's" treatment, at http://www.simpsonizeme.com/

I proudly display the results of this fun experiment. I actually think it's pretty cool!

I decided to take it a step further and add the picture of my girl! I suspect you were wondering what she looks like.

A match made in heaven! Don't you think?

Doing Nothing

2007-08-15T17:20:00.000+02:00

I thoroughly enjoyed today, and it isn't over yet!

As I mentioned in my previous post, today is a public holiday in Greece. It is Holly Mary's Assumption day (thanks rebecca for the terminology) and every thing in Greece is closed.

I woke up late - at least by the standards of the past couple of weeks - at around 8.30, had some breakfast and listened to some music while taking a long hot shower.

Stood in front of the mirror and looked at my reflection for some time and noticing my "love handles" have significantly reduced. Even in my grossly overweight days, I never did have a pot belly. For some strange reason, I've always expanded laterally. I was what you would call two-and-a-half-dimension fat!

The black circles around my eyes have reduced, too, since, I started applying a soothing lotion, and though unshaven for a day, the stubble on my face had some "designer" quality to it.

I felt comfortable enough with my appearance to be in the public view!

We spent the day at my Uncle and Aunt's place in the north suburbs of deserted Athens. We had a barbecue lunch and a good laugh. I hadn't seen them for weeks, and even then it was in a hurry!

Returning home, I decided to make yet another significant donation to the mobile phone company, and rung up my girl in Rio. I've been trying to get through for the past couple of days, but it was all in vain. Today was different! Though I didn't succeed in waking her up - I believe I've mentioned how much I like her sexy, freshly awoken voice - it was a sexy discussion nevertheless! My non existent Portuguese flowed effortlessly from my mouth, and she made sense of it! I do improvise well, I suppose.

She will be visiting soon for what she describes as a "lua de mel" (moonlight of honey = honeymoon) vacation, and I'll reciprocate with a "lua de mel" visit to Brazil soon after. A hell of a lot of "mel" coming my way, and, boy-oh-boy do I have a sweet tooth!!!

My next task in this do-as-little-as-possible day, will be to listen to the football match on the internet and hope that ManU don't fail to score again today!

Tomorrow is back to the old daily routine! Doesn't time fly when you're having fun?

Back to "Normal"

2007-08-14T21:41:00.000+02:00

Just a brief post to thank you all for your kind words of support and encouragement for this philosopher who was feeling a bit overawed by life last night! I truly thank you all!

As of the time of opening my eyes this morning I've been in a great mood! Perhaps it was just a phase of the moon the affected me - I do fit in the category of those affected by the lunar cycle. The lunatics! - or perhaps it was the fact that today I have the day off! Not just me. It's the whole of Greece. It's the commemoration of the death of Holly Mary, and it's a public holiday!

It is also my mom's name day - a celebration on the day of the saint somebody is named after - and, typical me, I will present her with just a hug and a kiss! I once again forgot!

Work today was actually pretty good. The typical daily shambles, but I just seemed to be in a cloud of my own the whole time.

On my way back home, I had a close encounter with a hearse - I keep drawing them to me it seems - in somewhat of a hurry! I mean, I was doing sixty and was barely keeping up! Count Dracula must have been thirsty for some young virgin's blood. He must be new in town, because there's hardly any young women of that variety left. The only virgins in Athens are the Caryatids at the Erechthion at the Acropolis, and even those are plaster cast fakes!

I got home safe and rewarded myself with some Haagen Das, Belgian chocolate ice cream!

I have the opportunity to sleep in tomorrow and that is worth a calorie abundant celebration!

Tired

2007-08-13T20:25:00.000+02:00

A doodle prepared between several phone calls

Driving to work each morning I pass through a junction with a little memorial in the shape of a Greek Orthodox church on one of the corners. It was placed there by the family and friends of a poor 25year old who was killed -run over by a truck - on that particular spot.

It always makes me think of the cliche "Live each day of your life as if it were your last one".

Have I done that today? Have I in fact done so in the past weeks and months? The answer is "No"!

I even wonder sometimes whether I actually have a life!

Going through the daily routine of getting up at 5.00am and being at the office until 8.00pm or 9.00pm hardly constitutes having a life. (Keep in mind that it's a job that I do not like, for a company I like even less)!

Returning home exhausted with enough energy to only prepare a bowl of corn flakes for dinner, trying to steal some minutes to write a post so that I don't alienate myself from new friends - I have not seen your childhood friends for almost a year now! - perhaps make a phone call to my girlfriend half way across the globe, getting a shower and five hours sleep before I hit this vicious circle again, hardly constitutes having a life!

I ask the Big Guy upstairs to cut me some slack, knowing deep inside that I should be grateful for my health, my family, my friends.

Yet, I still know that there is more to life than this!

There must be a better job out there for me! There must be some way of making a family with my girl! There must be some way of filling up my life!

All I am asking for, BIG GUY, is Cut Me Some Slack Already!!!

Strange Dream

2007-08-12T18:00:00.000+02:00

Standing in front of a hospital bed, looking at my father laying there, fresh out of the operating theater, my mother sitting next to him, holding his hand, with a worried look on her face.
I woke up in a cold sweat and spoke aloud: "Please God not my Dad"! It was October '99 and I was in Ghana.
A week later my sister informed me that dad had and appendectomy on the day I saw that dream!
I didn't think about it until December the same year, when my dad was admitted to the hospital for a second time, for another operation since it seemed that the cancer was not completely cleared the first time.
It was the afternoon after the operation, while standing over my dad's bed, that it struck me. I had lived that moment before!
I looked around the room, and everything was so familiar. The layout, the postures of all present, even the name of the old gentleman recovering in the next bed!
I didn't speak about it with anyone for months to come, fearing derision or strange looks at the very least!
I've had some deja vu kind of experiences before, but nothing as strong or freaking out as this!

True Love

2007-08-11T10:02:00.000+02:00

Whenever I mention my support for Manchester United, people think that I support them because of their on and of the field success in the past decade. Nothing could be further from the truth!

My dedicated love relation with this historic club started when I was six or seven years old growing up in Ghana.

My dad's Greek team was going through a spell of continuously getting beat by their strongest rivals. Supporting them brought a lot of stick from kids at school so things had to change. I looked outside the borders for a team worthy of my support, but I didn't like the outfits of the teams in the English First Division.

It was then that I asked a friend of mine, who was at the time going to boarding school in the UK, who the champions of the Second Division were.

"Manchester United" he said, and it took me a couple of months reading it of a piece of paper to memorise it and be able to recite it myself.

Three years later, I watched them live on television beat their bitter rivals Liverpool in the FA Cup final. It was the the concrete set on the foundation of my love for this club.

I wrote a letter to them, asking how I can get some memorabilia and a book of their history and, lo and behold, two weeks later I got a letter back from them. I was ecstatic, that a club of their stature would actually reply to a letter of a nine year old kid!

I smashed my clay piggy bank to smithereens - my dad offered his kind donation - and I ordered all the memorabilia I wanted, including the book.

I learned about the championships, the Cups, the Medals, the honours, the records and, above all, their strength and resolve in the face of disaster when more that half of the team died in the Munich air disaster of '57.

I was a ManU fan through and through!

I listened to the broadcast of their matches on BBC world, watched them on TV, and went to Old Trafford to watch them almost every home game during my studies in Manchester, becoming a club member back in 1987.

Looking back, it's been a love affair that has taken me from the highest depths of despair and sadness to the greatest heights of elation, thrill and excitement.

A love affair that will only end the day I close my eyes!

Here goes another one

2007-08-09T20:20:00.000+02:00

...flying over the cookoo's nest!

This seems to be the best description of office life these past couple of weeks.

Thankfully, I'm not the only one in there desperately trying to keep up with what seems to be a long lost plot!

It has now become painfully obvious that our ERP and WPS systems are not best of friends, they hardly ever communicate with each other, except for human intervention. We have therefore changed our job titles to "Human Interfaces", constantly transferring data from one to the other.

Meanwhile, we try to put some discipline into the two spoilt kindergarten brats, only to be thrown back by some new surprising behaviour by each of them. The use of pen and paper has become mandatory, to such an extent that we seem to go through a dozen of trees' worth of paper a day!

Deep inside, all of us are aware that we are completely and utterly screwed for the next few months! It'll take a lot of time for the two brats to reconcile their differences and become the friends we all hope and pray they become. Time that we don't have since the Earth revolves around itself every twenty for hours!

To make things more interesting, the majority of the people are taking their annual leave around this time, leaving behind a couple of heroic fighters trying desperately to joggle a few hundred of daily tasks between them.

What is surprising though, is that this state of affairs has brought up the best of the previously untapped humour hidden in each and every one of us!

No action occurs without somebody making a funny remark about it! Especially when there some kind of a cock up involved. And believe you me, there's a heck of a lot of cock ups these days!

The hours we spend at the office, carrying out our "interface" duties are building up to such an extent, that today we even ordered out for a pizza for dinner. Other co-workers go out for drinks or food. We bring it to the office!

With September being the busiest moth in the year for our company, and the proverbial light-in-the-tunnel of our current software mess being months away, we have all resigned to the idea that the trend of pizza dinners at the office is going to become a status quo.

Anyone care for a slice?

Please don't laugh

2007-08-07T19:06:00.000+02:00

I've been contemplating writing a post of this sort, revealing the actual philosopher behind the ancient facade, for quite some time now. Stealing jyankee's recent post was the perfect idea! I've done it once more before and got away with it, so why not push my luck a bit further.

So, my dear friends from the blogoshere, sit back comfortably, brace yourselves because it's time for revelations!

This is a picture of yours-truly from a couple of years back - notice how I unceremoniously removed my sister from the photo - in the wonderful Greek island of Sifnos. (You'd want to visit there sometime 'cause the food is fantastic!)

Hoping that you have recovered from the shock (especially the ladies), I shall proceed without further ado to providing you some more information on Epi.

Blog Title: Analysing It (as a response to the movie "Analyse This")

Blogging Since: May '07.

Description: A mix of everything. An attempt to put thought to paper (so-to-speak), while attempting to provide some humour for the benefit of my sanity and the pleasure of any visitors here.

Why "Epimenides"?: Why Engelbert Humberdink?
Name: Emil. A bit easier to pronounce, isn't it?

Birthday: 13th February 1967! (Almost made it to Valentine's day)

Country: Greece

Occupation: Logistics for a world known furniture retailer from Sweden.

Favourite Colour: Sky blue.

Favourite Drink: Caipirinha! Sweet, refreshing and with a sting in the tail. (Not to mention it's country of origin).

Favourite Fruit: No contest here! It's got to be the Mango.

Hobbies: Blogging, gym, music (listening not playing), PS2 and electronic gadgets. I would mention Manchester United, but they fall under the category of religion.

For the baton pass, I am going to do as jyankee did on hers and tag everybody, too!

And the brave ones who already have thrown aside the velvet curtain...

Gayla at Mom Gadget, Char at Essential Keystrokes, Paul at Reflections, Rob at 2Dolphins, Zep at The In-Sect, Ingo at Stixster, Stevie at Lost In Cyberspace, The Paper Bull at (oddly enough) The Paper Bull, Lisa Sabin-Wilson at Just A Girl In The World, Dawud Miracle at dmiracle.com, Wendy Piersall at eMoms at Home, Dennis Bjorn Petersen at The Beta News, Randa Clay at Randa Clay Design, Drew McLellan at The Marketing Minute, Becky McCray at Small Biz Survival, Phil Gerbyshak at Make it Great!, Steve Woodruff at StickyFigure, Dave Olson at Live the GREAT life that you desire, Greg at Become a Remote Control SEO, Ariane Benefit at Neat Living Blog, Genesis at the At Home Mom, Blog Armen at iFFECT.NET, Mihaela Lica at Online Public Relations ,Tara at Graphic Design Blog, Doris Chua at Home Office Women, Edward Mills at Evolving Times, Tony D. Clark at Success from the Nest, Jonathan-C Phillips at SmartWealthyRich, Karen at A Deaf Mom Shares Her World, Lisa Gates at intrinsic life design, Rammel Firdaus at rammelfirdaus.com, Carol at Pentimento, Adam Kayce at Monk at Work, Thomas at Technical Blogger, Tammy Lenski at I Can?t Say That!, Chris Brown at Branding & Marketing, Rory Sullivan at Hamelife, Derek Wong at Going The Wong Way, Embuck at embuck.com, Ms. Q at QMusings, Shelly Tucker at This Eclectic Life, Steve at Ramblings from the Marginalized, Troy Worman at on!blog, Lilith at Lilith’s Owl Nest, Revov at REVO-OVER, Karin at Stop/Start, Jamy at Seay's, Kopitam this is a miracle, Anything Goes!, My Life Starts at Forty-Two, Seiche, Wolfgang at Gazing Into the Abyss, Pen at The Pen is Mightier Than the Sword, Josie at Picking Up Pieces, ME, New Beginnings, Analysing it

Friday poetry

2007-08-03T20:57:00.000+02:00

I drive as fast as the wind blows,
to office every day.
The cops have missed me every time,
I haven’t had to pay.

Sit on my desk, coffee in hand,
Greet everyone around.
I crack a joke, or maybe two,
The girls think I’m a clown.

Before too long it’s clear to see,
There’s lots of shit to do.
Roll up those sleeves and get to work,
Without further ado.

Between the phone calls and the tasks,
It’s time to have a snack,
Another coffee, maybe a scone,
Cutting the staff some slack.

Phone calls, more tasks and then some more,
Back to the crazy run,
Peak at the clock and realise,
Crap! It is only one!

The time flies by and people leave,
They are all heading home,
I’m still around, and will be more,
They’ve left me all alone.

It’s closing nine, more crap appears,
From almost everywhere,
It’s Friday night, I’m going home,
I really do not care!

Are you bored?

2007-08-02T21:04:00.000+02:00

A rip-off of a rip-off, this meme, but I have to thank jyankee for allowing me to use it!

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Emil - pleased to meet you, too - after my grandfather (Dad's dad) and it's not even a Greek name!
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Cried of sadness around February - March this year, but I laugh myself to tears when I listen to pep talks at the office!
DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Are you kidding me? A pencil holding baboon would make a handriten text more presentable! My excuse: Einstein's handwriting wasn't that good either!
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Roast turkey, or honey roated ham! Hmmmmmm....water to my mouth.
DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Shoot! I hope not! Has anyone claimed otherwise?
IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Oh Yessss! Especially during this period!With all this crap at work, there's always something to make fun of.
DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Who me? Never! Never ever!
DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
In fact I do! It's other parts of my anatomy that people are concentrating on busting these days.
WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I fell from 20 inches high and broke both legs. You thow me off a high place, with a rubber band around my ankles and seriously expect me to bounce up again in one piece?
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Kellogg's Special K, with chocolate milk!
DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Of course I do! I'm a neat kinda guy!
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Not so much physically, as mentally. I have the strength to keep a smiling face on when things are going south!
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Anything with chocolate!
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Men: Smile and attire.
Women: same as men with the addition of...the...hmmm...chest! :)
RED OR PINK?
Blue, for my clothes - conservative so-and-so as my sister would have you believe - and a subttle red for her fingernails. Though I like "French" (I do believe it's what they call the clear with white tips style)....but that's me digressing again.
WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
My job!
WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Go on! Have a wid guess!
YOU WANT EVERYONE TO BLOG THIS?
No! Sorry but this is a pretty lame question, isn't it?
WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Blue jeans and boat shoes.
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Corn flakes with chocolate milk. I got home by 9.30pm and couldn't be arsed to prepare anything more complicated!
WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The Division Bell by Pink Floyd.
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Blue, like the clear skies! Have i mentioned that I LOVE flying?
FAVORITE SMELLS?
Freshly baked bread, freshly grown coffee.....and perhaps you have guessed by now, chocolate!!!
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My mom asking her for the recipe for the corn flakes!
DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
She didn't send me this, but I do love my friend from the land of the rising sun! Thanks girl!!
FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Football, as in the Manchester United variety!
HAIR COLOR?
Black, with a bit of grey on the sides! Sexy or what?
EYE COLOR?
Green. (Blood shot red with black circles these days)
DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Yes!
FAVORITE FOOD?
Anything chicken! Favourite cuisine: chinese! (Just thought I'd throw that in and wait for the invitations to dinner)
SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings. A romantic aquarian, aren't I?
LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Debbie does Dallas! (without subtitles) Can't remember actually. It's been a while since I watched something good.
WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
White T-shirt.
SUMMER OR WINTER?
Neither! I'm a spring and fall kinda romantic person.
HUGS OR KISSES?
Definately both! (Any offers?)
FAVORITE DESSERT?
Tiramisu, or cheesecake! (No more food questions please. You know what I had for dinner tonight!)
MOST LIKELY TO POST THIS ON THEIR BLOG?
Not a clue!
LEAST LIKELY TO BLOG THIS?
Dito.
WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Change your life in Seven Days. It's an on-off thing, the way work has developed this past fortnight.
WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
A box with computer parts. I don't use a mouse pad.
WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
Ten minutes on CNN and passed out on the sofa.
FAVORITE SOUND?
My girl's giggling!
ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
New Order or Pet Shop Boys!
WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
From Florida and Brazil to the west, to Thailand and Taiwan in the east, and from The UK and Germany in the north to Nigeria and Ghana in the south.
DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
You've read my blog, you've seen my drawings, so we can all agree on "None Whatsoever"!
WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Mitera (Mother - in Greek) maternity hospital, Athens, Greece. 13 Feb 1967
WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Everyone's!
WHAT TIME IS IT NOW?
23.11pm and I have a 4.30am wake up!

I bid you all a goodnight or goodmorning, and I'm off to bed.

Insurance Claims

2007-08-01T21:34:00.000+02:00

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where drivers attempted to summarise the details of an accident in the fewest possible words.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble, when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I run over him.

Quote of the day!

2007-08-01T21:29:00.000+02:00

Jesus died,

Einstein died,

and I'm not feeling too good either.

The phonecall

2007-07-30T22:13:00.000+02:00

I got through to Brazil on the phone last night. It has taken me a couple of days - including falling asleep with the phone in my hand - but I did it.
She was at home, taking a nap. I have this "fetish" about hearing her voice when she's just woken up, which I might add, she doesn't always appreciate!
All the sexy thoughts flew out of the window though, when she said that she was recovering from the car accident!
"What car accident???"
"Don't worry! It was nothing! I'm fine but a bit sore."
"What? When? How?"
"Don't worry! I'll write you an email"
My absent Portuguese and her poor English made it impossible to discuss the issue into further detail. I desperately need that teach-yourself book quick, along with a respite of the long work hours at the office.
On the plus side of things, it looks that she will be visiting here soon and I can't wait to see her again.
I feel like a silly teenager with a crush!
Perhaps it's true that "you are only as old as the woman you feel!" ;)

I could do with this right now

2007-07-29T17:32:00.000+02:00

Ten or so years ago, while working in Africa, my friend M. and I decided to spend our leave in Myconos, the Ibiza kinda destination in the Agean. We were looking for a 24-hours-a-day party, and this Cycladic island is the full package.

We rented a scooter - I was the passenger, since vehicles with less than four wheels scare the living daylights out of me - and found a nice bungalow at Super Paradise on the rocks overlooking the beach at a very good rate.

We took a swim the following morning, and noticed a series of boats bringing in people to the beach. By 12.30 it was jam packed! There were people of all ages, bearing bathing suits or not! In fact, at some point I warned J.J not to even think about yawning, because God knows what could end up in his mouth!
Rave music was pumping from the humongous loudspeakes of the beach bar, inviting everybody for a drink and a dance! We gladly accepted the invitation, ending up being totally plasterred within a couple of hours. Super Paradise indeed!!!
By the time the sun started its decent into the horizon - a beautiful sight regardless of the alcohol intake - we were paraletic, but still in need for more! Took a sobering cold shower, dressed up for the evening (ie. jeans and T-shirts) and made our way to the main town in Myconos. Singing and laughing on the scooter during the thirty minure trip, we were laughed upon by overtaking large motorbikes, but we couldn't care less. We were where we wanted to be, doing what we wanted to do!
We found ourselves going in circles in the narrow streets of the main town, looking at the white houses, trying to get our bearings, yet constantly being distracted by loosely clad members of the opposite sex proudly displaying their tans among other things. It was going to be a long night!
We found a spot for some coffee and sat there, staring at the people walking by! It was 8.00pm! It was early even for dinner!
An hour or so of coffee drinking, and "sightseeing" later, we were off to grab a bite to eat, and some more alcohol to quench our thirst. We paid through the nose for a seafood dinner, in a nice restaurant, and went next door to a piano bar for a drink. We got hit upon a couple of times, and realised it was a gay bar. What the heck! The music was good and the coctails even better!
Come midnight it was time for hardcore partying. Lots of options available, but we first went to the Scandinavian bar. Cool beer, a very friendly barman and lots of people dancing and drinking.
We kept interrupting our beer drinking, having shot of Quantreau-Drambuie-Grand Marnier. Lethal stuff! Sweet taste in the mouth closely followed by what seems like a nuclear explosion in the stomach!
Two girls speaking English stood next to us at the bar, so I decided to get social. We bought them drinks, they bought us drinks, we danced, we talked. They had come from South Africa and were on the island for a week. As a group, ended up going from bar to bar until the sun started appearing in the horizon.
It was time for breakfast! We got some sandwiches, and sat on the beach, eating and watching the local people going about their daily routine. We were invited to the girls' bungalow to sleep -among other things - for a couple of hours, went home to change and hit the beach.
Seven days of this relentless schedule later, we were on the boat, making our way back to Athens, completely shattered, sunburnt, hung over, broke but extatic non the less.
We promissed ourselves a repeat performance the following year, and the year after....
We ended up going there four years in a row! It became a ritual to us, regardless of any other destinations we would visit each summer.

The long Choo-Choo ride

2007-07-29T16:43:00.000+02:00

My dear friend hollygl invited me on train ride with some fellow bloggers. Epi never refuses an invitation from a lady, so here I am ticket in hand, getting on the choo-choo!
It took me some time to join as I was busy at my office disaster zone, but better late than never, I suppose!
I've invited some more passengers to join us in this trip.

***Start Copying Here***Here are the rules:
1. Write a short introduction paragraph about what how you found the list and include a link to the blog that referred you to the list.
2. COPY the Rules and ENTIRE List below and post it to your blog. To avoid duplicate content and increase the amount of keywords your site can accessible for, go ahead and change the titles of the blog. Just don’t change the links of the blog.
3. Take “My New Faves” and move them into the “The Original Faves” list.
4. Add at least 3 Blogs that you’ve just added to your Technorati Favorites to the “My New Faves” section. Remember to also add the “Fave Me” link next to your new blogs (i.e. http://technorati.com/faves?add=http://www.yourdomain.com)
5. Add Everyone on this list to your Technorati Favorites List by clicking on “Fave the Site.” (Please FAVE EVERYONE on the List prior to posting the list or a Kitten will Die Alone in a Dark Alley Tonight). Those who want good karma will fave you back. If not, you will for sure get the benefits of faves from the bloggers who continue this list after you.

My New Faves:

Foulbastard - Fave the Site
Rebecca - Fave the Site
Michelle - Fave the Site

Original Faves:
Gazing Into The Abyss - Fave the Site
Goldy World - Fave the Site
Analysing It - Fave the Site
Holly GL - Fave the Site
Meleah Rebeccah - Fave the Site
Blur ting - Fave the Site
The Domestic Minx - Fave the Site
Gary Lee - Fave the Site
Amber - Fave the Site
Mariuca - Fave the Site
JeanChia - Fave the Site
Janice - Fave the Site
Bobby Revell - Fave the Site
Wonder Woman - Fave the Site
Steve Olson – Fave the Site
BlogoSquare – Fave the Site
Dosh Dosh - Fave the Site
Nate Whitehill - Fave the Site
Ms. Danielle - Fave the Site
Jeff Kee - Fave the Site
Scribble on the Wall - Fave the Site
Jimi Morrisons Head - Fave the Site
Jon Lee - Fave the Site
SiteLogic - Fave the Site
Julies Journal - Fave the Site
Tea & Slippers - Fave the Site
Pencil Thin - Fave the Site
Garry Conn - Fave the Site
Stephen Fung - Fave the Site
eWritings - Fave the Site
Mommy’s Getaway - Fave the Site
GR8 Egypt - Fave the Site
Divya Uttam - Fave the Site
Sean Dinner - Fave the Site
O Salepito - Fave the Site
Kyle Beabo - Fave the Site
Six Degrees of Inspiration - Fave the Site
Randa Clay Design - Fave the Site
Failure is the key to success - Fave the Site
Tech Bold - Fave the Site
*** - Train Engineer** - Last Wagon***End Copying Here***

That was the week that was

2007-07-28T19:33:00.000+02:00

Fourteen days without break, and I have the Sunday off! Fourteen really long and eventful days, that, come Monday are sure to be followed by more of the same.
I am tired, angry and frustrated that somebody is using my staff and I as beta testers and Guinea pigs for a stupid, pointless project while ruining three years' worth of hard work of organising a department to virtually run itself.
The "brain" - and I use the term loosely - behind the project, even had the audacity to complain about my staff's performance and adaptability to me. I didn't dignify him with a response - which would probably have been the Greek equivalent of a torrent of four letter words - and instead opted to give a piece of my mind to my boss the following day. As they say about people of my size: "Good things come in small packages, but so do potent poisons"!
You do not destroy something functional because you cannot carry out basic project planning and because you want somebody else to do all the hard work for you, and then turn around and insult them! It just isn't on!
I have good relations with all of my staff, and I'm actually proud of their work, development and effort! No, incompetent ass, no matter how far up the "food chain" will be allowed to speak a bad word for them, and expect to get away with it. I am a vengeful sod, and I'm in the process of gathering information for a detailed report to the MD about this sorry excuse of a project.
Why then do I commit myself into this work so much as to sacrifice my personal time on it? It's not because of job security purposes, I can ensure you. I can stay without work for a number of years, during which time I'll surely encounter something better. It's not because I'm expecting comments of gratitude and appreciation from this lot. It's simply because I don't like seeing three years of hard work crumble to pieces in a fortnight! Most importantly, I cannot sit there and watch a perfectly good team of people being used as pawns in some moron's project wet dream!
I know I am ranting and raving - perhaps not even making any sense - and you don't deserve to be reading this crap. I just need to vent out the frustration of the past few days.
This blog, however, is dedicated to at least providing a smile on the face of the people reading it. Judging by the ladies' comments on my previous post, there is quite an interest in jokes about guy's "members" - for need of better expression - so I hope you enjoy what follows below.

A guy walks into the Gents' and notices a rather tanned gentleman standing next to him bearing a huge "dingaling"."I wish mine could be as long as that" said the man, unable to hide his admiration."No problem", said the coloured gentleman. "All you have to do is tie a bit of string to a brick, tie the other end to your willy, and walk with it dangling between your legs for a week".The next week they meet up in the same toilet in the same bar."That treatment of your is fantastic. Look!" he said pointing at his willy. "It's already turned black!"

Two guys are enjoying a beer at the bar.

Noticing a dog, lying on the floor, licking it's genitals, one guy says to the other:

"Oh! How I wish I could do that!"

"Give him a couple of biscuits and perhaps he'll let you"

Stavros

2007-07-25T21:42:00.000+02:00

It's been a long 14 hour day and I just got in from work. I am too tired to post anything serious tonight - as if I ever do - but I'll share with you a joke I heared today.
This Greek guy full of himself, lets call him Stavros, takes his wife to the maternity clinic to give birth. He is a scruffy looking kinda guy, with a long moustache, sideburns, and greasy hair. He is wearing a shirt with only one button done, at the level of his belly button, a large belly, bearing a hairy chest and a large cross hanging from his neck on a large golden chain.
His wife is taken to the operating theater - or whatever it is called - and soon after the doctor comes out to speak to Stavros.
Doctor - "Your wife is expecting triplets, sir!"
Stavros proudly responds - " Well, of course doc! With Stavros' tool being as big as a hosepipe, what did you expect? And I bet you they are all going to be boys!!!"
The doctor, in shock from Stavros's answer, shakes his head and goes back to attend to his wife.
A couple of minutes later he comes back outside.
Doctor - "What do you know! The first one is a healthy boy!"
Stavros proudly responds - "I told you doc! With Stavros' tool being as big as a hosepipe, what did you expect? And I bet you the two are going to be boys, too!"
Shocked again the doctor returns to the theater.
He emerges a couple of minutes later.
Doctor - "The second is a boy, too!"
Stavros proudly responds - "I told you doc! With Stavros' tool being as big as a hosepipe, what did you expect? I'm sure the third is male, too!"
Once again, the doctor returns to the theater, shocked with this crude guy.
Comes back outside for the third time.
Doctor - "The third one is a boy as well!"
Stavros proudly responds - "I told you doc! With Stavros' tool being as big as a hosepipe, what did you expect?"
Annoyed by now with Stavros's cockiness, the doctor responds.
"Well, my dear friend Stavros, it's high time you started cleaning your hosepipe because all three boys have come out black!"

Gangbanged!

2007-07-24T20:08:00.000+02:00

My dear fellow bloggers, this is not an X-rated themed post, although the odd profanity may make its way to the text. Instead, it's a pretty accurate description of how my co-workers and I feel after this weekend at work.

A more accurate description would by "gangbanged by a Viagra overdosed horde of elephants, freshly released from a ten year sexual drought". Yes! That's more like it.

I find stock taking a tedious, boring, but nevertheless important part of working life. It comes once or twice a year, and everyone is mentally prepared for getting bored senseless of trying to find stuff and accounting for any kinds of variances. So how do you make it more interesting to the staff?

Well, our gracious employers, always considering the best way of maintaining the spirits of the staff high during such periods, this year came up with an alternative plan! At the end of it, they planned the live introduction of an additional software package, designed to make our lives easier, and reducing the manual input of data to our ERP system.

It has been a project going on for the past four, perhaps five months. There have been meetings upon meetings, discussions upon discussions covering the length of the project, including a whole one hour (!) training session for the people who are going to be using it. It was during that training session, that we all realised we were dead meat! We raised questions about the procedures, the input method and so on and so forth. The software company representative who was giving us the training had an answer for each of our questions.

Yet answers of the type: "They didn't mention you need this!", "We were not requested to cover that kind of situation", "Is that what actually happens?", are hardly reassuring that all is well in the western front!

Come last Sunday every tiniest fear we had that we were totally screwed, was finally realised!

We finished our stock taking by 09.30am and then it was a matter of going live on the new system.

To be fair, the first couple of tests gave excellent results. We were cooking with gas!

Were we f..k!!! When it came to linking to our ERP, you could actually smell the foul scent of shit, while listening to the deafening sound of it hitting the proverbial fan! 11.45am the whole process ground to a halt, while the IT guys were trying to sort out the issue.

It was a slow and painful experience that went on and on. Five coffees later, hours and hours of SQL-what the hell it is I don't even want to know-we were getting a dim bright spot at the end of a quite long tunnel! In the meantime, several of the staff were excused to leave and join their families, for whatever was left to them of the Sunday afternoon. I went around the premises seeking for the dog - she has not been seen since Saturday and I fear she has met with some kind of ill fortune from the mongrels in the vicinity of our offices - then watched a helicopter do water drops on a rubbish pit fire 300 yards away, and then sat on my desk and doodled some tropical island scene.

The sun descended into the horizon, but we were still there, by now struggling with the communication between the software packages. To cut a long story short, some kind of a breakthrough came by 11.45pm, and we all decided to call it a day.

Monday was going to be better, we reassured each other, while getting into our cars. Was it f..k?

Come Monday morning we realised that although the two systems were communicating, they were exchanging information of no use to each other! Wait! Wait! It gets better!!!!

Lots of IT fiddling going on, the whole premises ground to a halt, and the phones starts to ring. Our inter company customers were calling to find out whether our logistics department was going to meet their needs! Ha! Fat chance! Not in your lifetime dude! Not with this kind of project preparation!

It turns out that our new super duper package can do virtually anything you ask it to do. It's a real pity, though, that during all these months of running the project, nobody considered looking at our procedures, nobody thought it would be worth their while to if not ask, at least sit in a corner and take notes of how the department works.

As a result, we are now three days into the system going live, we have managed to cover about 20% of our work, and the paperwork raised requires a small army of personnel for data entry alone! It is like someone came to your house, decided to use your stove to bake you a cake, and demolished your kitchen while doing it!

This is a big mess that will take some time to set straight, especially with virtually half of the people due to go on leave in August! Perhaps the Chinese proverb says "may you live in interesting times" but this is pretty much ludicrous. Bloody Greeks, taking things to extremes again!

Helicopter putting out fire across our offices

My island retreat doodle

Weekend tune

2007-07-21T16:37:00.000+02:00

A sweet little country song for the weekend!

I wish you all a better weekend than mine!!!!!

PS. I've not managed to stop the Parajito song from autoplaying, so please wait until it finishes before listening to this tune.

Mutt Update

2007-07-20T19:16:00.000+02:00

It turns out that Mutt is actually a female! Slap my thigh! It was a pimple after all!
Yes! It has been officially checked and confirmed - and cost me a fiver on a wager. The methodology used was pretty scientific! We gave him...her something to eat, and then stroked her - got it right this time - while she was lying on her back.
(I suppose a little rehash of the birds and bees story is pretty darned necessary in our offices. After all, even the ladies got the gender wrong! It seems that as far as a sex life goes, we are a pretty miserable, useless bunch in there. People reading this blog will know my excuse. I wonder what theirs is).
On the positive side, at least it's not a stray, skinny dog with a pimple sized willy!
Since obviously Mutt is an inappropriate name for a female dog, we now need to come up with a new name. There was a big debate during lunch, and the final options are:

Bitch - my choice (both a female and cost me a fiver!)
Lady - I find it pretty pedestrian.
Bones - Might give her a complex (you know, with all this Anorexia halabaloo going on)
Tart - I just came up with that! (similar to Bitch but sweet, too!)
Some other pretty lame, finger-in-throat kinda name.

PS 1. I believe this post has cost me ALL my female audience!

PS 2. She still eats as if it's going out of fashion!

Just a Thursday

2007-07-19T20:25:00.000+02:00

I woke up late this morning. No particular reason, but fancied an extra snooze. By the time I got my breakfast and got into the car, it was thirty minutes later than the time I usually leave home.

I ended up arriving to work the usual time! This is why I absolutely love the summertime! The period between mid July to end of August, population in Athens - and traffic - reduces dramatically. With people living for their summer holidays, Athens virtually empties - to such an extent that during mid August there's more tourists in the town centre than locals - and shows her true, beautiful colours. No smog, no traffic, no people rushing around. It's just you, the picturesque city corners, the little parks and the ancient ruins. Simply beautiful!

Returning to my journey to work, I had a hearse in front of my for the hole duration. I'm not particularly superstitious, but hearses give me the creeps,. So, following one for the whole journey, gave me the sence that this was going to be one of those "why did I get out of bed" days.

As it turned out, it wasn't. The usal chaos and mayhem of another office day, but no major disasters.

In fact, the day had a surprise for us all at the office! A cute little stray dog had decided to pay a visit to our premices. It must be only a few months old. Skinny - you can count each and every bone one his body - and constantly with its tail tucked between his legs.

We gave Mutt - that's what I named him - water, milk and a couple of sandwiches from the vending machine. We always doubted the quality of those things, so this was the acid test. To our relief he copiously ate them!

By the end of the day, he grew accustomed to us, and as a token of his appreciation he pissed and crapped all over the floor of our warehouse!

Mutt

Camera shy

No wonder his a skeleton considering that his butt is so productive!

Creative Too?

2007-07-19T19:39:00.000+02:00

These walk to the podium will kill me, either of embarrassment of exhaustion. I'm a 2,500 year old fart, after all!
Seriously, though, jyankee of New Beginnings fame, has honoured me by awarding me with the Creative Blogger Award!

I suppose I am being creative in developing new spelling for simple English words, or for absolutely murdering the syntax and grammar of the language!

The sntence. Twenty years of blogging without parole!!!

I don't know what to say. Thank you all!!!

I want to pass on the honour to some special people out there:

My friend David of Foulbastard fame for the award for having a very creative imagination and an excellent sence of humour!
My New Yorker friend Rebecca of Pixels from the Edge fame for giving us an inside look into her daily life in the Big Apple!
My friend for the Far East, Blur Ting for the fascinating stories and gorgeous pictures she provides us with.
My friend Wolfgang for writing great posts full of great quotes!
My Chicago - hopefully soon to be South Cali - friend Hollygl for her great posts and her sweet poems!

I know the majority of you already have the award, but all the same take it as a token of appreciation for your good work out there!

The rules are:

1) If you have received an award simply choose either the dark or light background image and save it to your files, then post it proudly on your blog!

2) Pass the award on to five other people, you can choose any of the awards from the series, you do not have to pass out the exact award you received. Choose whichever of the awards below that you'd like to give out. You can give out one of each or five of the same one, whatever you prefer.

3) You can change the size and color of awards to suit your blog, that's up to you, it's your blog, just leave the titles the same.

4) Please link back to this post so that people can read these rules and so that the meanings of the awards will not be lost.

Parajito - with sound

2007-07-18T17:18:00.000+02:00

To all you kind friends out there reading this blog I dedicate this - especially the ladies!
A minute long love song - in perfect broken English - by one of the cutest little creatures I've come across!

http://www.irlmeier.de/bird.swf

Mom's plants

2007-07-17T19:09:00.000+02:00

What can I say? The next place they'll start a fire in this city, will most probably be my mom's balcony! She's got a couple of plants there, so what the heck!
The ARSEonists hit again yesterday, setting fire to a hill about 7km from the centre of Athens!!!! (As I'm writing this, there's a new fire about 15km from the center! Go figure!).
At this rate, the dogs will have to go to the toilet on our legs and finding a tree in the vicinity of Athens will become the new Treasure Hunt - it will most probably be broadcast live on television, as the new reality game craze, so stay tuned!
For the life of them, the authorities can not catch a single one of these guys for the past thirty years! Simply catch him and let him to the hands of the mob. The only justice their sort deserves!
What the heck is wrong with these people? It must be true that when god was handing out genitalia, they rushed to jump the cue, but when he started handing out brains, they were busy playing with what they already got!
Words coming to my head are of the "decorative" type adjectives about the bunch of lunatics inhabiting this arm like piece of land, so I gather this should be the best place to end this post and promise to return to my blogging routine tomorrow with a happier theme!

A song for the ARSEonists:

PS. Next time you visit this country, please bring your own tree!!!

My encounter with Speedy Gonzales

2007-07-16T19:44:00.000+02:00

Returning from work, a couple of years ago, I was driving along enjoying the ride, especially since I'd just finished a horrible 18 hour day at the office.
There I was, heater on - it was November or December - and the music pumping on the stereo.
Paid at the toll booth, and proceeded to enter the motorway! Indicated, got into the far left speed lane - I belong to the scarce minority of Greek drivers who indicate when changing lanes - and off I went.
That particular stretch of motorway goes up a mountain, and the speed limit is 100km (60m). There I am doing 130km (70m) - don't forget we are in Greece, where speed limits are taken with a pinch of salt.
Suddenly, I see in my rear view mirror, a guy about 200 yards away doing what seemed like 100m, flashing his headlights. I indicated, and tried to get in the stream of cars in the slower lane on my right. They wouldn't let me!
Speedy Gonzales - driving the latest Christine model - in the rear is now right on my tail, flashing his high beams on me and blowing his horn. Since I couldn't move over, I stepped on the gas and accelerated, trying to save myself from getting run over.
Gonzales accelerates with me, so you have two raving lunatics, doing 120m going up a bleeding mountain! Just what the doctor ordered for a return trip home!
It was getting pretty desperate out there, so I turned my indicator on and squeezed into the traffic on the right, earning myself the kindest comments in the Greek vocabulary from the drivers I had just cut into!
As Gonzales was now overtaking me, his passenger thought it wise to comment on my driving through an open window. Call of wrong move!
I wound down the window and through a fully stretched arm, I delivered to him the birdie!
So, now we have the even better situation of two raving Greeks driving next to each other, complimenting each other, enhancing in the process the other drivers' vocabulary.
Not my proudest moment, I must admit, but it had been a long and difficult day. All I wanted was to get back home, and instead I'm getting chased up a mountain by a nouveau riche rear end orifice, who decided he had to check the limits of his turbo charged manhood extension.
Through tunnels we went, through turns we drove, shouting abuse at each other - I just could not let go - until I saw a parked police car on the hard shoulder at the end of the tunnel.
Drove right behind the police and slammed on my brakes! Gonzales, thought I wanted a fight - apparently didn't notice the police - stopped right behind me. BIG mistake!
"Is everything alright?" said the policeman.
"I believe these guys are chasing me officer!" I responded.
"Leave it to me, sir! I'll take care of this!"
We all got out of our cars and startedtelling the officer what had happened.
"Ok, sir. You can leave now" he said to me, bringing out his ticket book, and preparing to deliver some of his autographs to Gonzales and his friend.
It felt soooooooooooooooooooo sweet!

God of War

2007-07-15T15:36:00.000+02:00

I killed hundreds of undead warriors, I fought against the wildest monsters of Greek mythology. The Hydra, the Minotaurs, the Gorgons and the Cyclops yielded to my strength, my skill in the use of the Blades of Wrath, and the special powers gifted to me by the Olympian Gods.

I travelled through the Desert of the Lost Souls, and retrieved Pandora's box from the temple on Kronos' back- the once leader of the Titans.
I was killed by Ares, the blood thirsty God of War, but fought my way out of Hades. I fought against myself, in a battle to save the souls of my wife and child.

I fought my way up from the realms of the dead to confront Ares in the final battle.
There, amongst the ruins of the once proud city of Athens, I took his life and his throne among the Gods.

I am Cratos, the new God of War!

This was six or so months ago, and the sequell (God of War II) is out. I am soooooo buying it!

I've never enjoyed a video game as much as I did this. Maybe it's the story that is slowly unfolding as you go on, maybe it's the great graphics those guys made for the monsters of mythology, or maybe it's the blood that seems to be flying all over the place with every move the character makes.

Whatever the reason, this is quite an addictive game, and yes I am fourty years old!

What can I say? I've got some time to kill!

The block that wasn't...

2007-07-14T16:09:00.000+02:00

Three seconds to the final whistle, they were down by nine baskets and the opposing guys were preparing to add insult to injury by slam dunking! Perhaps it was only a two-on-two game, but he could not allow that to happen! It was bad enough that they were going to pay for the beers at the bar, but to also have to live through the taunts of a double-score defeat was simply not on.
His eyes on the ball, he summoned all his energy and run behind the attacking centre, poised to make the block. Almost in slow motion, they both lifted up in the air, the ball landed into the basket, and Epi on the guy's calf.
First to speak was Snap. He spoke loud, with his electric voice rushing through Epi's right leg! Upon hitting the ground, Crackle decided to have a word as well. His message was clear and made it's way to Epi's brain in a flash!
He collapsed on the floor in agony. His best friend V. rushed over to see what happened.
"Oh! It's nothing! I think I twisted my ankle! Nothing that a little cold water can not make good." Epi responded.
Couple of minutes later, they are driving back to the house, discussing what went wrong with the game and, perhaps most importantly, which watering hole to visit for the evening. No problem with the legs. No pain on either of them as Epi was pressing on the gas, or the clutch while shifting gears.
They got to the house within ten minutes. V. got out first while Epi was preparing to place the sun screen on the dashboard. He tried to get out of the car, but on touching the flood with either foot, he felt the electricity flow through his body. Those bastards, Snap and Crackle were still around. Good job Pop missed the party!
He was taken for X-rays, where it was confirmed that he had broken a bone in his left foot and one in his right leg. 100% success! As the radiologist jokingly exclaimed, almost falling of his crutches - he had met with Snap only the previous day on the football field.
Another half an hours drive to the nearest hospital, and Epi was flat on his stomach, with both legs up in the air, and plaster applied to them.
It definitely was not the kind of "plastering" they had in mind when they were making plans for the evening with his mate V!
All that was nothing compared to the phone calls the twenty seven year old guys would have to make to their folks, telling them what had happened. They would go ape with worry, and all kinds of questions would have to be answered.
Phone calls made, the complicated trip to the bathroom handled with success, they sat on the front balcony of V's summer house, staring at the sea, drinking and having a good laugh about life!
At least it meant that Epi was going to be two weeks late going back to work in Nigeria!

Friday's research

2007-07-13T18:10:00.000+02:00

Ever the researcher, Epi has been busy today, gathering important information to share with his reading public.

Please allow me to present to you the fruits of my labour, for your pleasure and entertainment.

I wish you all a happy weekend!

Change your life

2007-07-12T19:15:00.000+02:00

So there I am tired and fed up with my shopping spree, and decided it was time to take it easy, by taking a stroll through a bookstore.

It had been almost three years since I last was in Manchester, and wanted to relive my days there as a student. I did the whole tour of the city, visiting all the places I used to frequent with the guys while students there, walked in the rain, and as you can imagine, had a couple of pints of bitter in the pub across UMIST, the Lass O' Gowrie.

Ah yes! So, I'm in the bookstore, browsing the isles, and trying to find any interesting stuff to quench my thirst for reading - the beer part had been taken care of.

I'm pretty lazy I guess, so I either go for books with action and intrigue, or subjects about professional matters. This time, however, my eyes were drawn to a self help book with the catchy tittle "Change your Life in 7 Days" by Paul Mc Kenna. "Just the book I need " I thought , and dashed to the cashier to pay for it.

I wanted a book like that, because as you may have noticed, I'm going through a patch in my life where I don't know what to do next. I'm not satisfied with much of what I'm doing now, and really needed the help - especially if it can be swift and effective!

To date, I've read it three times! It's a nice book, easy and pleasant to read, with good quotes from famous people and some pretty useful exercises to make you more targeted, confident and more relaxed. It also has a CD where the author takes you through a half an hour meditation/relaxation session.

He recommends making the exercises, and listening to the CD a daily routine. It's kinda like training your mind and spirit on being positive and having a good attitude about things. Teaching yourself how to succeed in what you want.

I've decided to take some action on that once again, and have promised myself to follow his instructions, even if that means getting up earlier in the morning, or going to sleep half an hour later. I mean, bugger-all else has worked so far, so there's not much to lose really!

I've also promised myself to go out and at least buy a set of "Teach Yourself Portuguese", as I've been postponing it for quite some time now!

I did some thinking in the past days (and that doesn't include the piss-up day obviously) and have decided that I really want to make things work out with my girl, more than anything else right now. It's shouldn't be a difficult ask if we really love each other, although maybe the practicalities of our relationship seem complicated.

So there you have it! Epi has made two commitments to himself, and is pretty darned determined to make changes in his life!

Elemental Chemistry 101

2007-07-11T20:36:00.000+02:00

HOMME

A Chemical Analysis

Element: Man

Symbol: Ma

Discoverer: God

Atomic Weight: Accepted as 150 but is known to vary from 125 to 300.

Occurrence: Usually found in close proximity to alcohol.

Physical Properties:

Surface often rough, although can be made smooth if deemed necessary.
Found in various states but rarely pure.
Non-magnetic.
Appears to be repelled by any quantity of coin.
Very strong attraction to fast cars and bikes.
Low melting and boiling points, hence often unstable.
Physical size prone to change - see chemical properties

Uses: None

Chemical Properties:

Able to absorb vast quantities of alcohol, although saturation can have disastrous effects on reactivity.
Shrinks in contact with cold water.
Highly volatile if left alone with a female.
Specimen not affected by light, although often more reactive in the dark.
Often prone to gross exaggeration.

Tests:

No test yet devised for purity.
Turns yellow if placed beside a bigger specimen.

Caution:

Larger specimens should be treated with extreme care.
Smaller specimens should be treated with sympathy.

FEMME

A Chemical Analysis

Element: Woman

Symbol: Wo

Discoverer: Adam

Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118 but is known to vary from 100 to 160.

Occurrences: Surplus quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:

Surface usually covered in painted film.
Boils at nothing and freezes without reason.
Melts if given proper treatment.
Bitter if used incorrectly.
Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
Non-magnetic but attracted by coins and sports cars.

Uses:

Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
Most powerful money-reducing agent known.
Can be great aid to relaxation.

Chemical Properties:

Possesses great affixity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones.
Able to absorb great quantities of excessive sustenance.
May explode spontaneously if left alone with male.
Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
Leaves red deposit to china and cigarettes.

Tests:

Pure specimens turn rosy tint if discovered in natural state.
Turns green if placed beside better specimen.

Caution:

Highly dangerous except in experienced hands, and must be used with great care if experiments are to succeed.
It is illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen, though a certain amount of exchange is permitted.

- Manchester and Salford Students' rag mag 1988

Night out

2007-07-11T07:01:00.000+02:00

Sincere apologies my friends for not posting anything last night. Unforeseen circumstances!

To be more specific, I went out and got absolutely paraletic.

It all started when I came back from the gym. The phone range and it was a good friend who I hadn't seen for ages. He just got back from a few days off work and could not get into the climate of working again.

We decided to go out for a quick beer-with it being a working day, and all-and went to a nearby bar which we frequented as youngsters.

To cut a long story short, we ended up drinking about a keg of beer each, while our dear barman friend was buying us shots of tequila and some watermelon concoction!

Plastered, wasted, pissed (call it what you will) I treckled back home by 4.30am, got a shower and a coffee, and off to work.

I'm in the office now, posting these words while feeling that I'm floating, living through a dream. It pretty surreal! I haven't done this for quite some time, so last night was a shot in the arm!

Back to work

2007-07-09T19:27:00.000+02:00

"Tell me why I don't like Mondays. I wanna shoot the hole day down!" the Boomtown Rats, of Bob Geldof fame, used to sing and was it appropriate for me today!!!

Having spent two weeks off work, this morning was a wake up call. Reality doesn't change, it's just our perspective on things!

Reality slapped me in the face this morning in the rudest way possible. It was not the early (5.30am) wake up, it was not the traffic driving to work, none of these usually frustrating things. It was the realisation that it's now almost four years that I have been doing a job I don't enjoy a single bit, for employers that I've grown to dislike for their ineptitude, disorganisation and bigotry! (I am not trying to be an arrogant sod, nor am I claiming to be God's gift to management here).

"Congratulations Epi, you've invented the wheel!" I hear you cry out in unison. "As if it is the only company in the world that works that way".

I am fully aware that it is not- philosophers know such things you know. It is just that I got weak at the knees because all my efforts to leave there and improve my working life, have to-date proved futile.

Patience and perseverance I know- You see! You jumped the gun again -is the name of the game, and believe me I'm making valiant efforts to improve on that. Sometimes, however, I get scared with time and life passing me by! Could I be going about things wrong? Possibly! Am I spending too much time worrying about things? Certainly! Should I be concentrating on my personal life more than my career? Most definitely. (After all, I sacrificed a good career in search of personal happiness). Could I get through to you-know-who in Brazil over the weekend? No! QED!!!

Anyway. I don't want to pass the negative feelings of my return to work, on to you.

I would like instead to share with you some of the photocopies I got scanned the other day that perfectly describe what I've been ranting about. (I don't know if it is possible, but feel free to make copies of them, as I'm sure they apply elswhere, too).

Have a good week!

Wish you were here!

2007-07-08T15:16:00.000+02:00

Ah! Sunday morning! I don't usually wake up early on Sunday's, but I did today. I am going back to work tomorrow after a two week break, and I wanted to get back into the habit of waking up early.

I jumped into the shower, and then, with not much to do, I listened to some music. Staring at the ceiling, thinking about all kinds of things, I felt calm and relaxed.

My Mom called about noon and asked if I fancied the idea of going out for a bite of lunch. Why not! It's a glorious, sunny day, and we were going to one of the restaurants by the sea. Sounded ideal!

I got into the car and off we went! We found a little "taverna" by the beach, overlooking the sea, and the ruins of the ancient city walls. Wonderful! Just think that thousands of years back, other Greeks would have been doing the exact same thing. I find it fascinating!

The food was great, too, and pretty reasonably priced (which was a surprise, since we are in the tourist season). Mouth watering delicacies like grilled calamari, octopus, and fish. Accompanied of course by the inevitable Greek salad and greens. Mmmmmmmm.....bloody Greeks! We can cook some seafood dishes!

It was very relaxing eating there, staring at the inviting blue of the sea-blue and glittering like a mirror-and watching the ships go by. The little joys of life, I guess.

It was a good closing for my two weeks of freedom, before returning to the daily grindstone tomorrow.

I hope you all enjoyed your weekends as much as I did!

It seems I'm a Schmoozer too!

2007-07-07T14:22:00.000+02:00

HollyGL has tagged me for a second Thinking Bloggers Award along with a Schmoozer award.

I had to look it up at Wikipedia! ( Schmooze: to converse informally, make small talk or chat).

Thanks HollyGL! I don't know what to say. Just that it's all you people out there bring out the schmoozer in me! I thank you all!!!!

Without further ado, I will pass both these honours to some people who make my hobby of blogging a pleasure. People whose posts are a pleasure to read:

Foulbastard

Rambling Rebecca

Wolfgang

The Real Mother Hen

Jyankee

Here are the rules:
1. If, and only if, you get the Thinking Blogger Award or The Power of Schmooze Award, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think, or have scmoozed you into submission.
2. Link to this post and Mike so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the ‘Thinking Blogger Award’ with a link to the post that you wrote (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn’t fit your blog).

A sincere thank you to all of you guys!

Friday morning in Athens

2007-07-06T14:43:00.000+02:00

I couldn't get to sleep last night, so I took my drawing pad and started doodling, while listening to soft music and drinking water. I know, not much excitement in drinking water, but it is still quite hot over here.
The result was something that looks like snoopy and his little bird friend, whose name, for the life of me, I cannot remember. Behold the evidence:

I didn't wake up until nine this morning-I wish it was ten or eleven since I am not working today, but alas, once I opened my eyes, that was it. So, what better excuse to go to the city centre for a walkabout, take some pictures and buy some contact lenses. (Perhaps I've omitted informing my audience that Epi is blind as a bat, and without contacts he would be walking into furniture or even worse, walls).
Equipped myself with my iPod, tickets and patience for the bus, and started off into my Friday morning adventure. I always find it an experience taking the bus. Thankfully, these days they are air-conditioned, but still remain rather "vibrating" -for need of a better word - and with the added bonus of standing, you get to thoroughly enjoy the drivers' impressions of Nikki Lauda! I'm sure it must be quite an experience for all the ladies on board, if you know what I mean.
The excitement only lasted for about ten minutes-suggesting that quite a few folks have started leaving the city for their summers holidays-and we were there!
Since some of you requested photos of Greece, what a perfect opportunity to oblige by mingling with the tourists and going to the change of guard in front of our parliament house. I missed the change of guard by a couple of minutes-damn-but got a couple of photos of the soldiers, the square and the parliament house itself. As far as mingling with the tourists is concerned, I stuck out like a sore thumb, being the only one there without a camera!
Its been such a long time since I last went to that side of the square. I remember my grandpa, Canon, used to take me the to feed the pigeons and the swans in the National Gardens further down. (Great! Now I feel a thousand years old).

Syntagma (Constitution) Square, with the Parliament house in the background

And again.

Parliament House

National Guard in summer uniform

By the end of this excursion down memory lane, it was time to buy my contacts which were packaged for me in a bag bearing a rather odd-as far as optical products are concerned-advert on it. No wonder my eyes water every time I wear my contacts!

Will I grow more eyes in a few months?

My top 15 songs

2007-07-05T16:05:00.000+02:00

I love my music! I cannot live without music! Almost in everything I do, I have music playing in the background.
My first job when I get in my car-actually second, since I have to put the key in the ignition-is to turn the music on. When I take a shower, the music is on. There's nothing better than a good singalong when taking a shower, though my neighbours I'm sure will disagree.
But there are some songs that have become part of me, closely linked to good and bad memories alike. You will notice that of the songs I'm listing, most have sad, or even depressing lyrics. That's me! Even when I listen to music, I need to think!

Blue Monday - New Order
My all time favourite song, of my all time favourite band!
"How does it feel to treat me like you do?" - The story of my relationships
Shake the Disease - Depeche Mode
"...you know how hard it is for me to shake the disease
that takes hold of my tongue in situations like these..." - I asked my first love to go out with me by playing this song on her walkman. I was too scared to ask!
Diamonds and Rust - Judas Priest
Yeah, I know it's a Joan Baez song, but I prefer the Priest version.
"...yes we both know what memories can bring,
they bring diamonds and rust..."
Touched By The Hand Of God - New Order
"...and now I'm down here all alone, with every feeling that I own,
you can't take that away..." - what can I say?
Subculture - New Order
"...what do I get out of this?
I always try. I always miss..." - Applicable on many periods of my life!
Heart - Pet Shop Boys
"...if I didn't love you, I would look around for someone else,
but every time I see you, you have the same effect.
My heart starts missing a beat!" - For my certain someone
Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd
"...when I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look, but it was gone. I can not put my finger on it now..." - It always brings tears to my eyes. The solo guitar at the end goes through to my bones!
Appetite - Prefab Sprout
"...I don't want to sell you lies,
I only mean to do you right..." - That's me!
What Difference Does It Make - The Smiths
"...heavy words are so lightly thrown..." - For all my ex's.
Landing in London -3 Doors Down
"...and all these days I spend away,
I'll make up for it. I swear!..." - reminds me of my girl! (I always keep my word)
Take It Easy - Eagles
"...don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy..."
Missing - Everything But The Girl
"...and I miss you, like the desserts miss the rain..."
P.S. -James
"...You're falling, you're falling, falling from your god-like distance.
You're fashion, just fashion, fashion doesn't keep.
You're sour, so sour, all is hope and trust is misplaced.
You're sour, now you are alone..." - I was playing this song when I resigned from my previous job
Five-O - James
"...if it lasts forever, hope I'm the first to die..."
"...are you here for the party, or are you here for the pain?..."
Alaskan Pipeline - James
"...oh, you say life's so unfair,
ooh, you can ill afford to hold to this views,
ooh, you need something to blame.
But it's you! It's your truth!" - Helped me through so many difficult times!

Out of the cave and into the 21st century

2007-07-04T15:14:00.000+02:00

Am I thrilled or what?
Yesterday, having nothing better to do with my time, I decided to finally setup my scanner cum copier cum fax machine. I say finally, because I got it for free when I bought my PC about two and a half years ago!
The first task was actually finding the blasted thing! Not an easy task I might add. It involved the use of ladders, shifting boxes, cleaning up wardrobes, etc. You get the picture.
The setup itself was pretty straight forward, as it usually is with such equipment these days. The exception was looking for the USB cable. It took me ten minutes, and a variety of Greek words, to find the original packaging of the PC and digging it out.
Ten minutes for the software to install and we were cooking! All that sweat-it is still quite hot over here-rearranging of boxes, cleaning and tidying up wardrobes, had paid off! I then went through some photocopies of fun stuff that I've been keeping in a folder, and scanned them through to my PC. If you behave yourselves, I'll share them with you in due course.
I also scanned some drawings I had made all those years ago, while I was bored senseless, in an empty house, when I first started working in Nigeria! Those, are not really worth sharing with you because they are pathetic!
It is only the one below that is perhaps worth showing. I drew it looking at the image on a promotional packet of Camels (there's one good thing smoking did for me). Feast your eyes world:

PS. For all my American friends out there, Happy Independence Day!

Words

2007-07-03T14:40:00.000+02:00

As I was leaving home to go to school, my mom would always tell me: "Have a good day, and remember to be careful of traffic, women and drugs".
Wise words, that have followed me through my life! So long, I've only had a single encounter with drugs, and never had an accident in the streets (though I've come close to, twice). It is just the part of women that I haven't mastered yet, and never believe I will! What can I say. It is not as if I'm the only man on the planet who has not mastered the art of reading a woman's mind.
But I digress! The issue for writing this post is to share with you the words of a not so famous Greek expat in West Africa. Words that I return to on difficult times.

The gentleman has called a subordinate to his office to give him a piece of his mind for something that was done contrary to his instructions.

The subordinate is trying all sort of excuses to cover up for his mistake in a vain attempt to pull the proverbial wool over the manager's eyes.
Frustrated for not being able to find the cause of the breakdown in communication, at the end of his tether with listening to stupid excuses the manager lashes out:

"You think I know fuck nothing? I know fuck all!"

True words of wisdom! Words that are etched to my mind forever....

Speechless

2007-07-02T15:53:00.000+02:00

I could write about the forest fires of the past few days-305 fires in 3 days-which consumed large amounts of the precious little green left on this rugged land.
I could write about the bitter squabbling of the politicians, firemen, and forestry department on all media, on who's fault this disaster is.
I could write about the ugly pictures of burnt carcases of forest animals caught in the inferno.
I could write about the findings of incendiary devices at the scenes where the fires started.
I could write about the temperature rise, the flash flooding, the landslides, or the unbearable smog. Threats looming over us, after we failed to protect the forest surrounding the concrete maze of Athens.
I will not!
I will quietly mourn the deep scars we inflicted on our host land!
Mourn the death of dignity in this country!

Please Mom! I want one!

2007-07-01T17:59:00.000+02:00

Ooooh, yes! I'm getting me one of the beauties!
A die hard gadgeteer, I started on these little machines when I first got myself the Palm Pilot about six months from reading an article on hand writing recognition. What a ride it was! I spent hours on end on my new acquisition, writing stuff with the stylus, getting a feel of what 20th century technology is like! Even had it on the dresser on my bed, like a ten year old, when I went to sleep.

I don't consider myself an impulse shopper, but when it comes to gadgets of this sort, I get this itchy feeling in the palm of my hand. I never get bored with them! I don't have the time to, anyway, since they tend to upgrade and develop at neck breaking speed. Then it's a case of giving the old one to Dad--everyone else in the family loathes my generosity since he is not the most hi-tech person in the family, always asking operational instructions from other family members. More often than not is my niece who pays the price, having to explain how to set up a new ring tone, how to add a new background picture, how to switch the thing off etc--and getting the next model.

The buggers are not making it easy for me either. Whenever I got off the plane in Switzerland on the way to Greece for holidays--with invariably 4 to 6 hours to kill--I'd find myself in the electronics' stores checking out what's new. I would never buy from there though! It was always a case of noting down the model of the gadget I liked and buying it from Greece, or have my uncle buy it and send it over from Singapore or Taiwan. Then I'd go to the newsagents next door and buy me a chocolate treat to celebrate the upcoming new purchase! I can assure you that there have been countless such chocolate celebrations over the years!

The latest such purchase was when I was last in the UK in December '06. Following a string of business meetings, a visit to Old Trafford--you must know Manchester United's ground--and a sentimental walk down memory lane at the University of Manchester campus, I was left with a day to kill. I found some very helpful people at the Apple store who wanted to fill my time by showing me various ways of getting rid of that bulge in my pocket. (Now guys! I am referring to my wallet here. Please don't drop the standards!) Ten minutes later I'm the proud owner of an iPod, with still lots of time to spare.

Now is the turn of the iPhone. It is going to be my present for quiting smoking, which in turn is going to be the source of the budget for it! I've got it all sorted out! The fall is approaching and the itchy feeling in my palm is getting more intense!

Full Moon

2007-06-30T15:32:00.000+02:00

It must be the full moon! I used to grow hair all over my body, my teeth would become sharper, my nails would get longer, and I would get the overpowering taste for blood! Lately things have changed, though. No more long nails, no more hairs and teeth. If I could only get rid of this urge to draw blood when that white disc appears full in the evening skies! I am pissed off--or pissed, depending on which side of the big pond you are at! Annoyed with everything and nothing in particular. (I've behaved well, however, not snapping at the people around me who I know truly care).

Since turning 40 last February, I decided that there were issues in my life that needed to be fixed, and fast for that matter. I took pen to paper, drew up my list of goals, and decided that the time was right to concentrate on going for them. The line was drawn, and immediate action was needed to set things flowing in the direction I wanted them to go.

I've been single for all my life, eagerly wanting to start a family, and I've been working in a job that I hardly get any pleasure out of, underpaid and overworked as is the case with most jobs in Greece.

I sent an ultimatum type of message to my girlfriend, asking her to make her mind up as to what she was expecting out of our relationship. I tried to be as firm as I could without breaking her heart. Amazingly, she responded positively, and we have set the wheels turning for her to visit me here in Greece, to at least catch a glimpse of where I live, my friends and my family. We can then take it on from there.

Meanwhile, I decided to put a more serious effort in setting the wheels that will take me out of the shit hole I work at, spinning. I did! I did all the things in the book, to land another job. I'm not a dreamer expecting to find the perfect job, but there must be something out there that's better for me than this current daily disgrace. Well, if there is, I cannot find it!

Six months on, and I stand before you in the same damned place I was on the day of my 40th birthday! Talk about progress! "...so much for the golden future! I can't even start.."

That's why I'm pissed off! I get the feeling that life is overtaking me at such a rate that years from now I'll be at the same place, wanting the same things but getting the same results.

Sometimes I feel like letting everything go, vegetating in front of a TV, sunbathing on a beach, or sleeping for hours on end, hoping that this life will pass and I'll get another go as a frog, or a chicken or something. I get frustrated with myself for perhaps being that thick and/or blind not being able to identify other avenues to follow.

...and the need for blood remains! 'Till the next full moon...

It's Friday!

2007-06-29T19:07:00.000+02:00

Don't tell me that there's someone out there who can not relate to this song?

The day I didn't need my friends

2007-06-28T17:17:00.000+02:00

There seems to be a lot of dancing going on in the blogs I visit recently.
Though I love dancing, I take some prior convincing from my friends, be it Johny (Walker), Jim (Beam) and especially Jack (Daniels)!
It's not that I can not dance. I can do the odd figures, I can stay in the rhythm, and boy can I dance slow! It's that I get this feeling that all eyes are concentrating on me, judging my moves, perhaps even waiting for me to slip and land flat on my bum. I just feel really intimidated!
The second time I visited my girl in Rio, she had the fabulous idea to take me out samba dancing! There was no way I can say no to those beautiful eyes, even though I felt it was going to be a tough evening for me.
The club was jam packed and the music was blasting away from a live band in the corner. I've never seen such a congregation of beautiful women before or since. (It must be the water or something! If there's a scientific reason for it, I'm all ears).
She chose a table next to the dance floor for easy access. My knees had gone at the entrance! I was full of smiles, but deep inside was dreading the moment she would ask me to dance with her! I needed one of my friends, and I needed him badly!
But then the strangest thing happened! She stood up in front of the table and let her body flow with the music. Damn was she sexy! Without realising, I was next to her, my arm around her waist, actually keeping up with the rhythm and her! I seriously doubt that I was samba dancing at the time, but who cared. As far as I knew, people could be commenting, staring, having a laugh with the gringo's attempt to dance, but I actually didn't care!
When Jack came along, it was too late. I had already been dancing with her for a couple of songs, maybe more. It was actually one of the very few times that I danced without the prior consumption of alcohol! And my goodness, did I enjoy it!

Strange box for packing

2007-06-28T16:44:00.000+02:00

My neighbours from downstairs--I live in a two storey building--are moving out this weekend. Among the boxes they have gathered for packing , I noticed one which seems rather inappropriate for the job.
Call me old fashioned, but isn't this a weird choice for a packing box?

Discoveries of Man and Woman

2007-06-27T14:58:00.000+02:00

Man discovered COLOURS and created PAINTING

Woman discovered PAINTING and created MAKE-UP

Man discovered WORDS and created CONVERSATION.

Woman discovered CONVERSATION and created GOSSIP.

Man discovered PLAYING and created CARDS.

Woman discovered CARDS and created TAROT.

Man discovered the EARTH and created FOOD
Woman discovered FOOD and created DIETS
Man discovered FEELINGS and created LOVE
Woman discovered LOVE and created MARRIAGE
Man discovered WOMAN and created SEX
Woman discovered SEX and created HEADACHE
Man discovered TRADE and created MONEY
Woman discovered MONEY and...
fucked everything up!!!!!!

Ladies please be lenient and consider that the above is only a joke! Further more, please take into consideration all the time and effort put into placing all these GIF's into place (and they still don't seem to function!).

Canon

2007-06-26T15:04:00.000+02:00

Trying to go to sleep last night my mind drifted to the memories of my favourite of my grandparents. My mom's father, my grandfather whom we nicknamed "Canon" due to the uncanny resemblance to the detective from the '70 series.

At 5 foot nothing he had a personality to compensate for his lack of height. Born in Asia Minor, in current Turkey, he was orphaned at a young age and taken care from a Turkish lady until 1922 when, during the population exchange, he came over to Greece to build his life.

He got married to my grandmother, who was three years his elder--unusual for those times--and was the only married guy at his platoon when he enlisted for his national service.

A strong minded, forward thinking man, ahead of his days, he encouraged and supported my mom to go through school and pursue her dream of getting a University degree.

Never a rich person, he worked hard throughout his life, as a construction worker and a night watch, and made sure that his family of seven was catered for. He had a lot of love for all of his grandchildren, always teasing us, playing with us, telling us stories, and making toys for us. I loved him a lot! I still do; and believe I was his favourite grandchild. We had a special bond, it seems.

Perhaps it was that I ate a lot. I would finish a milk bottle and straight away demand a second one. When I stayed with him, I'd wake up in the mornings, go to his bed and slap him on his bald patch demanding to be fed!

He'd take me for walks to all the tourist attractions, proudly displaying his chubby grandchild to all. He seemed very proud of the amount of food I could consume, without exploding, and the physical strength I would display by lifting a wooden chair using one hand.

In the afternoons, when he wanted to take a nap, he'd take me with him and tell me the story of Tarzan walking his 300 sheep across the jungle. The flock would reach a narrow bridge, where only one by one could get past. "Count the sheep until they are all safely across, and then we'll continue" he'd say. He would doze off, while I was counting, snoring way.

He liked canaries! He would keep them in a cage, take care of them and talk to them as if they were humans. Once, he found ants in one of the cages, and decided to spray the cage with insecticide! Needless to say that within minutes the canary dropped like a brick off its perch! He really got some stick for that move! For years!

He liked wearing a tie, and his beret and go to "school". That's what he called the coffee shop he went to meet with other retirees, have a Greek coffee, play cards and talk politics. Then on his way home for lunch, he'd pass by our house and inform us on the goings on in his favourite TV series "Dallas"! He loved that show! He could talk about the nastiness of JR for hours!

The most characteristic of his possessions wass his car! The famous Greek built, three wheeled, fiberglass "Attica"! He used to go hunting in it. He'd leave at dawn on a Sunday morning, two barrel shotgun in hand, and return in the afternoon, with a couple of loaves of bread, a bag of greens and perhaps a couple of birds.

When he got sick--prostate cancer that evolved to bone marrow cancer--he suffered a lot of pain. I remember looking at him in bed, and he was like a baby. He had really shrunk! I had come back from the UK where I was studying and rushed over to see him. Although he was too tired to speak to anybody else, he stood up in his bed, and told me stories of the war. He could not let me see that he was suffering!

He's been one of the people who made a big mark in my life. To date I catch myself thinking "what would "Canon" say about this?". The thought of him makes me feel more confident and loved, determined and stronger to face difficulties of life.

There is no way I could be writing about my life, without dedicating a post to "Canon". My favourite grandfather, my friend; the person who took a little child and nurtured him to becoming a man.

Heatwave? What heatwave?

2007-06-25T14:55:00.000+02:00

Well, since you asked Buggsy, I am f... hot! (and I don't mean "fairly").
It's the topic of the day! There's a heat wave going on, and all of the sudden, all other issues have disappeared from people's thoughts. Our sole concern these days is whether it is 43 degrees in the sun or in the shade! Big difference if you ask me! I feel as if I am melting away! (Just a note for our newscasters. I spent the best part of my life in Africa, and unless you are referring to the desert-but even there, temperatures drop at night- please avoid using the term "African temperatures" to characterise this heatwave, because you are WRONG!)
Putting a positive perspective on it, all this heat and perspiration is working wonders with my physique. At this rate, when I hit the beach, I will be totally fat free and proudly displaying my six pack (no! not the beers)!
I don't care about all the complaints I hear on the media, I don't care whether we are breaking twenty year old records here. No! This is a sign from Him, that I should bite my lip for a few days, and at the end I will have something to show for it.
This is the kinda weather that suits Greece, anyway!
It makes it official for people to skive off work and hit the beach. Even public sector workers have a good excuse for not working efficiently.
It is a good excuse for the Electricity company to put all the blame for years of neglect to scorching temperatures damaging the grid.
It's a good opportunity for taxi drivers to charge extra for turning the air conditioning on.
The Water company raised rates a couple of months ago, and all of us were complaining. Little did we know that they had a look in their crystal balls, and saw this coming. We should be grateful, because this kind of foresight simply didn't exist a few years back. The country is actually progressing!
If only we could convince everyone on the benefits of using a deodorant, perhaps our public transport system could prove useful, too.
Heck! Thinking about it this heatwave is a blessing!

For my Girl

2007-06-24T15:24:00.000+02:00

P'ra a minha menina!

Here's to a happy weekend

2007-06-23T16:19:00.000+02:00

In the scorching heat of the heat wave upon Greece these days, I found a couple of cool clips of one of my favourite comedians, Billy Connolly, the hilarious, foul mouthed Scot. I hope you enjoy them!

Animal Cartoons

2007-06-22T19:59:00.001+02:00

Giraffe: "I never think about sex"
Bird: "It's because your head is too far from your d**k!"

Male rabbit: "You whore! The whole forest knows that you been cheating on me!"
Female rabbit: "Evil accusations! I swear on our children!"

Fourteen phrases for living

2007-06-21T18:56:00.000+02:00

I love you not for whom you are, but who I am when I’m by your side.

No person deserves your tears, and who deserves them won’t make you cry.

Just because someone doesn’t love you as you wish, it doesn’t mean you’re not loved with all their being.

A true friend is the one who holds your hand and touches your heart.

The worst way to miss someone is to be seated by their side and know you’ll never have them.

Never stop smiling, not even when you’re sad, someone might fall in love with your smile.

You may only be a person in this world, but for someone, you’re the world.

You may only be a person in this world, but for someone, you’re the world.

Don’t spend time with someone who doesn’t care spending it with you.

Maybe God wants you to meet many wrong people before you meet the right one, so when this happens, you’ll be thankfull.

Don’t cry because it came to an end. Smile because it happened.

There will always be people who’ll hurt you, so you need to continue trusting, just be carefull.

Become a better person and be sure to know who you are before meeting someone new and hoping that person knows who you are.

Don’t struggle so much, best things happen when not expected.

-Gabriel García Márquez

It's Awards night!

2007-06-21T18:09:00.000+02:00

....and the Thinking Blogger award goes to.....: "Epimenides" for his outstanding performance in his blog "Analysing It"!

An uneasy quiet in the hall. That was definitely a surprise to all!

A relic of a man, dressed in what looks like a bed sheet, jumps out of his seat, yelling his head off: "Yes sirree Bob!"

He grabs the award off the presenter's hands and walks to the microphone.

"This comes as a great surprise to me" he says.

"I would like to thank Michelle for tagging me for this award for, and I quote: "making me laugh as well as think""!

It is actually both a great surprise and honour, because I don't consider myself a thinking blogger. Far from it!

Now, now people! That's rude of you! No, it's not beyond my capacity to think! How can you even think that!!!

I just want to share with whomever reads my stuff, things that make me smile and forget about the daily grind for a couple of hours.

My choise of thinking blogs has aleady been tagged for the award, and are listed on Epi's favourite reads on the left!

8 random facts about me

2007-06-20T19:01:00.000+02:00

Michelle, tagged me to provide you with 8 random facts about me. I made an effort, in an earlier post, to provide you with some information about me, but I guess I can have another go!

Had an argument with Mick Hucknall the lead singer of Simply Red.
Friday night in the Hacienda club in Manchester. I'm making out with a girl at the bar - I had my lucky nights too, alright! - until she decides to answer nature's call. I lose sight of her, but her friend is smooching on the dance floor with Mick. I go next to them, trying to get her attention. Mick notices.
Mick - "What your problem mate?"
Epi - "I need to talk to the lady"
Mick - " Fuck off mate!"
Epi - "Fuck yourself Mick!"
And since I know you are nosy so-and-so's, yes I did get lucky that night!

Met Prince Philip (Queen Elizabeth's husband. You know, the Greek guy!)
This was in Ghana 1999-2000. The Royal couple were visiting the country, and it was decided that Prince Philip was to tour a couple of British company factories. Well, one of them was the factory that I was managing at the time, so I ended up giving him a guided tour of our facilities.

I once smoked a joint (Yes! Just once!)
First year at University. There were four people in the house at the time. I still don't know what it was. It was a brownish ball, they heated it with the lighter, and scraped some on the tobacco. They rolled it and smoked. I was not interested. They went to the pub, leaving the thing behind. Bored and smokeless, I smoked it whole! Could not stop laughing, and neither could they when they found me sleeping under the table the following morning.

I rejected an offer for a threesome
C'mon guys! You should have seen the second girl! No way I could go there!

Embarrassing moment No1
Needed to visit the loo, at thirty thousand feet, while flying to Nigeria. Walked to the toilets, opened the door and... there is a lady, nickers on the ankles spending a penny.

Embarrassing moment No2
21 years old, dancing with a girl at a nightclub in Manchester, I notice a couple of elderly people staring at us. She looks at me and says "Do you want to meet Mom and Dad?". I broke the 100m world record!!!

I swear
I don't get annoyed easily, but when I do, I lose control! Since I want to avoid getting a stroke at this tender age, and not wanting to resort to physical violence, I shout and swear! It's actually rather funny for the others, because my face goes through a spectum of red shades, my voice goes up a pitch, and a couple of minutes later I'm all smiles again.

Falling apart?
I wonder this myself sometimes, since I can crack my fingers, my toes, my neck, my elbows and my waist! Terminator IV - the attack of the rust!

I guessI'll have a go at tagging a couple of folks.

David, the real mother hen, and rp. (I don't know if they have already been tagged)

Swedish Chemist

2007-06-19T19:58:00.000+02:00

British comedy at its best! From the team of the "Not the nine 'o clock news", please enjoy.....

THE SWEDISH CHEMIST SKETCH

A bar of gold?

2007-06-18T16:57:00.000+02:00

No, today's issue is not about investments. It's about more down-to-earth issues, or, depending on the mood, up-in-the-sky.

What the heck is he on about, I hear you think. (I've got this knack, too, but that's a different subject altogether).

What I am talking about is a survey. Yes, a survey that I found from reading Holly's blog. It is on a site called human for sale, where you enter figures and they calculate your worth.

I took the survey, ok, but there is a question which I found very complicated in answering.

The question reads: "How big is your penis" and has a selection of numbers from 3 to 10 inches.

Instinctively reaching for the measuring tape, I realised that there is a number of problems that needed to be addressed here. Educated as a Chemist, I find that the matter of measurements is not one to be taken lightly. Accuracy is of the essence!

To provide the accurate response, dear surveyors, I need some further information:

Which measurement are we referring to?
Length, diameter, circumference? Well, the answer to this is pretty straight forward, I suspect, since the question is addressed to humans.

What are the ambient conditions that should prevail during this measurement?
It is a well known fact that ambient temperature greatly influences the size of the subject in question! Further more, contact with water tends to also have adverse effects in the accuracy of the experiment.

What mood should the owner of the subject be in?
Not to wanting to put too fine point to it - there is a pun in there, I'm sure - mood also influences this particular measurement. Consider the words of Adam when he first saw Eve: "Stand back! I don't know how long this thing can get!"

What state should the owner be in when measuring?
Is it expected that the owner takes some "preliminary action" prior to measuring?
Is the measurement expected to be taken in the morning or evening hours?
Is the owner expected to carry out the measurement while surfing the net (if so please indicate suitable sites), or at his own leisure?
Before watching Drama or Comedy on TV?

(In the list above it is assumed that the person carrying out the measurements is the owner of the "subject" being measured, otherwise measurements could go completely off scale).

Why the fuss, you ask. Potential purchasers could be ripped off tens of thousands of dollars for a couple of inches!

Well, as I said I DID take the survey answering ALL questions, and my worth is in the region of $1.8 - $1.9 million! (And NO I did not lie in this particular question)!

I find it appropriate at this juncture to close with one of my favourite Elephant jokes:

What did the elephant say to Adam when he first saw him in the Garden of Eden?

"Dude, how can you eat with that thing?"

Here we go again!

2007-06-17T14:35:00.000+02:00

Despite all government denials about it, we are headed for early elections in September. I hope so at least, because the political fanfare has already started in earnest, and I don't think I can take all of this crap 'till March next year.
The Prime Minister (Mr. Karamanlis) is touring the country, up to the end of July, when he will retreat on holidays, closely followed by the head of the opposition Socialist party (Mr. Papandreou).
They are giving speeches to ecstatic crowds bearing party flags, and making promises they both know they can not keep. Not surprisingly the cameras are closely following them, and the news are airing the scenes and have panels of politicians from the two parties analysing their every syllable, trying to convince us that they represent the end of the country's problems. If people from outer space were to land in the center of Athens, we would not know because of the TV coverage of our two great leaders!
Meanwhile, all Greeks are chasing a daily living (working two and sometimes three jobs), trying to keep up with prices of goods which are always on the rise, paying off debts, and dealing with a public system that is old, slow, inefficient and corrupt.
What has led to this state of affairs? It is precisely these political figures and their highly revered families! Please note:

1944 - George Papandreou Sr, Prime Minister
1955 - Contantine Karamanlis, Prime Minister
1980 - Andreas Papandreou, Prime Minister

Their legacy?

George Papandreou Sr. ,who considered the Greek Communist party a threat to the country, with his actions in '44 - '45, led Greece to a five year long civil war. Five years of Greeks fighting Greeks, while the German occupation of the country lasted four years!

Constantine Karamanlis, with his policy, led to the excessive build up of Athens, congregating the Greek population in a concrete monster, while the rest of the country was left in a medieval state. God help you if you happen to break a bone in a small town in the Greek countryside!

Andreas Papandreou, polarised people in this country, promising a lot and delivering nothing. In order to win a second term, he spent public money to attract voters and gifted the country with a large dept, which has since been multiplying.

Now their offspring are upon us, not having worked for a single minute in their lives, wanting a piece of the action, and blaming each other for the current state of affairs while at it. We have given them the right to believe that this country is part of the family treasure that is passed on from one generation to the next.

Meanwhile, we are stuck in the middle of this farce, hit left, right and center by daily life problems; watching numb, while scandals that would lead to the fall of governments in other countries, burst to the surface and then promptly covered up. Life goes on as though nothing happened, while they try to put us at the throats of one another to ensure their victory in the next election. It is a nightmare with no end!

These assholes are slowly but steadily destroying everything that this proud nation has ever created.

It is an embarrassing fact that we are 1st in the EU with the highest illiteracy percentage of population.
We have the top or second from top unemployment percentage in the EU,
While the ones who do work are the most overworked and most underpaid.
They are trying to stop the young generations from learning the proper facts about our history, because it may offend our good neighbours the Turks. The slaughtering of thousands of Greeks in Asia minor, in the new history books appears as "a congregation of people in the harbour trying to get a boat home". (I can forgive, but don't ask me to forget!)
There is hardly any art or science produced in this country, although everyone seems to "think they can dance", or want to be the next "pop idol",
And Greece has become notorious for human trafficing.

Democracy has become a whore in their hands. It has become one of the most misused words universally, following the word "free" when uttered from Dubya's mouth.

"It's all Greek to me"!

2007-06-16T15:09:00.000+02:00

What a weird expression! Willing to stand corrected, I believe it is an expression used when something is not understood. That is what I can not comprehend about it!

What is there not to understand about the things the Greek civilisation offered to mankind?

Is it the art? Is it Democracy? Is it philosophy? Is it science? It can not be, since we based all of our advances in these fields on the legacy that great civilisation left behind.

"It is the language!" I hear you say. It is a strange language, so different to English that we all know.

Hmm? Let's see.

I'm sure the word "philosophy" is widely understood. What about "tragedy"? What about "poetry"? And then, of course there is "geography", "alphabet", "gynaecology", "phenomenon", "hegemon" to name a few. Even the word "salary", peoples' daily quest, has its roots in the Greek language.

In actual fact, there are millions of words in "western" languages that originate from Greek.
I am not being a snobbish Greek by any means! In fact there isn't enough room in the whole of the net for me to outline the disadvantages of the Greek people. Come one guys! I'm just helping you win at Scrabble!

It is just that this expression does not sound right to me.

It is an "oxymoron"!

A long (good) Friday!

2007-06-15T17:29:00.000+02:00

I've been running like a headless chicken around Athens today - I took a day off work - and still haven't finished all the jobs I had.

The most important part of the day was my job interview, and what an experience it was!

Knowing the traffic in and around the town, I decided to leave home two hours ahead of the meeting. What a wise decision that proved to be!!

To kick things off, there was a car crash on the road and four lanes of traffic converged into two. Resulting tailback, about thirty minutes. No worries! Still had time to get there with a few minutes to spare. Right? Well, that would have been the case if the guy's assistant had given me the right directions!

I asked virtually everybody owning a corner shop for about five kilometers, I sweated, I smoked, I got stressed and frustrated, I phoned her (without any reply!), but managed to get there with five minutes to spare.

Removed my red cape and blue uniform, changed into my newly bought suit, and went ahead with the interview.

One hour and forty five minutes it lasted. I covered every detail of my life and career to date. It never ceases to amaze me how obscure details about the past come into my mind in situations like these. Overall, I think it went well. We'll wait and see!

Fifty minutes later I was back at home, sweating like a pig (it's 36 degrees outside and about fifty in my house), jumped into the shower and off to the gym! (I know the sequence is not the logical one, but what the heck!).

Now I'm back home, having showered for the third time today, AC on, and posting, before I go out to dinner with my uncle's wife who's visiting from Taiwan.

I desperately need a drink!

A Revelation

2007-06-14T18:05:00.000+02:00

It is a sad fact!

I look at my three best friends - of the past thirty odd years- and they DO seem OK!

Luckiest man alive

2007-06-14T17:52:00.000+02:00

A driving accident, guy loses control of the car and drives off the road. Not very unusual, right?

Wrong!!!

Look at what he escaped!!!

Disappearing beauty?

2007-06-13T19:59:00.000+02:00

Al Gore was in Greece today, giving a speech on the issue of the environment.

Personally, I think that however much we try to destroy our host planet, we will only succeed in destroying mankind.

With a history of billions of years, mother Earth has proven She can take all the hits nature brings along. The only losers here are us!

And this is what we will miss out on:

Meanwhile, Dubya - the "leader of the free world" - is farting about, visiting Albania and getting his wristwatch stolen. Serves him right!

God - My two cents

2007-06-13T19:38:00.000+02:00

I've been reading a few posts today touching on the issue of God and spirituality. Readers of this blog will know that Epi is a shallow so-and-so!

Not wanting to offend anybody, neither disappoint my audience, let me share an interesting comment I recently heard about God.

"When God Created Man, She was only Joking!"

Jobsearch

2007-06-12T19:05:00.000+02:00

Looking back at the past four years, when I returned to Greece, I have realised that I've become Mr. Jobsearch. I know that "practice makes perfect", but this is bordering the ridiculous!

I have read almost everything that was ever written on the subject, have prepared thousands of cover letters, have prepared numerous CVs and Resumes, have had interviews with almost all of the recruitment agencies, and obviously have made hundreds of job applications and interviews.

Interviews with directors, personnel execs, section managers, male, female, group interviews, aptitude tests, presentations, case studies, "what if" scenarios. You name it, I've done it! I've even had an interview in an office, just following their lunchtime do, and the guy was fumbling for his papers among the dishes and left-overs. (Perhaps I should have accepted their offer...HaHaHa).

The hard fact remains that our great country does not produce shit!

I am a production person, and there simply isn't that much production going on in the country. We have become a nation focused providing services. Tourism, Banking, Logistics, Transportation and things like that. I am currently in the logistics field and I'm desperately seeking an escape.

What really pisses me off, though, is that the last three job offers I had last year were for work in Nigeria. Give me a break! I just returned from there!

Anyhow, I have an interview this Friday, with what seems to be a good company, for a position that sounds right up my street. Who knows! This may be the break I'm looking for!!!

The following is something to keep up my spirits:

My new suit

2007-06-12T18:44:00.000+02:00

Following an uneventful day at work, I went out shopping. We are now well into the summer over here, with the temperature around 32-34C (around the 90sF I guess), and having a job interview on Friday, I needed a summer suit.
It has been a long time since I last went shopping and had forgotten how bittersweet the experience can be. I love taking my time going through the racks of clothing, taking my time choosing the material, coordinating colours, and combining items of clothing into different sets.
What gets up my nose is being pressured! "Do you need some help sir?", "Can I show you this in blue?", "I have a belt that would look excellent with your shoes and this suit", and stuff like that!
Today was a good day, though. Despite the number of people in the store, the most attractive, I thought, of the ladies in it, came to my assistance.
She helped me with choosing a good RAF kinda blue coloured suit and combining a leather belt and a shirt with it. I am well pleased with my purchases, and look forward to knocking them dead in my upcoming interview on Friday.

Interesting Adverts

2007-06-11T17:59:00.000+02:00

I would also like to share with you a couple of adds that I found rather interesting!

This one an advert for some sort of lubricant gel from a French magazine. (It took me a few minutes to understand....duhh!)

This next one is from good old Durex contraceptives, which was easy even for me to understand!

New generation Emoticons

2007-06-11T17:44:00.000+02:00

I received an email today, providing me with some further resources for Instant Messaging.
You all know about those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons", where:
:-) means a smile, and
:-( means a frown.

Well, here's a new bunch aptly named "Assicons":

(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_*_) a sore ass

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_0_) an ass that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) money coming out of his ass

(_?_) a dumb ass

Happy IMing!

Taking it easy

2007-06-10T15:24:00.000+02:00

With the monster tamed once again this morning, and the weather being gorgeous and hot, Epi decided to go for a swim.

He was going to take a rather long drive to a nice beach just in the outskirts of Athens (Shinias- the site of the ancient battle of Marathon), and make a day out of it.

It is a nice, though busy beach that's well organised, with a bar and everything, and the waters are always clean.

Swimming trunks, hawaianas, beach towel, a book, the inevitable sunglasses and he was off.

It wasn't meant to be! The whole of Athens, it seems, had the same idea.

After spending twenty minutes in traffic, in total stand still, he turned off the road and went to a bar by the sea for a nice ice cold capuchino freddo!

Perhaps he didn't get a swim, but he relaxed and took the day easy!

Taming the monster

2007-06-09T15:41:00.000+02:00

Requiring to lose about ten pounds, Epi, has been going to the gym more frequently these days.
No, he does not dress for gym in the ancient Greek tradition!
This Saturday morning was no exception. Woke up, shorts and T-shirt on, trainers on, a glass of cold water, and off he went. He looked really cool walking to the gym, ipod shuffle blasting loud music in his ears, and towel carelessly thrown over the shoulder.
Cool indeed! Until he got in front of the treadmill once again. He really hates that damned machine, but he's always ready to confront it. This day he was ready to win! He felt the energy flowing through his body. He was in the zone!
Purposefully, he got on, set the parameters pumped the volume up on his ipod and pressed the start button for a 25minute run.
Thirty seconds into the warm up walk, he started having second thoughts. "Is this really a good idea? Shouldn't I be lazing under the sun on some beach? After all, what is the purpose of it? I won't actually get anywhere on this!"
As if the machine was reading his thoughts, it started speeding up. Faster and faster it went, until there was no time for poor Epi to even think! He was only trying to keep up with the enemy and find the time to inhale the much needed next breath. (He should have quit smoking a long time ago!).
He threw the towel over the display of the machine, trying to avoid seeing that what seemed to him like hours of running was nothing more than a few seconds. But he had more opponents to confront! All the bloody monitors in front of him were airing morning news programs and had the time displayed in the bottom corner.
Huffing and puffing, gasping for air, he closed his eyes in an attempt to ignore time. Sweat was pouring from his body, soaking his clothes. He felt like he was going to meet with his maker.
But when he felt that he was going to lose this battle, on the machine in front of him he found hope.
Yes! A Greek goddess had decided to challenge the beast in front of him, and she had arrived just in the nick of time. There was no need to stare at the timer any more, no need to stare at the monitors. He could focus his attention elsewhere! He was going to pretend that he was running after her. (You know. Like dogs run after cars without actually catching up with them).
Yes! There was a point to this struggle now. Suddenly the fight seemed easier. The changes in the speed and the incline of the machine meant nothing at all. It was a piece of cake.
Then, without even noticing, the time the buzzer went and the indication on the machine display read "Cool down period".
The battle had been won. The enemy had given up the challenge and gone back to sleep, gathering energy and laying down its plan for the next bout.
Epi, the fair winner that he is, thanked the machine for the challenge and gave it the opportunity to fight back for its dignity tomorrow morning.

Are we really on our own?

2007-06-08T19:21:00.000+02:00

I was reading Dave's post "You Are On Your Own. Yes, even you Mr. Nitwit.", about people having to face life on their own, and wish to make the following comment:

Click Here If You're bored

EVERYBODY WILL KNOW!!!

Thank you

2007-06-07T17:57:00.000+02:00

Reading the comments to my posts this morning I got pleasantly surprised. People who have read (looked is the most operative word, since I hardly write much) my posts actually enjoyed them.
I am flattered, stunned and extremely grateful especially to Michele for including me in her reading list.

A token of appreciation follows below. It is a piece of advice on handling difficult people:

Who is Epimenides?

2007-06-06T19:43:00.000+02:00

The blogospere is now buzzing about this new kid in town. The immensely funny, unbelievably bright philosopher/comic, God's gift to blogging, Epimenides. (Recently nicknamed Epi).

Bio:

Greek
Male
Aquarius
Grew up between Nigeria, Ghana, Greece and the UK.

Loves:

Manchester United
A certain lady from Rio
Pet Parrot
Travelling

Dislikes:

Ab crunches
A book load of stuff about his home country
Laziness
Green Beans

Travels:

Nigeria
Ghana
USA
Brazil
Switzerland
Italy
Taiwan

Favourite writers:

James Patterson
John Grisham

Favourite movies:

Platoon
The Pink Panther
Birdie
Forrest Gump

Ambitions:

Eliminate world poverty and hunger
Get hitched to my girl from Rio
Learn how to write a decent post

Reading the above, I just realised that it sounds as if I am a contestant in the Miss World Pageant. What the heck!
Picture? I am afraid not! I don't want to lose the millions of readers of my blog. If you insist, however, here's one of my parrot!

Why did I go to work today?

2007-06-05T18:41:00.000+02:00

This morning I woke up with great difficulty. My usual 10 minute snooze (I am the snoozing kinda person. The type who sets up the alarm 10 minutes earlier so that I can enjoy my morning lay-in) took about 30 minutes. I ended up getting into traffic and my usual thirty minute drive to work, lasted the best part of 2 hours.

Although everytihng went like clockwork throughout the day, five minutes before I was about to leave, my boss asked for a quick chit-chat.

I hate these chit-chats because not only do they take hours and hours, the outcome is pretty much bugger-all.

This session was no exception! We ended up talking for an hour, and the result was that I'll have to produce a forest worth (and this on the international day for the environment) of absolutely useless forms. Forms that serve virtually no purpose but filling up folders. The more paperwork we create, the more bussy we look, the more work seems to be done. Bureaucracy at its best!

Therefore, the least I can do for my company is to dedicate to them some cartoons about work.

And my absolute favourite:

University Showers

2007-06-04T18:21:00.000+02:00

Please name two world renowned scientists educated at the University of Durham.

Can't? Not surprising, considering the above!

Some Clever Adverts

2007-06-04T18:12:00.000+02:00

Here's a series of some interesting ads I found going through my emails.

Farewell Amalia

2007-06-03T15:28:00.000+02:00

I did not want to get into politics in my blog, but this is a story that really touched me in the past few days, and I think should not go unmentioned.
At 30, Amalia Kalyvinou recently passed away, following a long battle with cancer, but also the Greek Health establishment!
Her blog, malpractice, on her experiences with corrupt and unprofessional doctors and the dysfunctional public health system, has caused a lot reaction from other Greek bloggers.
"Doctors in Athens pledged yesterday to look into accusations of malpractice and corruption made against their colleagues" , is the starting line of the newspaper's article.
Will they bollocks, is my response! The vast majority of them are a bunch of butchering professionals who will do anything for a buck, ignoring the pain and the suffering of their patients.
To them, patients are an open wallet, a blank checkbook, the means of getting a new villa, a new car and jewelry. Screw the Hippocratic oath! They had their long studies, and it is now time to cash in.
What is there to say about the public health system in Greece? How can someone expect it to work, when not much else works in this country. Immersed in bureaucracy, with a vast number of lazy poorly educated and untrained public servants, who more often than not are lackeys of political parties, it is painfully slow and grossly inefficient. They have a job for life and, you see, and they think they can do as they please.
No disrespect to the 3rd world countries, but Greece is one of them. The only difference is that, while they are making an effort to improve, we are continuously sinking deeper and deeper in the shit!
There's always inquiries to the scandals that are riddling this country for yonks now, but absolutely nothing useful comes out of them. They take ages to complete and nobody is ever punished, thrown away to jail, to rot in a wet and dark cell.
Our politicians, 300 members of parliament are doing nothing of purpose, sitting on their hands counting votes and making promises they have absolutely no intention of keeping. Their only concern is getting re-elected!
The result? Young people like Amalia, not being able to live life as all humans deserve, in a country that claims to be part of 21st century Europe.
A country where the basis of Democracy originated!

International Non- Smoking Day

2007-06-02T17:34:00.000+02:00

1st of June was the International Non-Smoking day. I am sorry to say that I celebrated it in style! One and a half packets in twenty four hours.

I can hear the comments right now, but let me just say in my defence, that I have an actual target date which is very soon.

Really, I have an action plan which I have successfully followed in the past, when I quit smoking for the best of one whole year.

The day I started again, was not because I was craving for a smoke. It was rather a stupid way of celebrating my resignation from my previous job, and taking a completely new path in life.

Like all pre-Socratic philosophers, I have a strong will and I am confident of my success.

The date is soon approaching, so I'd appreciate some words of inspiration and encouragement from the blogoshere.

Tenth Day of Blogging

2007-06-02T17:23:00.000+02:00

I believe I'm in my tenth day of blogging now and it has been quite an experience. I wanted to make a blog about all sorts of funny stuff I could get my hands on.
Not a very original idea, that is why I was not expecting people to start reading what was on my blog.
I was wrong! I was pleasantly surprised to find that not only did people visit my blog, but they actually made comments on what they read.
Indeed, Epimenides is a very happy philosopher right now.

Flying Ships on the Aegean

2007-06-01T18:52:00.000+02:00

I got this in my email and were left staring at the screen gob smacked.

Flying ships taking people to the Greek islands?

Boats flying 12 meters above the sea, at speeds approaching 200kph are expected to appear in the Greek seas in the year 2008.

Hoverwings are the next revolution in sea travel! Piraeus to Crete in 1hour30 minutes. (It currently takes anything between 8 and 12hours, depending on the ship).

These type of vessels offer the marine transport with air travel features. They are neither planes or hydroplanes. They are called WIG's due to the Wing In Ground technology which they are based on.

Built using high pressure resistant, aerospace materials can carry 80 passengers, at high speeds (up to 112 knots), virtually unaffected by waves, even at 8 Beaufort scale seas, with a range of 800km.

They have low cost operation and maintenance, and do not require special harbour installations since they have foldable wigs.

The first three such crafts, will be built in Hamburg - Germany in the next years, by Hoverwing GMBH, they will carry German flag and crew, and the first is expected in Greece by the end of 2008.

The cost to the passengers is not expected to be higher than the current fares.

Each of these beauties will cost about 22million euros.

It is almost like science fiction. Yes, I am proud to announce the Greece is entering the 21st century!

The Brick Wall

2007-05-31T21:27:00.000+02:00

Today I have made a very close acquaintance with the notorious "brick wall" of having too many things going on in my head, but being unable to write a single sentence about any of them.
After blogging for almost a couple of weeks, I got a couple of comments to my posts.
Yes! In the vastness of the blogosphere, I was am not the only one reading my writings.
People were actually interested in what I had to say.
Onwards now to my first book, or novel, the next sentence, or as the case is today... the next syllable.

Paradise City - Rio de Janeiro

2007-05-30T18:40:00.000+02:00

Blessed with an abundance of natural beauty, coupled with the pleasant and easy going personality of the local Brazilians (the Cariocas), Rio de Janeiro justly deserves its title. Indeed Rio is the Cidade Marhavilhosa (the marvelous city)!

Which other city in the world can claim to have an excess of 30 white-sand beaches, green hills, botanical gardens and the largest urban park in the world?

City Trademarks

Jesus the Redeemer, at the top of the Corcovado peak, looks down on the city, while nearby are the twin peaks of Sugarloaf. (Its cable car was the shooting location of the James Bond movie, Moonraker).

Beaches
Brazilians are conscious of their physique, they work out and keep fit, and proudly display their bodies on the beaches. Copacabana, Ipanema, Leblon and the Arpoador beaches are some of the best known the world afar. Laying in recliner chair on the beach, sipping on a freshly made fruit juice, coconut juice or even better a refreshing but strong Caipirinha, and it seems that the world has stopped.

Activities and Sport

There are, of course other activities to be taken on. Volleyball, jogging, walking, cycling, hang gliding, rock climbing, the guys favourite, chatting up the beautiful women.... the list is endless.

Food
There's a wide range of food available, ranging from original sandwiches, through various international cuisines, and the churascarias (the all you can eat BBQs). You should try Brazilian cuisine (when in Rome act as the Romans,as they say). It's tasty, spicy and rich in flavours.

Nightlife

When the night falls, the city becomes more energetic. The choices are abundant. From a quiet, romantic drink at Lagoa, to the samba clubs at Santa Teresa and Lapa, the nightclubs at Ipanema, the bars at Copacabana and even the impromptu gatherings around a kiosk next to the beach. You can hop from one place to the other throughout the night, until the sun comes up. (It reminds me of the Geek isles in the summer).

Sightseeing

There is a long list of sightseeing tours, including the colonial style center, the museums, the tours to close by places like Barra de Tijuca, and Ilha Grande (I highly recommend it), the Maracana stadium, and even tours to the favelas!

Where to stay

There are a number of hotels all over Rio, with the majority concentrated in the Copacabana / Ipanema area, with prices covering all budgets. You can also rent an apartment or studio for a reasonable price, or you may even decide to stay at a hostel.

Some Notes

Although much has been said about violence in Rio, it is mainly occurring in the favelas (the shantytowns). To me Rio doesn't seem any more dangerous than any other large city. The crimes that are carried out on tourist are mainly petty theft type, so you must avoid wearing jewelery, hanging cameras from your wrists, and carrying large amounts of cash (keep what you expect to spend in a day in your pocket). You can use your plastic almost everywhere!

Finally, try to keep on the main streets, avoid dark alleys in the night, and walk purposefully. giving the impression you know exactly where you are going, just as a local would.

I will not go into detail about the carnival since everything above applies hundredfold!

Indeed, Rio de Janeiro is an experience that one should live during their life. I have been blessed to have done some myself twice, and have not finished yet. To me Rio IS the Cidade Marhavilhosa of the world!

What a Day

2007-05-29T19:51:00.000+02:00

Today for me has been one of those days movie scripts are written for. (Well, perhaps not the better ones).

A corn flakes' breakfast and a drive to work through long traffic, like any other day, was how it all started.

Checked my emails, cleared my inbox and went through the daily routine. Phone rings, and we are informed that one of the guys has been involved in a car crash! Boom! It all starts falling apart. Thankfully, no one was hurt, but his car is a write-off.

Scene two, and a complete stranger walks into the office, ranting and raving, shouting, swearing and very animated. He's in the wrong office! Go figure.

Scene three, I phone some potential recruiters to inform them that I am not interested in the job they are offering. Very polite and civilised conversation, ends with both parties disappointed. Me, because it was almost what I was looking for, and them because they are struggling to find someone to fill the vacancy.

Ten minutes after hanging up, my mobile rings. It's a recruitment agency, offering me the exact same job!

Twelve thirty comes, with an unpleasant surprise. My computer crashes, never to recover again. An army of IT guys gets involved in the project of reviving it, but alas, it has gone for good.

To cut a long story short, the rest of the day was about getting a new one and trying to recover as much data as possible from the server back up.

Returning home, I try to log on to my blog to post an entry and to have a read of some other sites and blogs. Couldn't concentrate for more than five minutes, and decided to go to the gym instead.

Boom again. The schedule has changed and I have to do circuit training with the ladies. Hmmm! Now that was a pleasant surprise! Marvelous workout.

Back at "the farm", showered, dined and after a bit of browsing on the net, posting this.

I received an email from a friend asking me to check-out through this link.

Go to "Human Upgrades"
Click on "The Team"
Go to "Anesthesiologists"
Click on the Fourth picture and read the legend!!!! LOLOL

Funny Signposts

2007-05-28T17:03:00.000+02:00

At number six...

At number five...

(Penetrating marketing or what?)

At number four...

Number three...

Second award goes to...

(Thanks for caring kind sirs)

And the TOP award goes to....

I can just picture a line of male commuters, standing at the edge of the platform at the end of a very hectic day!!!!

All stations to Penrith!

Very Clever!

2007-05-28T16:35:00.000+02:00

I came across this picture today

Can you guess what it is?

Well, here goes:

Doesn't look bad indoors either!

Wow! Practical , efficient, modern and, dare I say, stylish. Even though I am not a big fan of their products, I must admit that this is one of IKEA's better ideas.

A Small Tribute to New Order

2007-05-27T14:15:00.001+02:00

Legendary bass guitarist Peter Hook has announced that he is leaving New Order.
These couple of videos are a small tribute to a band that means so much to the British and World music scene.

Blue Monday - 1984

Everything's Gone Greene

True Faith

Here To Stay

The Day A Legend Was Born

2007-05-26T17:13:00.000+02:00

Born on the 26th May 1909, Sir Matt Busby became a legendary figure as manager of Manchester United.

Starting his footballing career with Manchester City, he moved to Liverpool in 1936, and soon became their captain.

He became Manchester United's manager in October 1946. He built a team of young players like Bobby Charlton, Duncan Edwards, David Pegg, Eddie Coleman, Tommy Taylor and Liam Whelan, who became known with the nickname "Busby Babes".

They won the Division 1 title in: 1952, 1956 and 1957, while being runners-up in: '47, '48, '49, '51. They also won the FA Cup in: '48 and were runners-up in: '57 and '58.

It was a team he would rebuild after the Munich air disaster, on February 6th 1958, where seven United players died, in the crash of British European Airways Flight 609 after the third take off attempt. The team were returning to Manchester following a 3-3 draw away to Red Star Belgrade in the European Cup (one of Sir Matt's fascinations).

He brought further success to the club during the 1960's bringing in players like Dennis Law and George Best.

The new team won the League in: '65 and '67, and were runners-up in: '59, '64 and '68. The FA Cup was won in: '63, but the most important moment in Busby's career came in 1968 when Manchester United became the first English team to win the European Cup demolishing Benfica 4-1 at Wembley.

He retired in 1969, but returned as manager for one season in 1970-71.

He stayed on as a club director up to 1982, when he became Manchester United's president.

He became a CBE in 1958, and was given the Knighthood in 1968.

He died of cancer in January 1994 at the age of 84, but will always remain in the hearts of all football loving fans!

Sir Matt Busby 1909 - 1994

Beware of Greeks ... Especially Taxi Drivers!

2007-05-26T14:45:00.000+02:00

Five days have passed since a taxi driver in Athens ripped off a Liverpool supporter visiting Greece with his family for the Champions League final and a few days holidays.

Driving the man and his family from the airport to the hotel, the taxi driver asked to be paid 95 euros for a fare of 30-35 euros.

When the poor tourist confronted him about the price and requested a receipt, the cab driver punched him in the face and drove away in his car, taking with him all the luggage, money and the tickets for the final.

The Briton gave a full description of both car and driver to the police, who have been unable to locate him for the past five days! This is not entirely surprising as Greek police have proven on several occasions that they are unable to even catch ... a cold!

With tourism being the largest industry in Greece, the country cannot afford its reputation being tinted by incidents like this.

More over, it looks as if yet another brainless idiot is going to get away with it unpunished.

How reassuring to know that the Greek spirit lives on.

Vote for Tania Dervaux

2007-05-25T07:37:00.000+02:00

The Belgian elections of the 10th of June are expected to be an exciting affair. Tania Dervaux has made a pre-election commitment to provide 40,000 of her male voters with 5minutes of pleasure.

The Belgian politician (?) explains in the party's website, that in response to extravagant announcements from other politicians to generate the incredible number of 400,000 jobs (!), has decided to announce her own...politics.

She will satisfy 40,000 men, in the whole of Belgium offering them oral sex.

According to her calculations, she will need 500 days. This averages 80 oral satisfactions a day!

Ms Dervaux said "I wanted to respond to the amazing announcements of other parties, some of which are promising incredible numbers of new jobs. We responded with a parody campaign, where I was photographed naked and promised 40,000 bjs. Our campaign gathered the attention of the international media. We got hundreds of emails requesting for 400,000 bjs. If my campaign draws more attention, I intend to give 400,000 bjs..."

Ms Dervaux has set some base rules for interested applicants.

1. Interested parties must be above 18 years old.

2. The use of condoms is compulsory.

3. The interested party cannot request any other form of physical contact.

4. If he attempts something else the service will be immediately terminated.

If Cosmo Mag Editorial Staff Were Men

2007-05-23T19:07:00.000+02:00

Q. My husband asks me for oral sex all the time
A. Do it! Sperm will help you lose weight and will give an extra glow to your face. All men know that. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex to him is totally altruistic. It goes to show how much he loves you. The best way to thank him for it, is to perform oral sex TWICE a day. Then cook him a good meal.

Q. My husband goes out with his friends all the time
A. This is completely normal. Men are hunters and have to prove their bravery to other men. A night out, chasing free young women, is the best medicine to daily stress, and allows him to return to a cosy family environment calm, carefree and relaxed.
Remember, there's nothing better for your relationship than your husband taking a couple of days away from home (A wonderful opportunity for you to do the housework). Observe how happy and sentimental he is when he returns to the comfort of your embrace.
The best you can do when he returns is to perform oral sex. Then cook him a good meal.

Q. My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is
A. Your clitoris is irrelevant to him. If you are going to spend time on it, do so at your free time. You can ask your best friend to help you! Videotape the proceedings, and surprise your husband with the video tape on his birthday. To rid yourself of any guilt you may feel, perform oral sex to him, and cook a good meal.

Q. My husband is not interested in foreplay
A. Foreplay is very stressful and time consuming for your husband. Sex should be made available to him whenever he desires it, WITHOUT crazy demands about foreplay. Your behaviour shows you don't love your husband enough. Stop being so self centered! Perhaps you could get some redemption by performing oral sex to him and cooking a good meal.

Q. My husband orgasms, and then goes straight to sleep
A. I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you have forgotten to prepare him a nice meal...

Epimenides makes the first step

2007-05-22T22:38:00.002+02:00

As a child I fell asleep for 57years.
This time it a was a tad longer.
Twenty eight whole centuries have passed and I have a lot of things to share with the world.
I hope I can bring an extra smile on their faces, and hopefully they'll talk to me and keep me awake.